Failure

Say Something

Without words

No breath can move a

life source to the brain

Its like falling into a grain 

bin:

a quick sand death 

choked with chaff and seed dust

I can't breath

I am at a loss                  lost

without words but

stay with me and

please don't go               please

Don't Go! 

E.

12/27/20

Author's Note

Reviews

[Pete]

without risking failure there would be no success. better to fail than never try. bridging a divide is not an easy thing. your structure, layout and words attempt to do just that. so close, so close. we feel lost until that last step is completed. 'please don't go' - indeed ... :)

[Einstein Noodle]

dang you touch my heart sir .. what a wonderful review to receive on this poem .. i don't know what to say sir .. but thank you ... for reading with sensitivity and taking time to review .. you made me day Pete!
E.

[Lorry]

The bridge of reality has crumbled Gene, leaving a gaping wound in the flesh, but nothing will weaken the fortress of your mind and the memories you gratefully lived together. Touching the physical mentally is no replacement, yet they will always be felt within you.
As the year counts down its end, just know you will be in the thoughts of all you have touched with your words and kindness my friend.

[Einstein Noodle]

you are too kind Lorry ... thanks so much! we have a wonderful Cafe' despite the auto log outs and banned by manager thing going on ... arrrrrrrgh! the new year is begun ... may we all fare better than ever ... love and peace brother

[Lorry]

There's glitches in the cafe? Can't say I've noticed 😉

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahahaha ... well ... you are a patient and forgiving man then Lorry :)))))))))))))))))

[Lorry]

No, just.... Can't remember what I was going to say 😊

[Lorry]

Forgetful, that's it!
Who are you again? 😊

[Gee]

Eventually the pain cedes, tears become sad smiles, these then replaced with many a never forgotten memories. The more you love the worse the pain...
Thought are with you E :))

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Gee ... you are right of course .. and there is wisdom in your words :)
E.

[Cherrie Palmer]

With great precision you lead the reader, with image, word break, and honest emotion. Very powerful leaving the reader alone with your words and in silence.

[Einstein Noodle]

Thank you for a very encouraging review, mon Cherrie ;) your words inspire me for sure .. made me morning bright my friend
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is quite the write my friend...I did read the 8th line as "I can't breathe"
but yes, when the words won't go from the brain to the page...the synapse stalls...

and we just hold our breath until thought loosens itself enough to move.
almost like a kind of constipation...

but sooner or later..."please don't go, words"
I will find you in that bin...I will.
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks jacob ... for reading and being on this "same page" ... you felt it all ... can't ask for much better than that ... peace and comfort sir! thanks again for taking time and such an encouraging review
E.

[barleygirl]

I must mimic Annette's observations . . . I love your poem becuz of how your words stall & stutter . . . it's clearly very tough to choke it out. Some younger poets can write a long lost-love poem that spends all its time BEGGING . . . while I'm reading, I'm thinking: I would NEVER beg someone to stay. That's why your poem feels so authentic -- you show how utterly impossible it can be to spit out those words: Please stay! You show exactly how hard it is to humble oneself. And then once your poem finally grunts it out, so realistically, you show how the begging finally kicks in at the very end. Great job making this scene unfold like a film clip so palpable. Happy New Year! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Einstein Noodle]

oh my goodness Barley Girl!! i feel exactly the same way about begging .. never have and putting it in at the end was .. truly .. difficult .. in fact I almost took them out and had talked to Lydi about it ... she said "don't you do it!" or something to that effect ... i am so grateful for your review .. you are a straight shooter my friend!

[barleygirl]

Love getting that "behind-the-scenes" *smile*

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

"I can't breath
I am at a loss lost"
You break my heart with these words dear E. You have written a still-raw emotion of deep loss in these words. Spaces between your lines are like missed breaths, missed heartbeats, palpable.. Just know that we here are with you, comfort you, pray for you and support you in your time of grieving. You are important to us. God bless.

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you Annette ... i appreciate your words deeply .. needed them this evening ...

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

🙏🙏🙏.......

[Neville]

........................ Having heard the plea .. it is impossible not to feel it too..... I sure did .. on the wind and whispered loudly.............. Sunday 13.00 my time is down ya neck time Gene :)

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks my good friend! Slainte mhath .. we feel it indeed ... brothers in the hood .. Blessed New Year to you and yours sir!
E.

[Neville]

............. until Sunday .. and until then, back at ya ..
N.

[Patricia Wedel]

When someone leaves... there is a sound that only
God hears... a voice that transcends our earthly
existence as we have been accustomed. The music
of butterfly wings cascades down a waterfall of
living waters as night becomes day. gently, Pat

[Einstein Noodle]

your reviews are so beautiful and uplifting Pat! thank you!

[John the Baptist]

Some might say that being precedes words. Do we need silence before we can truly access the Life Force?

[Einstein Noodle]

i love your thoughts on this one John .. yes .. I think it is true .. we have to quiet our minds .. empty them and truly listen to hear God's whispers ... love on ya .. love and peace
E.

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Touching words and powerful write. Lots of meaning to delve . I enjoyed the read. Tyfs

[Einstein Noodle]

glad it touched you in such a way ... thank you for taking time to read and "delve" ... it is what its all about eh!?
E.