Swamp Lilly (also known as Turk Cap Lilly)

lilies many times represent purity, innocence and virtue and so is used here in contrast to the poem.

                             

                                                                              

    

 

                                       "Swamp Lilly"

Orange soot horizon waves a grey mirage

  A decoration of a morass midden rule

    Our reds whites and blues subdued

      middle ground's torn decoupage

         from left to right is skewed

            sustaining such distance

              harsh flesh is strewn

                 Rant rift railings

                   rising in tune

                    holding you

                      tightly in

                         lieu

7/20

E.

                                

Author's Note

This form is one of Richards originals:
"NABLA DEL"
an original poetic form
created by Richard W. Jenkins
© 12 Dec 2001

In the shape of an upside down (inverted) triangle, this form must be centered for full effect, but may be aligned left or right when formatting will not permit center alignment.
There is no set syllable count per line, but each descending line must be reduced by (at least) two letters, until there is one word at the bottom, and a smooth sided inverted triangle has been produced.
12 Lines total are required in the following order:
1 … Opening/Introduction Line
2 … Quatrains (4-Line verses)
1 … 3-Line Closing Verse (triplet)
Rhyme scheme is: x, xbxb, xcxc, xxx (x = no rhyme). But, by author's choice, there can be more rhymes, as long as the required minimum rhyme scheme is met. A space between L1, each quatrain and the closing 3 lines is also required to meet Richard's form.

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

So pleased I waited to view on my computer rather than phone. The splendid form was completely lost on a small screen. Now I can see it in all its inverted perfection and magnificent it looks too. I have never attempted a poem which has such a visual impact with its words. So clever. I love your lilies. We have some in our garden. I have always called them tiger lilies. They remind me of one of the characters in Rupert Bear stories I used to read a long, long time ago. Tiger Lily was a Chinese friend of Ruperts. As for the poem itself, I see this as being a statement of the political situation in your country. Extremes on both political sides, red and blue and the middle ground is left infertile. Not a healthy situation and quite a contrast in comparison to the purity of your lilies. Politics can stink at times. Happy Independence day Mr E. Hope you are having a very happy day, despite the politics and the covid. Sending my best to you. We have similar extremes over here.

Chris

[Einstein Noodle]

spot on Chris! that's exactly what I was trying to convey .. the middle ground use to be the place where things got done ... too much of the wrong stuff going on these days ... love your thoughts and review .. much appreciated! My 4th was celebrated but subdued .. parades and gatherings typical in prior years of course canceled ..but I got together with a few neighbors and lit a few crackers :)
E.

[Chris Shaw]

Good for you :)

[adornoscousin]

I think the visual effect also guides me (or forces me) into one spot. The first line has the word horizon in it which connotates an expansive landscape but then I am narrowed and forced into a more confined space.

[Einstein Noodle]

how astute Cousin! i wish i could say i did that on purpose ;) but i think the form is supposed to do just that in theme ... when the two fit .. it works ... thanks for reviewing and its so nice to be getting to know you better.
E.

[adornoscousin]

Same here!

[Einstein Noodle]

I asked Richard to take a look at this and he noted right away the missing two lines in closing. I had inadvertently left them out. He also suggested some other fine tuning i,e, not italicizing the title and adding the letter s in L3,4 &8 to make a better triangle. I did not use the two missing lines Richard suggested and I re-did the ones I had. I was going to post the revised edit under the original but decided not to because the centering got all messed up and it challenged me old nog enough to do one. :) Hope you enjoy this poem and give it a try. You can read Richard's here https://www.writerscafe.org/writing/RichardJ/2040635/

[Lydia Shutter]

It does seem as though we are held in limbo by both the left and the right these days. No middle ground is left anymore. Don't think I have ever seen turk cap lillies. They must be very pretty in person. The color draws me to the image. E, you really are wonderful with the form poetry. Kudos to you. Lydi**

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you dear friend .. glad you enjoyed. One of my neighbors has them growing in his yard and told me about them. I like the alternate name for them "Swamp Lilly" ;) yes... things seem so recklessly battled that no middle ground exists .. we have such great freedoms and opportunity in America it is terrible it is wasted on rhetoric and party lines ... my neighbor brought some of those seeds over and i planted them near Bella's grave site ... i guess the take several years to bloom .. thanks again for reading, Lydia .. if you care to give it another look i fixed the things that were not quite right. ;)
E.

[Lydia Shutter]

Ah, I see you did make a couple changes. How sweet that you planted the seeds near Bella's grave.

[Einstein Noodle]

:) ....................

