Lá Fhéile Pádraig, "the Day of the Festival of Patrick"

this is my third weeks assignment for the MOOC i am in .. we had two choices and mine was to write a Pantoum. It also is supposed to address a cultural tradition with its meaning then and today

a Pantoum

My Da wasn't much of a talking man;

he loved his stew and brew.

At table he told us a story

of how the Green holds true.

He loved his stew and brew but

harpooned his feeling free.

At table he told us a story or two

while bouncing me on his knee.

Harpooning his feeling free,

tears pierced his cheek that day.

While bouncing me on his knee;

he knew i would go away.

A tear pierced his cheek that day.

Diaspora paraded the streets.

He knew i would go away;

while cèilidhs of Dál Riata did meet

When diaspora paraded the ave

they forgot the bones and the teeth.

While cèilidhs of Dal Riata gathered

babies died in the streets.

They forgot the bones and the teeth.

At table he told a story or two.

Babies died in the streets.

It never was talked of, 'tis true

Author's Note

The Pantoum is made up of any number of quatrains. The second and fourth lines of preceding verses becomes the first and third line of the following verse. The last verse is a little different in that the first and third line are the second and fourth of the stanza above and the closing line is many times repeats the opening line.

Reviews

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

What a riviting poem. It seems the greater the tragedy the harder humans try to hide their feelings.

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you, Cowboy! what a treat you found this to read .. hatching it was like going through what i imagine labor is like ... ugh! really gratified and grateful for your encouraging review
E.

[William Michael Reeves]

It's always interesting to study a poem for it's technical form then set that aside and read it for content and general flow of subject. After I stopped picking it apart I really enjoyed the read. I could almost feel the grit of the story in antique black and white looking through cold windows listening to stories told as they happened in the streets outside parading respectfully by babies lifeless bodies. Obviously you took some liberties with the form.

[Einstein Noodle]

:))))))))))))))))) well .. not so much liberties but lack of talent .. and a ceiling on restricting my rebellious abstractness ... i love what you say about the value of attempting classic form poetry .. it can not fail to enhance one's experience in creative, expressive writing .. have to thank you some more for paying attention to my streets and pages sir! so grateful to have met you .. tho life has whittled away the time i spend here at the Cafe' ... i make it a point to stroll along your paths a bit more ... peace and comfort sir! slainte mhath! :))))))))))))))))
E.

[Einstein Noodle]

do you think if i divided it into quatrains it would be of benefit?

[William Michael Reeves]

That's amazing that you asked that! I was thinking about the very same thing this morning and was going to recommend you seperate the quatrains. Technically quatrains are part of the form and distinguishing the repeated lines seems to get lost without it. I'd hardly say you're lacking talent but I do see where you added words to find a rhyme and all that. It's hard to write a pantoum. I just automatically wrote the lines that got advanced then filled in the blanks which really had me scratching my noodle. If you do read my streets in linear fashion you'll be in for a roller coaster ride of emotion and subject. Glad to know you too E!
Bill

[Cherrie]

I revisited this one this morning and I have to say it reminded me of my own daddy. He too liked to pull a pint and Irish stew. I must confess of his stew I am not a fan. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahaha ... me Ma made all the stew in the house .. but learned how to kick up a bit by watching and helping her ... as for a pint .. its a healthy habit so "they" say. ;) thanks so much Cherrie! most appreciate your re-visiting .. peace and joy!
E.

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Gene... your poetry is gentle for the
Telling. Life is full of sorrow... and we never know about tomorrow. I feel the Lilt of Angel wings where birds sing and children play their flute... the Piper to Pay... I have so little time to pray. tenderly, Pat

[Einstein Noodle]

wow! you put a big smile on my face this morning Pat! you took a bit of a walk and found this one from three years ago .. i can no ttell you how many times i wrote .. referred to the "proper" form .. re-wrote .. then had to change things some more because i re-wrote .. checked the proper form etc. etc.. but it felt so good to finally get it there .. and to tell of my Da and a small bit of Irish heritage was fulfilling .. so tickled you chose to read this and to review ...

