Grace ?

a hymn form poem

compliments of pinterest 

Grace ?

the tree was hung in winter ice

the day his head bent low

his heart would fail and pay a price

for love, from her, bestowed

upon a newly wedded lock

he used a damaged key

inside a place so deep it mocked

the warmth of spring's decree

she tried in vain to reach his mind

of oaken wood so dense

her own fair ferns curled up at night

to hide in heart's defense

she couldn't bridge the walls of steel

and roots so thickly held

in earth and rock and misery

bequeathed through lines of elde

she found his heart with soul and quil

she dipped in barb'd wire tears

and pierced his skull with grit and drill

revealing all she feared.

E.

02/15/2021

Author's Note

https://youtu.be/3maGHyt_xOU
Emily Dickenson used the hymn form to "rebel" against a starchy society .. said to be one of those poets who were at the vanguard of Modernism. I think her "rebellion" was subtle as she used slight alterations in rhythm and stretched rhyme here and there. Hymn poetry were meant to be sung in Church and so she used theme to make her statements as well. I read that the form should be able to be sung to any worship tune you please. Like "Amazing Grace" for instance. I hope you like my little hymn form tale
E.

Reviews

[Carola]

einstein.... a fantastic write!!! 👍 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
well done, & I can understand it too, amazing 😀
(except the word 'elde' couldn't find it in any dictionary when I googled it. (i do know it's a river in germany.)
please do write more of this more narrative style, rhyming or not, instead of those unrelated random thoughts posing as free verse poetry. i know it takes a bit more time & effort in drafting & editing many times, but it's worth it.
you've made my day E.
cheerio carola

[Einstein Noodle]

why thank you young lady .. i would take a different position on my "other random thoughts posing...." .. if reading others comments on them doesn't help .. it's just not for you and i have nothing but respect for you ... you might like "The Captain" ... it is also a story and in form .. i turn to classic forms when i am dry of inspiration .. they always take work .. research and lots of re-writing for me ... but I have sonnets, haiku, senryu, hymn, and several others scattered down me lanes .. right here at the Cafe' .. so happy you enjoyed this one ... and your praises of it humble me and i feel like i have fought hard for them .. love and joy, Carola .. love this review of yours.
E.

[Einstein Noodle]

ps. elde simply means the eldest and in this poem i mean it to reflect a lineage of thick headed and brutish behavior from the man in the story. ;)

[Lisa C]

Love this, the rhythm and rhyme sounds lovely, lets it flow. Plus my g'daughter name is Grace ;-)

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you for taking time Lisa! I think Grace is a beautiful name for one's grand daughter! I imagine she tickles yer innards! :)))))))))))))))
E.

[Relic]

This was excellent to read. Your form, rhyme and rhythm are exquisite in this as well as the story. Great writing, Einstein. Putting this in my favorites. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

so blessed you decided to library this one .. i am not typically a form person but have had it in me ol' noodle to write a hymn form poem for a long time .. so grateful you enjoyed the form and the story i put in it ... appreciate you time Relic! best of the day to ya!
E.

[wordman]

great write mr e,spiritual and profound

[Einstein Noodle]

hey Wordman!! great to see you ... thanks for taking time my friend! and for letting me know ... best of the day to ya!
E.

[wordman]

you`re welcome

[Tina]

Wow beautiful poem, I enjoyed it

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Tina! so nice to see you here on me pages! glad you enjoyed.
E.

[Tina]

Your welcome

[Coyote Poetry]

This poem is so good. So many statements stood out to me.
"she couldn't bridge the walls of steel
and roots so thickly held
in earth and rock and misery
bequeathed through lines of elde"
The above lines. I did like. This would be great opening for a book. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Einstein Noodle]

damn Coyote! you make me feel so gratified .. thanks so much for your many visits and letting me know what speaks to you especially ... i have to struggle and work hard writing and re=writing when it coms to strict forms .. but it is very satisfying finishing one and more so when it is appreciated .. love and peace sir!
E.

[Coyote Poetry]

This poem was so good. Made the reader want more. You are welcome my friend.

[Sherri Moshman Paganos]

I really loved this poem. It's like some dark fairy tale or nightmare or twisted nursery rhyme about a couple in some deep dark power (language like "the newly wedded lock, the damaged key" and the last stanza). You did a great job with rhyme and rhythm too. Interested in meaning of title. Just saw the above note -- I think Emily D. would approve.

[Einstein Noodle]

Sherri! my new found friend :) thank you so much for reading and reviewing .. to imagine Emily giving this a nod is just too blown away to think .. but having you say so is very gratifying .. the title is admittedly a bit twisted .. i am not sure myself :} it takes grace to have a union of heart, mind and soul and body, in my opinion .. and I like the name of Grace for "her" ..the question mark is because i wasn't sure about it as a title :))))) and honestly .. because their "grace" was questionable due to their tactics and obstinance .. i hope that helps .. i don't think i can cover it again if i try ;) be well .. have peace and joy
E. .

[Vertigo Cat1111]

This poem is so extremely layered, and it makes me think she's doing anything and everything to get this man to open up to him. The darker verses make this so fun and intriguing to read, and you can feel the skillfulness, why you put some verses here, and the others there. So much thought went into this darker, beautiful poem. Full of wonderful, goth imagery again. Struggling to open up is something very relatable and personal and I can feel it all here. The last verse is painful sounding, driving home how painful this all is. Also, your author's note was very, very interesting! I loved this hymn, dark and magical and emotional, full of beautiful pictures you paint with your words again.

[Einstein Noodle]

Colacat! what can i say? thank you!!! doing strict forms poetry helps keep me grounded for just those reasons .. i have to think it out .. work with the changes i don't want to make but must to remain within the form ... so happy you felt this in such a way .. yes .. he won't open up will he ;) and she got more than she bargained for in the prying ... thanks again for such an encouraging review .. see ya around .. right here at the Cafe'
E.

[Vertigo Cat1111]

It was my pleasure, as always! (:

[Stella Armour]

Layer upon layer to read here my friend, almost a whole book if each lovely rhymical verse were to be elaborated on.
The images are vivid, frightening or haunted in places and yet a life force is driving her love on. How strong this woman is and yes "Grace" is amazing when held through adversity ...

[Einstein Noodle]

Thanks for stopping and taking time Stella .. love your reactions my friend .. grateful you share them
E.

[Stella Armour]

Am still re-reading this one E, how painful it is her trying to reach him and his defence so damn solid .... then again i do love poems that make me think deeply and this one certainly does ..

[Einstein Noodle]

yes! exactly .. but she won't give up on it will she ;)

[Poetic Beauty]

This is a sad tale of two lovers who for one reason or another could never understand each other and truly connect this causing the love to die. Very descriptive and many outstanding lines

[Einstein Noodle]

tha's it Ms. Beauty, my new found friend! thanks so much for your time .. reading and i am happy happy you enjoyed it .. luv on ya.. peace and joy
E.

[Kelly Scheppers]

Your narrative voice here is simply astounding, with an added chill for impact. You do know you blow me away, right?

I've missed you dear friend. Hope you know you're always thought of!

[Einstein Noodle]

Legs ... my beautiful Legs!!! ;)))))))))))))))))) my schedule has been upended and forms and reforms .. so my time here has been sporadic .. and i always miss you young lady .. your voice ... you like that "drill" eh!? :))))))))))) yeah .. i kind of wondered if it might be too graphic for Emily .. probably not eh!? thanks so much and be safe and well my friend!
E.