The Race

Fur nesting 

Pink nosed and long whiskered 

Rats

Wanted to  race

so challenged the Rabbits who

sanctified winning who

challenged the Turtles whose

taloned jaws kept snapping

severing all the stretching necks could 

reach 

lead leggedly paced

lumbering voracious beaks

none could draw up to the line

starting gun shot many times

confusion was racy sublime

everyone started ....behind

feel me

hear me

see them

racing.

11/02/2017

E.

Author's Note

Reviews

[SleeplessVolcano]

Great job Big E!

Loved the "left" and "right" spacing, nearly like a screen play, giving voices to different parts....

the line "feel me" did somehow break the flow from a genre point of view...the type of language use in the poem, i.e. "sanctified winning" and "lumbering voracious beaks" suggests a polished style. The term "feel me" seems a bit too casual to fit into the rest of the poem.....

A pleasure to read, nonetheless!
:)

[Einstein Noodle]

good morning Sleepless ..great to see you ...thank you for such a thoughtful read ..i will take your impressions about that line to heart ... it does kind of change the "feel" ;) its an attempt to draw readers in on a more personal level ... i have admired this kind of spacing of others here and have wanted to use it ... its useful in having those voices more separated ..glad that it works for you ..
E.

[Einstein Noodle]

hey buddy! i changed it ..what do you think ... :)

[Blue]

Been reading some of your recent poems, Einstein, but unlike your other friends, I don't have anything wise to comment on each of them. I have always been a fan of your poetry though. That's something. And I do hope someday I'd be as creative as you when it comes to experimenting with forms and style. I have a lot of work to do to get there.

[Einstein Noodle]

you make me blush dear Blue! your encouragement is plenty says i! this is pretty open as to interpretation ...what you see is what counts dear one ;)
E.

[Karen Redburn]

I understand this as the human rat race. The snapping severing, seems cut throat. The ending feels like a plea to stop for a moment and see the real person behind this rat race we live through. Loved it E. Cheers!

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you again Karen for your thoughtful reading and review ... yes ..a plea for sure :( we can do so much better ...
E.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

All the varied creatures in the rat race...the rabbits thinking they're so fast...the turtles holding on until it thunders...and the rat pack...keeping up the cool end of things like Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr. I enjoyed.

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahaha love the rat pack .... bunch of hoods weren't they?! ;)) thanks for reviewing Fabian... much appreciated
E.

[KWP]

Hey E !!

You know on the Chinese calendar I am a RAT - I always disliked being a rat until my boys pointed out that the rat, with her cunning, always wins the race. And funnily enough, plus or minus the cunning, that's how I view life - as always winning. Why? Because the needs are simple the desires still there but slowly evaporating - must be learning something as I go eh? It's a journey.

Your poem, I like it. It is clever. The former works.

I see someone commented on the political agenda - I can't comment there as well I have no political agenda on my mind just now.

I do however think of this so called 'rat race' that we are in becoming more complex with the populating rising. Subcultures popping up each second confusing matters even more. Everyone striving to be ME. SELF, I - where what this planet needs is for the rats, turtles, lions and other beasts to turn the cycle anti clockwise and go back - way back when - we only took what was needed.

I see that in the impoverished communities - they only take what they need - living the simpler life. Us westerners - man the greed is think a and rife.

Well, I guess your poem got me thinking E.

For that I thank you X

[Einstein Noodle]

i hope it hasn't spoiled your vacation luv .. ;) i wonder tho... in the simple life if the tribe wouldn't "race" for the morsels ;)) and of course always we have the hoarder .. i like how you make this a bit of the internal journey KWP .. i never can remember what i am on the Chinese calander ..when we go to the restaurant i always have to look .. i think i am the monkey ... i will have to check and remember from now on ;) thanks for reviewing dear friend
E.

[Sami Khalil]

A vicious race indeed in this political arena and a powerful outpouring of raw emotions and injuries. You use satire to convey the truthful message. You are astute poet.

[Einstein Noodle]

oh my goodnes sir...thank you so much for reading and your very encouraging review...satire is something i hve been weak in so ...very gratified you have pointed it out ..thanks agian sir!
E.

[Sami Khalil]

You are exceedingly welcome.

[Lydia Shutter]

And the thing is, E, the winner of the rat race is still a rat! Very politically up to the second write here. I enjoyed it. You are a clever one! Lydi**

[Einstein Noodle]

yes Lydia; spot on! rats all around i am so sorry to agree :( too much money and too much power ... i don't think there is any "fix" that will do ...how many good honest people have you voted in and watched as they compromised to the beast? even one is too many ..it should be the opposite ..so that weak character is strengthened by going in ...oh well ...my best comfort is in the words of Jesus "...give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what belongs to God .." Jesus wasn't much into politics was He!? thanks so much for reading and your review ...always appreciate your input :)
E.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

So clever, yes I hear and feel you E.! Great unique split form, flow, cadence, rhyme and theme. I think Aesop would smile at this fable! But wait- I think it’s true! Important, relevant poetic political satire. Love this!

[Einstein Noodle]

you do feel me don't you Ms Higley :))) so glad you read and left your review ... the meat of our learning here eh!? so gratified you enjoyed .. couldn't ask for more
E.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

:)))))))))!

[barleygirl]

I'm afraid I cannot escape the political implications of your competitive scramble here . . . I guess it's all a rat race in the end! I love your ending most of all with it's tart contrast *smile* Fondly, Margie

[Einstein Noodle]

political implications intended dear barleygirl .. thank you for reading with an astute, critical eye .. my dogs got new beds for Christmas ...early this year ..from Canada .. truly heavy duty .. best i have found yet! hugs, peace and joy
E.

[barleygirl]

You crack me up! Love the "dog-bed" share! I always try to come up with some delectable treats for my pets over the holidays. My usually sleek Paloma is getting a little chunky already! She's piling on that holiday-five! *gobble! gobble!*

[Einstein Noodle]

love :) ............ peace ......... joy ...

[andrew mitchell]

Okay who won? Nice work here Einstein somewhat animal farm meets pinball wizard in the final stanza.. very nice indeed.

[Einstein Noodle]

good question Andrew! ... love your animal farm/pinball analogy .. great stuff ..glad you enjoyed ...thank you for taking time my friend
E.

[h d e rushin]

I revisited this again this morning over dollar store coffee and salted butter...In other words, abscised from normality........and it's still the poem of the year..../dana

[Einstein Noodle]

ooooooooo salted butter! you rebel you! ;) what a wonderful compliment that you stopped and read again...and even more that you shared your thoughts ..thank you so much dana! much appreciated!
E.