The Pelimpsest Garden - in collaboration with I Have a Voice

special thanks to Light and to Richard for helping make it right. Richard was so kind to show where the iambic scheme was incorrect and how it reads in a corrected form ..:)

Palimpsest Garden

A Poem by Einstein Noodle

" a collaboration with I Have a Voice; our first go at the English Sonnet "

"Palimpsest Garden"

hubris forms in hiding, neath winter's grace,

all paths before in spring, fall and summer.

the cycle completed will now erase;

but traces of root and bulb still glimmer.

daffodils, enchanted by an aura

like a grin on immortality's face

falls fresh overlaying all earth's flora.

one moon, it's sun; and shadow set the pace.

time, immemorial, twisting our sight 

each moment, each now erased, re-written,

a planetary palimpsest's delight

renewal addicted; werewolf bitten

new epics are heard as each petal falls

rise up and receive; the universe calls.

by I Have a Voice and E.

2014

"Palimpsest Garden"

huBRIS FORMS in HIDing, NEATH WINTer's GRACE,

all PATHS beFORE in SPRING, FALL and SUMmer.

the CYcle comPLETed will NOW eRASE;

but TRACes of ROOT and BULB still GLIMmer.

DAFfoDILS, enCHANTed BY an AUra

LIKE a GRIN on IMmorTALiTY’S FACE

falls FRESH OVerLAYing ALL earth's FLORa.

one MOON, it's SUN; and SHAdow SET the PACE.

time, IMmeMORiAL, TWISTing our SIGHT 

each MOment, each NOW eRASED, re-WRITten,

a PLANeTARy PAlimpsESTS deLIGHT

reNEWal adDICted; WEREwolf BITten

new EPics are HEARD AS each PETal FALLS

rise UP and reCEIVE; the UNiVERSE CALLS.

by I Have a Voice and E.

2014

[in correct iambic format]

"Palimpsest Garden"

huBRIS in HIDing FORMS 'neath WINTer's GRACE;

all PATHS beFORE, in SUMmer, FALL and SPRING.

the CYcle NOW comPLETed WILL eRACE,

but TRACE of ROOTed BULBS, still GLIMM’ring, SING.

enCHANTed BY an AUra, DAFfoDILS;

a GRIN (like IMmorTALiTY’S proud FACE)

falls, OVerLAYing EARTH’S fresh FLORal THRILLS.

one MOON, its SUN, and SHADow SETS the PACE.

time IMmeMORiAL shall TWIST our SIGHT;

each MOment AND each NOW  eRASED, rewrote,

a PLANeTARy PALimpsEST’S deLIGHT …

adDICtion THUS reNEWED; by WEREwolves SMOTE.

new EPics SPOKen, AS each PETal FALLS,

"rise UP, reCEIVE!" the UNiVERSE so CALLS!

        Cowrite by

I Have a Voice and E

           ©2014

Author's Note

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

Thank you Light for putting me back in the game with this old post ... these sonnets are so hard for me and doing re-doing is the pattern until it is correct ... one part is good but not another .. you change the "another" and now the "one part" is off .... i did not want to go to that painful place again tho your critique is correct ... but you are the hound of heaven, dear, and your persistence and contribution prevailed .. now please tell me its correct :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[lightsong]

Bless Your gentle heart my dear friend, Your kind spirit and Your never weak inspiration, I don;t think I deserve all these wonderfully beautiful words from You, yet thank You with all my heart 💓

[emmajoy]

This collaboration with Light really is a wonderful example of how two people can share thoughts and create magic along with academic quality. I never example this or that phrase in a collaboration cos i'd not want to suggest that is better than another. Consequently will just add that there's always inspiration in a garden whether in the discovered past, the wonderous present and futures to come but presently resting. .

Wonderful.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Emma! Actually i collaborated with I Have a Voice ..i think she has skipped town :( Light and Richard gave input that helped make it right and proper ;) thanks for finding this one ... i truly appreciate the effort .. and for you time in reviewing ...

[Neville]

It dont seem to matter which way I read it.. to date, it's always enjoyed :)

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you sir! I love your opinions .. and appreciate your expertise :) my iambs are not solidly planted ... its exasperating to read it and its reads right ... then read it again ... and it isn't ... inflection, i think, has been woefully neglected in our English "classes" ... until one gets to college and studies poetry perhaps ... I think of the Far East languages; and tho I know little of the details, am told that the same word expressed with different tones means completely different things ... hmmmmmmm going to have to ponder that a while ... thanks always for your reviews Neville .. top o' the mahrnin' to ya!
E.

[Einstein Noodle]

ps. if you look closely you will see the differences in Richards corrections ... he does put it in a correct English Sonnet corset :))))))))))))))

[Neville]

Always a bloomin pleasure Gene and always mine sir..

[Robert Trakofler]

The voice in this is very drawing in a sincere and longing tone. I love the rhyme and rhythm and the lines unfold in a lulling sort of cadence to a sublime feel punch ending! I can hear both yours and lights voice in this how much fun is that! masterful work in here

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks for wading through this one Bunny! much appreciate your input .. Light pointed out an improvement but I wrote this with I Have a Voice ... it still needs the direction Richard has given to perfect it as a sonnet .. I Have a Voice has been gone quite a while .. i hope she doesn't mind the changes I intend to make ... thanks again for taking time sir!
E.

