Pine Floor

Pine Floor

I shaved this morning but

No razor will scrape away this beard 

the sun went away last night            crusty eyed

I should have had a say in it but

that's not my part 

she says

such a thing just can't be allowed

We're sorry

the lights went out with the thunder 

a tough time even for solar power

dancing ghost grey whitener                           

in tree veins

making so much noise            

cracking

cold crept deadly across the floor

it lay there .........  just lay there

one eye open

the strike            must have been an instant  

dog senses deafened by its silence

stunning ..... and brilliant         so 

                                             

                                        

not to be looked at

                                         

                                            

I wasn't sure what to say ...

(i SHOULD have had a say) 

                                                   

                                           

what does one do?

i should have the map

limbs turning corners and avenues 

folding and

over ending on each other

                                                 

                                                    

what am i going to do when i run out of things to do?

how can I sit ... or even pose in such positions

                                           

                                                   

I had no say in the matter

nothing i could do

                                                          

                                                   

the floor is the one thing holding up now

where she laid ... in release ... not repose

                                         

                                                         

there are no complaints from grain and roughness

no creaking, no moaning

it's just  ...the bare floor ... pine boards all knotted

                                                    

                                                  

she whispered her breath ... her death breath

so fast there was no

crossing over it

                                                  

                                              

there was only instant Christ machinations     and    

                                                                           me   

                                                                                and                                                                                          

                                                                                       dog  

                                                                                             and

                                                                                

                                 pine floors breaking.

11/22/2020

E

Author's Note

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

((((((Gene)))))) the raw emotions in this poem made my tears well up. The song is absolutely perfect for your words. To see the floor, to walk on it every day, to know she was there and there was nothing you could do to save her....the pain is like a knife. No, my friend, no razor can scrape away the beard of grief. It never really is washed down the sink. It does, however, scratch a bit less with each passing day. This has to be one of your best, E.....I am applauding here. Lydi**

[Einstein Noodle]

Thank you Lydi ... that's all I can say is Thank you

[Island Hippy]

Aloha friend, this made me sob and has caused a stirring of my own thoughts of my husband.
This is so devastatingly beautiful, reverend, deep, aloha how you layer the varying waves of emotion the ‘process’ I’m sorry that’s not a great words I have not a better word to offer. I hope for you that eventually the creak in the pine floor becomes a comfort a reminder that Norma is always with you. Many aloha nui from the three of us x

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you so much for reading and sharing your own heart and soul ... grief and loss most certainly puts us through a "process" .. and that's exactly what it is ... if we can avoid blame and bitterness ... accept all those "feelings" as they wash over us .. we come out better for it. Getting stuck somewhere along the way will destroy what else we have inside ... love and peace ... i did not know about your husband .. I am so sorry ... and you have two little ones, it looks like :( best of the day to you and yours .. love and peace always!
E.

[Ken Simm.]

There are no words my brother. Just none that I can say that describe how this affected me. Would you understand if I said it is wonderful? Because it is in all its multitudonous layers and beauftiful complexity. It hits the heart diresct in so many ways and we grieve. Like Lydi I too applaud.

[Einstein Noodle]

yes .. i do understand what you are saying Ken .. and it shows the depth of feeling in your own heart my friend .. thanks you so much for reading and reviewing ... always means a lot to me ... peace and love sir!
E.

[Robert Trakofler]

This time of year makes those losses feel even greater I can not even begin to scratch the surface of your grieving in my empathy this sort of loss I have never felt... though you have penned it so brilliantly and in its words I can palpably feel it good sir!

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Robert .. i feel your empathy and it lifts my heart this morning ... thank you!
E.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

"there was only instant Christ machinations and
me
and
dog
and

pine floors breaking."
Dear E., I wish I could help you in your grief. I pray that God and all your loved ones hold you close to comfort you until this lightning storm abates. You have brilliantly written your shock, your cold and the ripping absence that death of a loved one tears into a life, into this very personal and heart-breaking poem. You have written the pine steps, the pine floor, the pine memories into this poem. Tears shed. God bless.

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you Annette! your review has touched my deeply this morning .. i can only say thank you dear poet friend ... here at the Cafe' ..love and peace

[Paul Bell]

We all tread a path in life, and for a time others tread it with us.
The sun will rise, but something will be missing.
Maybe the odd creak of the floor embedded in time will remind you she is still around.
Just scraping the old beard may bring a smile in time.

[Einstein Noodle]

you know what i am about sir .. and you bless me with your wisdom and understanding .. it strengthens me and reminds me to hope and know that smiles will most asuredly come .. love and peace brother
E.

[Paul Bell]

You too, Einstein, be good.

[Pete]

those pine boards, raw and real with their knots. we all have a bare date with that floor/ pine box. emotionally moving piece on losing a loved one and you worked man's best friend into the story as well. that lifeless floor just lies there incapable of empathy. wonderful way to point out that it is love, loyalty and empathy that separates man from everything else. not an easy thing to lose a soulmate. very creative with mournful flow. we become confused and lost in suffering loss. could feel the helpless, solemn, tearful tone as i read. never easy letting go but we take solace in knowing that they are in a better place ... :)

"Christ machinations"

[Einstein Noodle]

your review shows your own gift of empathy and wisdom sir .. and blesses me this morning .. some days are better than others and some i just feel rather ambivalent .. but constantly lost a bit quite frankly ... waves roll in and back out but i know the calm will come as well ... thanks again Pete for you sensitive, thorough read .. and supportive review .. many thanks
E.

[Patricia Wedel]

There is a Wonder in the Thunder.... when we are put asunder.
Words cannot explain... but the loss is real... I feel the inevitable
toss of tangible love. The quiet moments will live on in your smile
and when you share her way of looking at the Sky. tenderly, Pat

[Einstein Noodle]

[Patricia Wedel]

Good morning Gene... you
Must have left your comment in a dream, because there are no words here. gently, Pat (although it says 58 minutes ago)

[Einstein Noodle]

oh that damnable little X in the gray box!!!! it messes with things here i am sure of it ... i thank you always for your support and am grateful for the wisdom in you very poetic review

[andrew mitchell]

Etched are the memories in this write carved in time. Exquisite writing my friend raw, telling, real, sad
and haunting.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks for reading with empathy and sensitivity sir .. i appreciate all your reviews

[andrew mitchell]

I think you are to be called Sir or at least wise one cos at 72 you are 10.5 yrs older than me!

[Einstein Noodle]

:).......................

[sette]

there is one inevitable thing that will happen to each one of us and that is death knocking at our doors but then one should not be afraid of the inevitable because one was given and is given the chance to enjoy life to the fullest and that we may pass by without any regrets

[Einstein Noodle]

yes indeed .. we have such a freedom of choices all the way through it .. thank you for reading and your insightful review ..