This was truly amazing, I looked first to Your pistol as Your pen, Your muse... Your magical wand... but as I read down, I felt that "pissed off" little boy, alone and hurt... I once wrote s poem about the moon shadow, and I say... without the light, there is no shadow, I kept singing in my head through Your words,
" I'm in the basement, You're in the sky, I'm in the basement baby "
You've expressed the shadows in a very creative and sensitive way, and I don't see the shadows of the nights, but more those spirits who feel they are low, unnoticed in life, who want someone to "spotlight" them, those whom are in need, whatever this need is... great poem Mr.E, thank You*
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
and thank you Light for your sensitive and thorough reading of this one .. you hit all the right "sp.. read moreand thank you Light for your sensitive and thorough reading of this one .. you hit all the right "spots" ...thank you again my friend
E.
Glad that reprobate 'Stinky Linski' dug this one out. i must have missed it first time round. Tis not like you but is like you. On first read I thought this might be a coy guy unable to be socialy adept enough to step out of the shadows then the end threw me. Perhaps someone who still feels like a child at times and feels alone and awkward as they did back then. Definately a thinking piece [Son of a gun!]
Posted 5 Years Ago
5 Years Ago
Stinky Linske eh!? :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) i'm glad too John .. and yeah ... this is kind of a.. read moreStinky Linske eh!? :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) i'm glad too John .. and yeah ... this is kind of a psycho/emotional thing ... and i agree...kinda like me and kinda not ... there are a lot of "spaces" in this one; for people to see many things i think .. and i love what you have drawn from it .. all those insecurities ... and the alone-ness are at the heart of such coldness ... a societal illness with mild to some very extreme behaviors attached :{ peace on Earth John! and God bless you always :)
E.
Not sure if this is young boy dreaming of being a gun fighter or a dying gun fighter dreaming of being a little boy, either way I loved it,
Posted 5 Years Ago
5 Years Ago
thanks gram ... not an easy ride, this one ;) probably as abstract as i get .. it was good to put it.. read morethanks gram ... not an easy ride, this one ;) probably as abstract as i get .. it was good to put it down .. really happy you read this one .. i think if anyone at the Cafe's can appreciate its form and language its you ;)
E.
I remember my grandfather would shoot at the moon, every New year. Some darkness shared in the poetry my friend. Great song and powerful words shared.
Coyote
Posted 6 Years Ago
6 Years Ago
ahhhhhhh i see your Grandfather my friend :) ... a good thought and memory in the dark of my poem eh.. read moreahhhhhhh i see your Grandfather my friend :) ... a good thought and memory in the dark of my poem eh!? Thank you always Coyote Man ... for taking time
E.
A neglected child in pain. Suffering in the cold and dark. Trying to cope with his emotional turbulence. That's what I picked up here. A toy gun, an imaginary gun. " I won't show it to you, even if you show me yours", so child like in expression. There is darkness here. Much to ponder on, much to consider here Mr E.
Chris
Posted 6 Years Ago
6 Years Ago
thanks for reviewing Chris ..and for taking time to find this one .. yes... dark and brooding .. wal.. read morethanks for reviewing Chris ..and for taking time to find this one .. yes... dark and brooding .. walks the streets everywhere doesn't it?! :(
E.
So very sadly it does Me E. It is a painful reality that it is all around us. Hurts like hell to kno.. read moreSo very sadly it does Me E. It is a painful reality that it is all around us. Hurts like hell to know that :(
6 Years Ago
we seem to be sharing a bit in the Earths pain and grieving this morning Christine ..it is an honor .. read morewe seem to be sharing a bit in the Earths pain and grieving this morning Christine ..it is an honor ... peaches and cream for breakfast may be just the thing ;) love and joy!
6 Years Ago
We have been sharing indeed :)) Now let's have a joyful day Mr E.
This has such a sad and chilling element to it.. can't quite explain it. That je ne sais quoi quality. The forlorn description of the narrator who is on the guard, ready to ward himself off against an unseen assailant is countered with his deep seated vulnerability which is realized at the end. Einstein this is quite something.