[Richard🖌]

Whew-ee, Gene!
You two skilled artists bravely took on a very rigorous poetic challenge with this. Especially, being your first ever attempt at the English Sonnet, and I can tell you, "I've seen a whole lot worse, My Friend!"
First off, the title is sheer genius, and you both stuck passionately to the agenda through and through.
The title is stunningly brilliant. Pelimpsest: something reused or altered, but still bearing visible traces of its earlier form … sheez!

The video is perfect; it had me mesmerized first to last note and graphic, and there are some marvelously vivid and powerfully expressed phrasing, lines, verses, and metaphor, that moved and impressed me deeply … you two make a beautifully harmonious team.

On the techy side, there are a number of iambic trips that can easily be sorted, if you've the notion … I mean, all the bones are here; it's a great piece to start your sonneteering with. I see this was composed in 2014, but poems are never too olde to appreciate, enjoy, and keep perfecting, eh? : )

I never met your co-author, "I Have a Voice", or had the opportunity to enjoy their work, but now wish I had.
Big smiles and most grateful thanks for sharing this with us … keep up the good work, My Friend! ⁓ Richard 🍃

[Einstein Noodle]

I Have a Voice has been gone for a while now but i will try to connect with her .. your review and attention is very much appreciated and i will take to heart your suggestions to correct the glitches in this ... they need to be correct eh!? ;) thanks again my friend... your leadership here at the Cafe' is welcome on my pages any day! :)
E.

[Richard🖌]

You make sharing and reading a genuine pleasure, Gene.
Yes, and I happily agree that a poem with the potential this one shows should definitely be made whole and set straight.

It is I who thank You, as-well. : )

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Delightful sonet capturing the cycle of seasons in a lovely, descriptive and uplifting work.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks John! so kind of you to say so ...
E.

[Patricia Wedel]

dear E... we have left our feelings under the snow where tired hearts rest with roses until the Spring when trumpets bloom in refrain from the sweetly falling rain. Hearts entwine with morning glories and nests with Robins eggs are kept warm with feathers and sunshine’s shift into summer time☔️ truly, Pat

[Einstein Noodle]

oh my goodness Pat! how you have touched and uplifted me ol' heart with this review ... i could not be more happy our poem sparked it .. God bless my friend!
E.

[lizardbrain]

I look forward to coming back and reading this one again and again, as I can tell I'll gain new insight and meaning each time! I love the underlying concept - as I'm waiting for garden season it's fun to think what may be going on in this "planetary palimpsest" of winter beyond just the dead remnants you can see above-ground!

[Einstein Noodle]

yes ... our gardens a perfect example eh!? we have lots of prolific gardener poets here at the Cafe' ..nice to know you put your hands in the Earth too ... i moved about 3 yrs ago and what we grow here are rocks ... as it rains ... the magically appear without human help ... but one of my projects this summer is to build a bit of a large box and haul some good soil in so we can plant it ... thanks again for you taking time to read and review on me pages ..
E.

[lizardbrain]

there are some creepers that don't mind growing amongst rocks! creeping thyme, and mint will grow anywhere seems like! I'm sure you'll figure something out, in the meantime I hope those rocks give you the color and sparkle you need!

[Einstein Noodle]

:) ........................

[Lydia Shutter]

WOW....when a poem I write is scrunched up and thrown across the room, it leaves space for the next one I will write....just as daffodils lose their petals and a new flower begins to bud. The circle of life effects all things....even poems it seems. Sometimes a line from an older poem of mine finds a place in a new poem I write. The imagery in this is spectacular and the metaphor not lost on me. E, this one is superb! When the universe calls, we must answer. "I have a voice"....thanks for helping with this one....I so enjoyed it. Lydi**

[Einstein Noodle]

yes...this is an older one for sure sorry that I Have a Voice no longer visits :( i appreciate how you use her moniker in your review ;) thank you for finding this one Lydia ... and bringing it back to life :)))
E.

[Lydia Shutter]

Good poetry never dies, my friend...never!

[Coyote Poetry]

Wonderful use of words my friend. They had the feel of the mystic writers of the past who knew. Nature was the blessed place.
"daffodils, enchanted by an aura
like a grin on immortality's face
falls fresh overlaying all earth's flora.
one moon, it's sun; and shadow set the pace."
The above lines could stand alone. Thank you Einstein for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you so much for visiting this poem, Coyote! it is not my norm and together with I Have a Voice we wrote and re-wrote and still it needed corrections (see Light's input) ... love on ya brother!
E.

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure and you are welcome my friend.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

This is a wonderful collaboration by the two of you E.! The form, flow, language, metaphor, alliteration, and imagery are lovely. I think beautiful Light has a lovely influence on you. This sonnet must have been a difficult task to compose- even though a palimpsest (love that word)! Aren’t we all palimpsests as we grow and learn?......Excelent write and Kudos to you both. P.S. Awesome video!

[Einstein Noodle]

definitely not my forte' ... working with "I have a Voice" was a real treat and Light absolutely help my toes to the fire to correct a few things ... which i grudgingly did ;) like i say..i did not want to revisit that write re-write pain again ... but its worth it ... writing in a classic form helps breath some discipline into my otherwise carefree life :) really grateful you found this one and reviewed it Annette ... i agree about the word .. its a corker!
E.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Many Congrats to “I have a Voice” as well for this lovely work.:)))