Grace ?

a hymn form poem

compliments of pinterest 

Grace ?

the tree was hung in winter ice

the day his head bent low

his heart would fail and pay a price

for love, from her, bestowed

upon a newly wedded lock

he used a damaged key

inside a place so deep it mocked

the warmth of spring's decree

she tried in vain to reach his mind

of oaken wood so dense

her own fair ferns curled up at night

to hide in heart's defense

she couldn't bridge the walls of steel

and roots so thickly held

in earth and rock and misery

bequeathed through lines of elde

she found his heart with soul and quil

she dipped in barb'd wire tears

and pierced his skull with grit and drill

revealing all she feared.

E.

02/15/2021

Author's Note

https://youtu.be/3maGHyt_xOU
Emily Dickenson used the hymn form to "rebel" against a starchy society .. said to be one of those poets who were at the vanguard of Modernism. I think her "rebellion" was subtle as she used slight alterations in rhythm and stretched rhyme here and there. Hymn poetry were meant to be sung in Church and so she used theme to make her statements as well. I read that the form should be able to be sung to any worship tune you please. Like "Amazing Grace" for instance. I hope you like my little hymn form tale
E.

Reviews

[Carola]

einstein.... a fantastic write!!! 👍 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
well done, & I can understand it too, amazing 😀
(except the word 'elde' couldn't find it in any dictionary when I googled it. (i do know it's a river in germany.)
please do write more of this more narrative style, rhyming or not, instead of those unrelated random thoughts posing as free verse poetry. i know it takes a bit more time & effort in drafting & editing many times, but it's worth it.
you've made my day E.
cheerio carola

[Einstein Noodle]

why thank you young lady .. i would take a different position on my "other random thoughts posing...." .. if reading others comments on them doesn't help .. it's just not for you and i have nothing but respect for you ... you might like "The Captain" ... it is also a story and in form .. i turn to classic forms when i am dry of inspiration .. they always take work .. research and lots of re-writing for me ... but I have sonnets, haiku, senryu, hymn, and several others scattered down me lanes .. right here at the Cafe' .. so happy you enjoyed this one ... and your praises of it humble me and i feel like i have fought hard for them .. love and joy, Carola .. love this review of yours.
E.

[Einstein Noodle]

ps. elde simply means the eldest and in this poem i mean it to reflect a lineage of thick headed and brutish behavior from the man in the story. ;)

[John the Baptist]

Not sure if she was cold hearted or he was thick headed. My sense is that he came out on the short end of things. That's the price of an oaken wood mind.

[Einstein Noodle]

the price indeed ... we men can be pretty dense sometimes .. takes a hammer and chisel to get through to us .. sometimes its too late unfortunately .. thanks for stopping to read my friend! and sharing your thoughts
E.

[Lydia Shutter]

The lyrical verses belie the heavy subject matter in this incredible write, E. He had loved before and she was determined to break through his walls to find the real man. Unfortunately, when she did, what she found was not so pretty. The rhyming is flawless. You did an amazing job with the form, E. Kudos to you! A pleasure to read...and I read it aloud to get the full sing songy feel of it. Lydi**

[Einstein Noodle]

you are so kind my friend ... what a gratifying and encouraging review .. sounds like you felt the whole Monty .. yes... a bit dark for sure ;) not so pretty when she "found" him ... luv ya
E.

[Einstein Noodle]

ps. i tried to sing it to amazing grace in me noodle but the story and words distracted me .. i would have to sing it out loud and ... honestly ... i didn't want to hear me do that :)))))))))))))))))))))))))i'm so happy you read it out loud tho.. that's a real blessing.

[Fran Marie]

"she dipped in barb'd wire tears"
intense piece of
artistic expression
this hymn form is
most profound driving
each line with feeling
to the reader the rhyme
theme and cadence
spot on ..i read it to
the amazing Grace tune
wise a perfect fit
indeed ..nice work E;

[Einstein Noodle]

ohhhhhhhhhh thanks so very much .. so happy you gave it the "fit" test to Amazing Grace. I suppose the form developed so worshipers could easily pick up most any hymn no matter the words or tempo .. your review almost makes me think i can write poetry ;))))))))))))))
E.

[Fran Marie]

and reading this
lets me know you
can write poetry yes;
yes you can;

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

“she found his heart with soul and quil
she dipped in barb'd wire tears
and pierced his skull with grit and drill
revealing all she feared.”
E., This poem is a smashing goth hymn in form and flavor. A true ‘kiss from a rose on the gray’-or on the grail more symbolically. Love, birth, death-yes. Dark and somber verses, beautifully laid. Such skillful meter and rhyme. Dickinson would be so proud of your homage. Kudos!

[Einstein Noodle]

ohhhhhhhh joy to my heart young lady .. what a wonderful review you give this one. i have had it in me noodle to make use of the form for quite a while and it was write a verse, wait a week, write a line etc. .. it kind of took on its own life (i know you know what i mean) and i love your description of it as "goth" .. it is isn't it?! love love love ya Annette .. for your generosity and reading this one to heart :)
E.

[Nix is typing...]

This was such a beautiful poem, and such a smooth read, too! As always, Mr. Noodle, I loved this poem!!!! I loved the metered ABAB rhyme (or hymn as you put it) and thought it was very skillfully and tastefully done! Fantastic work!!!

100/100

Nix ❤️
(Oh, and Happy Presidents' Day!! [Wait, is that something people say? Lol, I don't know, but I enjoyed this read.])

[Einstein Noodle]

well .. Happy President's Day to you too! And thank you so much for your encouraging review .. i have been wanting to do one for a while and when i finally started it ... it took a couple months to finish ... many days in between the "inspiration/ambition" to work it to completion.. peace and joy Nix!
E.

[Patricia Wedel]

dearest Gene... having spent many hours in a Choir in Church every weekend in the 50’s... I can identify with your Hymn of Worship. “I come to the Garden alone... while the Dew is still on the Roses” was my favorite. My heart has a Murmur... and a bit of thunder. truly, Pat

[Einstein Noodle]

I am so glad this brought good memories of your Church and singing worship hymns .. the cadence makes them all familiar no matter the tempo and words .. we can sing along without ever hearing them .. love on ya friend! thanks for reading and for your always elevating words
E.

[Emily B]

It's artful. The hymn underscores the terror of the words.

[Einstein Noodle]

it is kind of a horror story isn't it?! ;) thanks for sharing you thoughts on it Emily .. i appreciate it and will return the kindness shortly ;)
E.

[Emily B]

Good to read you