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Gene... a year has passed, and "Hope" is all we have... the World has become Insane... at least our Leaders are "Mad". We can only hope and pray for Miracles to Save each Day when the Sun Rises and blue skies bring healing Rain. Hoping you are Safe and Well in the Ozarks where you dwell. gently, Pat

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks so much for your well wishes Ms. Wedel! i send them right back at ya in spades my friend! and how incredible you returned to this one .. full in my heritage ... i struggled with the form a lot ... i am well .. just not much inspired and have spots i use to fill with reading and writing are filled with ... well ... an hour of gym and an hour of yoga three times a week, Bible study and choir practice ... it's not a lot in the scheme of things but to me ... fills the day .. love on ya girl! :)

[Richard🖌]

Thank you for sharing this excellently rendered effort, Gene....
I find this piece to be well worded and expressed, while tragically sad to contemplate, and I also very much enjoy that you've included a touch of Gaelic historical fact and dialect for our enlightenment.
I felt a surge of palpably impacting power, both in emotion and imagery, from the trying tyme threaded deftly throughout.

It is quite easy to tell you poured a considerable bit of your heart and soul out onto the page, as-well-as, gave an honest effort to "get it right" in detail and form, and we both know the Pantoum is not all that simple, eh?
Cultural recountings like this are bound to touch deeply into my own Celtic core -- from the more tragic days of yore under the red dragon in me oon daer Wales … well told, Syr Bard.

Technically, there are a number of issues you could address, if you've the mind to.
Love the Gaelic title and use … would be great to include pronouncements and translations in Author's Note. I think your choice of music and its picture are spot-on to carry the mood.

Another fine effort from one of the site's most entertaining artists.
Thank you, My Fine Friend … SLAINTE! ⁓ Richard 🍃

[Einstein Noodle]

:) Slainte Mhath :) glad this touched your Celtic soul Richard ... yes! the troubles ... three generations away and those times still are felt in me .. it was my Grand Da who boarded the ship for America ;)
E.

[Tamara Beryl Latham]

Einstein Noodle, this is an excellent pantoum. The subject (St. Patrick) is tremendously heart wrenching, but each verse of the poem enlightens the reader.

You are really good at formal poetry and I hope you continue. I loved your version of the pantoum.

[Einstein Noodle]

hey ... i could not be more gratified and encouraged ... we are on the same page about classic forms in poetry ... much to gain even in just the trying ... i really appreciate you reviewing this one Tamara ... peace!
E.

[Tamara Beryl Latham]

Thanks Einstein. I'll try to post some different forms of classical poetry.

Decades ago I was a forum moderator for classical poetry on the Moontown Cafe poetry site, but their site has really changed. Don't think classical poetry is even a category there now.

[Einstein Noodle]

that's a shame ... you must have gained some wonderful experience participating in such a way.

[Tamara Beryl Latham]

Yes, a little. Way too much work though. There was a classical poetry publication titled "The Formalist" years ago. Don't know if they're still around.

And there is also Hypertexts.

People can still get classical poetry published, but it's not in demand.

[Neville]

What an amazing tale is told here and so darn adeptly too... I would never dare try anything so complex.. Peace, Love & All Good Things, plus a whole heap of respect.... N

[Einstein Noodle]

oh Neville! it was a nightmare ...I can't tell you the write and re-writes ...every time I re-checked it I saw something to correct ... but that class taught me a lot about a persons voice .. and re-enforced what I think about strict forms in poetry ... I think they are great to try .. the discipline is a beneficial experience for all but especially those like me that are free verse bent ... thanks so much for your encouragement ... your review means a lot to me sir!
E.

[Neville]

Ha' I can imagine the nightmare... always a pleasure tho when I visit your pages here......Neville

[Cherrie]

Powerful use of this format

[Einstein Noodle]

it was no easy breezy Cherrie :} i can't tell you how many re-writes i went through and still am not 100% certain i got it right ... thanks so much for reading and reviewing ..i really appreciate it
E.

[Cherrie]

I get it, it is very hard to be happy with a set gh low like this one, but you hit it dead-on.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Cherrie :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

You certainly nailed the form but with another amazing slice of history served up raw. Kudos!

[Einstein Noodle]

John...this form was so confusing to me..i was sure my dementia was triggering ;} ..it was worked and worked and re-worked .. and i am still not sure about it ... so thank you for commenting on this form ... and especially for taking time to visit and read ..top o' the mahrnin' to ya!
E.

[Paul Bell]

Great write Einstein.
Those words from parents must have left haunting memories. Sad that even today, those same words are spoken in many languages to children.

[Einstein Noodle]

yes indeed, Paul .. our children do leave at some point in time .. and if heritage is not taught it is surely lost ... we all have much to be proud of as well as ashamed of in past human histories ... thank you very much for reading and leaving your thoughts ..best of the day to ya!
E.