Very provocative.
Best,
M.
Posted 6 Years Ago
6 Years Ago
thank you Mallika .. for your sensitive read and letting me know you were here ;) chilling ...yes..... read morethank you Mallika .. for your sensitive read and letting me know you were here ;) chilling ...yes...definitely chilling .. and vulnerable ..spot on my friend thank you again and always for visiting
E.
Dark and brooding mood. It has a tone to it that sucks you in and makes your eyebrows furrow. Like I can feel the injustice, the resentment of being denied acknowledgment. Perhaps I take it to a different place then intended but that's the beauty of a good piece, it makes readers feel different things. Great piece!
Posted 6 Years Ago
6 Years Ago
good morning LK! yes...the beauty of poetry is in so many ways to interpret ... making it ones own ;.. read moregood morning LK! yes...the beauty of poetry is in so many ways to interpret ... making it ones own ;) thanks again..so nice to have you stop and review
E.
Hello there.... I know, its been a long time since I was here last. ... a long story....
A pistol wouldn't have helped me, but pain relief would certainly have helped.
Thought provoking piece Einstein
Posted 6 Years Ago
6 Years Ago
so blessed to have your visits always sharonlee .. it has been a while ... i need to visit your page.. read moreso blessed to have your visits always sharonlee .. it has been a while ... i need to visit your pages as well ... blessings of peace, comfort and joy dear friend!
E.
Wow, E, this took me on a trip down memory lane.....so many different angles to this.....on the surface, some may think it's about guns or shooting, but there is a much deeper subtext, about our own fears, and how we act out when we are cornered........
I am waiting for the moon now.....got some shooting planned....;)
Posted 6 Years Ago
6 Years Ago
thank you for your support Volcano! i very much appreciate you taking time to dig into this one a li.. read morethank you for your support Volcano! i very much appreciate you taking time to dig into this one a little ... this morning when out with my dogs the moon ran away and hid ;) but i keep shooting anyway :[
E.
Oh hello you - look at what you have created! What a fantastic piece of work my friend - i fell down and in love with this 'a little to much to the left' narrator. There's something going on here, he wants to share it - perhaps only with the moon - but forever looking down he shall never find the answers.
This could be the makings of some kinda movie right here - or even just the Prolog - I love it - your descriptions are perfect - it felt cold and dark and I just had a vision of this guy walking along daring everybody NOT to stop the motion of his stride.
What great surprise to stop in the cafe - love ya X
miss you when you are gone Elizabeth ;) thank you for such a kind review .. and "putting on" this na.. read moremiss you when you are gone Elizabeth ;) thank you for such a kind review .. and "putting on" this narrator ... he's not the most comfortable guy on the block eh!? hugs and love KWP! so glad for your visits.
E.
6 Years Ago
oh you know I miss you too --- WC comes in waves for me - I am busy writing again in different ways .. read moreoh you know I miss you too --- WC comes in waves for me - I am busy writing again in different ways - but I know where to find you anytime - lucky me X x - PS did I say thanks for my digital card ? X
Definitely one of your most intricate & powerful messages, nicely crafted in a way that any reader can find a different way to view this situation. The strongest aspect of this poem is the way the narrator comes across as a little unhinged in a thoroughly-buttoned-up way *eeeek!* Fondly, Margie
Posted 6 Years Ago
6 Years Ago
thanks for reviewing Barley girlfriend ... i know how you appreciate these kinds of poems ;) so than.. read morethanks for reviewing Barley girlfriend ... i know how you appreciate these kinds of poems ;) so thank you again for wading through..and the unhinged part is the most important thing for me ...so i am very happy it stuck with you a bit ..love ya
E.
This morning as I began to log in to WC, it occurred to me what an inspiring and comfortable place this has become for me.
There are so many talented people sharing, encouraging, teaching and learni.. more..