The Race

Fur nesting 

Pink nosed and long whiskered 

Rats

Wanted to  race

so challenged the Rabbits who

sanctified winning who

challenged the Turtles whose

taloned jaws kept snapping

severing all the stretching necks could 

reach 

lead leggedly paced

lumbering voracious beaks

none could draw up to the line

starting gun shot many times

confusion was racy sublime

everyone started ....behind

feel me

hear me

see them

racing.

11/02/2017

E.

Author's Note

Reviews

[SleeplessVolcano]

Great job Big E!

Loved the "left" and "right" spacing, nearly like a screen play, giving voices to different parts....

the line "feel me" did somehow break the flow from a genre point of view...the type of language use in the poem, i.e. "sanctified winning" and "lumbering voracious beaks" suggests a polished style. The term "feel me" seems a bit too casual to fit into the rest of the poem.....

A pleasure to read, nonetheless!
:)

[Einstein Noodle]

good morning Sleepless ..great to see you ...thank you for such a thoughtful read ..i will take your impressions about that line to heart ... it does kind of change the "feel" ;) its an attempt to draw readers in on a more personal level ... i have admired this kind of spacing of others here and have wanted to use it ... its useful in having those voices more separated ..glad that it works for you ..
E.

[Einstein Noodle]

hey buddy! i changed it ..what do you think ... :)

[Ken Simm.]

I feel an animation coming on. Remarkable.

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahahaha! yes .. cartoon characters running amuke across the screen eh!? thanks for stopping by Ken..always appreciate your visits and comments .. i take them to heart sir! :)
E.

[Moonie]

Oh you clever, clever man!!!
I love how aesthetic and fresh and experimental this is!! Honestly, I find it difficult to try such experimental poems...but you have done it quite well...the rabbits, the turtles and rats made me remember Alice participating in the race suggested by Dodo... I know the race you mean is not as cheery as that one... your poem is casual and adventurous, and does not try to preach its lessons too much, which makes it a very interesting read.
"confusion was racy sublime everyone started ....behind" are my favourite lines ...

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahaha those are my favorite lines too...i feel pretty gratified you mention them ...and of Alice and the Dodo :))) thanks for reviewing Moon ... so very fine to see you around
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

'see me, feel me, touch me"
the race wizard...lumbering through life at the right pace will not only get us to the finish line...but probably with our shell intact...
rats and rabbits multiply, divide, add and then subtract and end up getting there pretty late---not enough thinking along the way...just instinct.
love this journey and the way it is presented on the page.

j.

[Einstein Noodle]

love your visits always jacob...thank you for taking time and your perceptive review ... its a jungle eh!?
E.

[h d e rushin]

EE Cummings/ with his reasonable assumptions that spacing, when done right or proper, is how love works. It's the performance become manifest; the rifle held vertically at "present arms". Yet, the coolest observation at the end. By love I mean
the premonition, the feeling that something real is about to happen.
I woke up to men grouping women, while other men denied it ever happened. Poet's don't deny s**t./ great poem/ dana

[Einstein Noodle]

love your take on this Dana! i am humbled and gratified at the same time by your remarks ... thank you so much for taking time and leaving this sensitive and well thought review ... much appreciated for sure!
E.

[emmajoy]

Cleverly contrived, words displayed to add to the confusion and intent of your words. Reading a second time i'm wondering if you mean me to see and feel the ever competitive rat-race of our crazy world!?

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you for taking the time to read again, emma ... and for your encouraging review ... i think there is a lot of room for interpretations ...thank you for asking ...i get side tracked when i write sometimes as the writing tho started with a concrete theme in mind it takes me other places .. i think this is one of those .. and the rat race is strongly implicated ;) i was thinking of all playing of the race card these days when i began ... but i think your impression is much better
E.

[emmajoy]

Oh aren't I the clever one!!! :) Reading again... such a clever way of expressing thoughts... truly.. worthy, different.

[Neville]

And they're off to a fine start, left & right lanes zig zag down the field & quite necessarily so to make head n tail out of the whole event, just watchem go & enjoy...........Nicely done & well writ & the winner is....

[Einstein Noodle]

:)))))))))))) that you got into the swing of things brings me a fine chuckle ... thank you for reviewing Neville ... always appreciated!
E.

[Neville]

Likewise. E...........N

[AYVID N]

The confusion is comical, as it always is in the mindless rat race. What they set out to achieve almost never gets achieved and in the process they lose so much. I appreciate the different format a lot. The characterization of the rabbits and rats is just superb! Enjoyed so much!

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks DIVYA! love love love your review ...makes me feel good ;) and inspired too!
E.

[Zahra]

one could draw up to the line
starting gun shot many times

confusion was racy sublime
everyone started ....behind

Magical lines as always. Absolutely loved it.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Z ... feel very gratified that you do .. :))))
E.