Neighborhood Watch

I am curious to know if the video makes a difference in the impressions you get from the poem.

Neighborhood Watch

Scorching empty ocean floors

Like crumbling bones

A lifetime waiting as

Vapors inside the dropper

Black rubber bulb

Never touched and

One drop collects .....

I squeeze          it          out

Sands the arid sponge 

takes it

dissipates

dehydrates ... 

A large heart aches and

The hood .............. 

watches in

wonder.

12/06/2017

E.

Author's Note

Reviews

[Re-Pete]

very strong imagery and power in your well chosen words knitted with a fine touch. you've combined words that one would never expect to go together into something meaningful as it labors to drive home your theme. something has gone amiss as we finally arrive at a stark revelation. i think we've all been there feeling like the proverbial deer in the headlights. we're all in this together? what affects one, affects all perhaps?

"There is no remedy for love but to love more." - Thoreau

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks for reading and reviewing Pete ... i much appreciate your time taken ... another powerful Thoreau quote to lace my morning .. already blessed ;)
E.

[Neville]

Pow er full & power to ya... I can only imagine how you pieced 'Neighbourhood Watch' together... painstakingly, I Imagine... and all that, while the hood was watching and waiting and wondering...

Great video, I must say.... must also say, yes... it changed my perception of your words.. still great, just different in my head...... Neville

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks again for your visit Neville .. painstaking yes! you know it! thank you again for listening to the video and remarking about it ..i was particularly interested in how it worked with the poem ... the poem being quite obtuse ;) i noticed i need to edit a bit .. and maybe change a word or two ... definitely edit "crmbling" ;) not sure about the word changes .. one can rework poems eternally if we're not careful :))) love your review sir! top o' the mahrnin'!

[Neville]

no worries, no problem, my sincere pleasure sir... might I suggest crumbling which I was going to mention, but hold back on any other changes maybe unless you really feel they are necessary... Yep, have a great day.. N

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks man ... :)

[Neville]

Nowt but a pleasure..... :) N

[Patricia Wedel]

dear E... the Deer watch and wonder in your photo... I will listen to the Foo Fighters and especially when they sing Pretender. We moved to a very large home built in 1988 with a master bedroom with a huge window that is like an Observatory where clusters of Stars meet to observe and give guidance... I am certain. We were blessed with divine guidance. Amen truly, Pat

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you so much for stopping again and to listen to the music ;) sounds like a wonderful view through your window ... we are also blessed with views ....i love taking me dogs out in the wee hours so they can pee...and i can gaulk at the wonders of space ... and just breath ..... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! ;)

[Patricia Wedel]

dear E... I feel the stars above and their guidance... a dance of beauty and love
Always, Pat

[Einstein Noodle]

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yes...those stars can lead us to better mental and emotional health can't they ...and in giving credit for the vast expanse where it is due ..perhaps the lands will heal too ...thank you for your positive review on this one Pat... much appreciated :)
E.

[R.E. Ray]

Your poetry is impressive. I like the poem paired with the music video. You write at heights (not depths, as many say) I'm not sure I'll ever reach. So, my interpretation is probably much different than the origins in your head.

What I take away is the message that life is fleeting. The richest, purest "drops" are few, and though rich, often leave us unfulfilled. Still, we're here together, bonded in humanity, enduring together. Thanks for sharing, and for exercising my brain this morning.

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you Robert ..i am humbled by your encouragement...i think i was 4 feet 11 inches until i turned 20 ..and weighed in at 90 pounds weakling ;) .. seriously tho..i love your comments and take on this one...sometimes i don't know what they are really about either .. i do start with something definite but it wanders ..but it's in there somewhere eh!? poetry is so very subjective ..as it should be ... and thank you for the FR as well .. i will stop by to read your poetry soon
E.

[Corset]

favor returned is it suppose to be "like crumbling bones"? when a couple fights it can get pretty noisy, everyone can usually see and hear them and the deer pic is awesome, neighbor hood eyes are like stars, countless witnesses to the death of love, eyes are dry, no more tears to spill, the well has gone dry, you sqeeze out one more for the good old days. or I dont understand it at all and the video didnt help one bit XD but it was still trippy fun to read XD

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Corset ... mostly about giving and how it seems so little compared to the consuming .. i like how you bring it to a relationship ... the hood watches and seems way too many times does nothing eh!? i appreciate your honesty ..thank you for responding about the video..i was hoping to bring a larger picture of the hood into the poem ..did not want to use words as it felt "done" when i got to "...wonders" ;) love your reading and glad you let that overall trippy feeling make it fun for you ..peace and joy
E.

[Corset]

backatcha!

[barleygirl]

In this piece, your imagination is about six light years beyond my own. I love your "out-there" imagery, even if I'm not sure what it all means. Mystic writers like you have taught me not to expect meaning, as sometimes it's all about the sensations of the ride *smile* Here's wishing you & your loved ones a joyous & love-filled Christmas! (((HUGS))) Fondly Margie

[Einstein Noodle]

spot on Margie ..and i am doubly thankful you take the trouble to discover ..many would just pass by :( i think you are so right about the approach .. although meaning is in there ;) and can be seen in many ways .. a wonderment of poetry says i! i sometimes feel bad becasue the very concrete thought line i am inspired by gets a run off on its own ... my mother-in-law was deep into the arts including poetry and told me to be careful about writing in too obtuse way and no one will know what one is saying .. but as with this one ..there is an internal process that comes to fruition and the overriding sense i get is "finished" ..so i stop .. and feel fulfilled .. i have decided not to worry about it..that ..that is my voice ..i will be content with it ... hugs and wagging tails dear friend
E.

[barleygirl]

That was truly your best share of all time, between the two of us. I was transfixed as I read the whole thing! You are amazing! I figure there will always be plenty of people who can read & think & appreciate tangents as each of us do, so no need to alter one's style to appeal to people who are on a different wavelength. For most of us, writing comes out in a mysterious way that can be tweaked, but not to be overhauled *wink! wink!* (((HUGS)))

[Einstein Noodle]

yes!!! exactly so ..tweeked not overhauled ..i hear the poets anthem in that :)

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Nice write! I like how it ends, "watches and wonders". Tyfs!!! The poem is short simple and poetic.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks you for reading, Cyprian ... and the encouraging words ...
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

love is sometimes like a drug that destroys us when we abuse it...
and others watch as we take it too often, but they cannot help...we have to do that on our own...find our own balance in relationships---
this is like Hemingway...it's like what isn't there is as important as what is.

j.

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you for reviewing jacob...i am truly humbled a bit by the connections you made in reading this one .. love you brigning love into it ...and your perceptions of what isn't there .. i agree ...just as important ..thanks again my friend for your encouraging words on this one
E.

[Sami Khalil]

Neighborhoods destroyed by the ravages of drugs or illicit gains and all those addicts are getting high and make the sky their neighborhood with lights and sounds heightened in their heads. An outstanding write, sir Einstein.

[Einstein Noodle]

always grateful for your sensitive and thorough reads Sami .. thanks so much for taking time
E.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome, sir.