Grace ?

a hymn form poem

compliments of pinterest 

Grace ?

the tree was hung in winter ice

the day his head bent low

his heart would fail and pay a price

for love, from her, bestowed

upon a newly wedded lock

he used a damaged key

inside a place so deep it mocked

the warmth of spring's decree

she tried in vain to reach his mind

of oaken wood so dense

her own fair ferns curled up at night

to hide in heart's defense

she couldn't bridge the walls of steel

and roots so thickly held

in earth and rock and misery

bequeathed through lines of elde

she found his heart with soul and quil

she dipped in barb'd wire tears

and pierced his skull with grit and drill

revealing all she feared.

E.

02/15/2021

Author's Note

https://youtu.be/3maGHyt_xOU
Emily Dickenson used the hymn form to "rebel" against a starchy society .. said to be one of those poets who were at the vanguard of Modernism. I think her "rebellion" was subtle as she used slight alterations in rhythm and stretched rhyme here and there. Hymn poetry were meant to be sung in Church and so she used theme to make her statements as well. I read that the form should be able to be sung to any worship tune you please. Like "Amazing Grace" for instance. I hope you like my little hymn form tale
E.

Reviews

[Carola]

einstein.... a fantastic write!!! 👍 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
well done, & I can understand it too, amazing 😀
(except the word 'elde' couldn't find it in any dictionary when I googled it. (i do know it's a river in germany.)
please do write more of this more narrative style, rhyming or not, instead of those unrelated random thoughts posing as free verse poetry. i know it takes a bit more time & effort in drafting & editing many times, but it's worth it.
you've made my day E.
cheerio carola

[Einstein Noodle]

why thank you young lady .. i would take a different position on my "other random thoughts posing...." .. if reading others comments on them doesn't help .. it's just not for you and i have nothing but respect for you ... you might like "The Captain" ... it is also a story and in form .. i turn to classic forms when i am dry of inspiration .. they always take work .. research and lots of re-writing for me ... but I have sonnets, haiku, senryu, hymn, and several others scattered down me lanes .. right here at the Cafe' .. so happy you enjoyed this one ... and your praises of it humble me and i feel like i have fought hard for them .. love and joy, Carola .. love this review of yours.
E.

[Einstein Noodle]

ps. elde simply means the eldest and in this poem i mean it to reflect a lineage of thick headed and brutish behavior from the man in the story. ;)

[Bhuyanshi Talukdar]

Your poem is a haunting and evocative exploration of the complexities of love and loss, and the ways in which we struggle to connect with one another amidst the barriers of our own pain and fear. The use of imagery, such as "the tree was hung in winter ice" and "her own fair ferns curled up at night," creates a sense of both beauty and foreboding, while the juxtaposition of "oaken wood" and "barb'd wire tears" adds a touch of rawness and vulnerability. Your words convey a sense of both longing and despair, and the final lines, "revealing all she feared," are both chilling and cathartic. Your poem is a testament to the power of language to capture the essence of the human experience, and to help us find meaning and solace in the face of our deepest fears.

[Einstein Noodle]

oh my goodness B!! your review is so kind, sensitive and thorough ... i'm tempted to think my "stuff" just might be ok ;)))))))) luv on ya .. peace and joy!
E.

[supernova_thoughts]

Wow...I find it hard to put into words how beautiful this piece is.

[Einstein Noodle]

knocked ya speachless did it!?? :))))))))))) thank you very much Super! i could not ask for more from a poem ... given the speechlessness is a positive thing that is ;))))) thank you for choosing to read this one ... did you try singing it to the tune of Amazing Grace?? .. love and joy my new found friend .. see you 'round ... right here at the Cafe'
E.

[supernova_thoughts]

Did that and loved how it perfectly fit. Good luck with more!!

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahaha .. well thank you triply for that Super! really delighted you did :)))))))))))))))))))))))

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

I love this one of the best I’ve ever read

[Einstein Noodle]

that means a lot to me Julie! thank you very much!

[Temperance]

You are very good at this style! I don’t know why you don’t do more of it. I could learn from you! 🙂.

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you again for taking time ... Emily Dickenson lived a life and wrote poetry that many relate to and admire .. she used the hymn form but strayed from it in subtle yet rebellious ways ... if you read some of her stuff you may see what i mean ... glad you enjoyed and thanks again for reviewing!
E.

[William Michael Reeves]

I liked your little hymn a lot. And having been recently schooled about meter I recognized iambic meter and now know that's why it has perfect rhythm. And my brain is working overtime to place 'she'. Either she is a wood nymph who sits in his shade writing of him, between torture sessions with the drill sampling his core counting tree rings of time. Or 'she' is Spring thawing his frozen locked heart. Excellent poem that has me reading and rereading and rereading and.....thinking!

[Einstein Noodle]

man you have made my morning with laughter sir .. i love your thoughts in this review ... she could be any and all eh!? ... Spring thawing the brute is what i had in mind ;)))) great review sir ... thanks for checking this one out and taking time to review ..
E.

[William Michael Reeves]

My time in your mind is well spent!

[Miss Sharon]

LOVE this write! And I DID sing the stanzas to the tune of Amazing Grace and it worked very well. ~Sharon

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahaha .. you sang it eh!? :))))))))))))))))))))))))) thanks for visiting Miss Sharon .. always .. i do appreciate your words .. very encouraging for me! Merry Christmas ma'am! and Happy New Year!
E.

[JE Falcon]

Being old school I was drawn to this poem like a moth to a flame. What can I say, I liked it enough to come away burnt. Well written.

[Einstein Noodle]

JE! nice to have you visit me pages! Yes! old school can teach us all eh!? how ironic Emily heralded in Modernism in poetry .. or so it is written .. but her hallmark has become old school foundations for those who would take a peek .. thank you for taking time to review .. so happy you enjoyed the "burning" ;))))))))))))))))
E.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

This is an imaginative poem that speaks to the ways of nature. Thank you for sharing this work of yours.

[Einstein Noodle]

Hi Carlos!! thanks for the visit and taking time to review .. will repay the kindness shortly... yes .. i suppose .. the ways of nature ... human nature that is ;) ... and only one small aspect of a relationship at that. be well ... stay safe and ..top o' the mahrnin' to ya ... right here at the Cafe'
E.

[Weeping willow]

Really wonderful write, love the flow and the way the Rhyme goes. ;-]

[Einstein Noodle]

that's the magic of Hymn form ... ;) thank you for reading and letting me know you thoughts Ms. Willow .. great to be getting to know each other through our poetry eh!?
E.