[R.E. Ray]

E., I suppose I shouldn't have read this on July 4th. My mind went to politics, Trump (orange), political division (red Republicans, blue Democrats) and general discord. Sad, too, because it's a beautifully crafted poem and image. I should never insult a flower by saying it reminds of his big orange head. The artwork is lovely, the form and imagery impressive. Like many others, I've tried specific forms and generally failed. Kudos to you for this accomplishment. And, happy July 4th to you, sir.

[Einstein Noodle]

hi R.E.! well .. it is meant to be political but I did not have President Trump in mind, however the orange connection makes me smile .. cartoons of that element of his appearance are usually in good fun ... i like to try forms to keep me kind of grounded .. and when i am having a dry period creatively .. having a form to work off of kind of gets the juices flowing ;) thanks for reviewing and Happy 4th back at ya!
E.

[R.E. Ray]

You're welcome. And, I agree on the form challenge. I also listen to poets on YouTube. Lately, it's been Billy Collins. Exceptional poet with great sense of humor.

[barleygirl]

The good part is that this form has no bearing on the reading of your words whatsoever . . . hate when poets get so "into" doing a form that the message itself feels like it got a little less attention. Here, your message is every bit the lively, imaginative & original flow of imagery that we know & love from you, Gene (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Einstein Noodle]

always a joy to see you have spent time on me pages girl! thank you! and thank you for your comments .. i hear you about forms .. it is too easy to let it dictate away the theme .. i do try to avoid that ... so i appreciate you letting me know .. i revised it if you care to take another peek.
E.

[Lorry]

Always learning E. New flower and form to me, although I had to change from app to desktop site to see the full effect.
Mightily impressed.
I seem to recall when I first read one of your cinquain that I got a bit obsessed by them, so will learn this form and most likely annoy everyone by posting loads of them.
I see a burning sky and disaffection spreading throughout. And knowing what the red, white and blue means to you guys, I can't but help see lots of angry faces with MAGA caps on... (pic isn't too clear, but are they all wearing trump masks, or are they like gremlins fed after midnight, exploding into a trumpet of trumps??? &? 😀
Sustaining such distance speaks for itself in these infected days and leaves me wondering if when lockdown eases, we will have a new syndrome of people fearing touch or contact of any kind.
Bubble syndrome perhaps 😀
The you at the end really focuses this piece with a sudden stop, like tyres screeching, seeing the you directly in your path.
But then, aren't the you's always in our thoughts?
Nice one Sir. Still resonating after reading. A second viewing is a must.

[Einstein Noodle]

well ... i have actually messed up the easiest part of this one .. 12 lines .. when i transferred it to WC i worked on it a bit and inadvertently lost 2 lines .. duh! since it is Richard's original form i asked for his review and he pointed that out and offered suggestions .. which i will take and post this in it's corrected form later .. your review is so encouraging, Lorry .. thank you for taking time to read and think about it .. hadn't thought of the orange top knot of our President .. but i see your point :) concerned counselors are already talking about just such a "syndrome" ...seems humans are a bunch of cream puffs to some eh!? personally i like the gruffness of me Da and Grand Da ;) love on ya brother ... i will let you know when the corrected form is posted .. it does make a difference.
E.

[Lorry]

No worries E, will keep an eye out for it.

[Lorry]

Yep, I'll be keeping a copy of this as a template to.my feeble attempts 😀

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this looks like a flower whose insides is filled with perfect description.
I am not good with different kinds of form, but admire those who can pull it off.
and you do here, sir.
and she is your flower...love how this ends with that one most important word..."YOU"-
clever, E.
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks jacob ... i know you have to "suffer" forms ;) and so i especially appreciate your feedback on this one .. sometimes they help me in dry times .. they challenge and motivate me when i am really quite lazy about writing ... Turk's Cap are native to Arkansas and grow everywhere .. in the wild and peoples yards .. i like the alternate name for them tho "Swamp Lilly" ;))))))))) thanks for seeing the inside of things sir! and for your visits always
E.

[Chris Shaw]

I am going to come back to this one later dear Mr E, because the inverted triangle does not show up on my phone so I will have to wait until I am sitting at my desk before I give you the response you so deserve.

Chris

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Chris! i appreciate that for sure .. the form is important ;)
E.

[Ruth]

A wonderful shape/form and brilliant imagery sown here E. I relished this piece...actually, for some reason, I am seeing upside down triangles a lot today, has to mean something I think :) As for the poem, you balance such beauty with tension then edge the tension with a delicate light and mingle harder tones with the fragile beauty. Quite astounding, I always find your poetry so, amazing :)

[Einstein Noodle]

wow .. you bless me with this generous and very sensitive read ... so happy this affected you in just that way ... thank you so much for time and very encouraging review ... peace sister .. love and joy
E.