CHAPTER SEVEN

 

CHAPTER SEVEN: FALLING TO DESIRE

           

            The walls were blacker than any clean night sky and it only made my situation scarier. I was trapped in a box, ramming into every wall and hoping that I just might teleport to the other side or faze through it like a ghost. An overwhelming nausea bit me and urged me to get away from here but I couldn’t and I didn’t know why I felt that way. It was growing cold, my fingers thick as bricks as they stumbled along the walls and floor. Luckily, it was quiet except the sounds of my steep breathing, thundering heart, and grazing hands. I was alone and that was safe. But I still had an urgency to escape. Then the box burst into light.

“AHH!” I yelled, covering my eyes in blindness and falling against the wall. A sharp pain scurried across my scalp when my head made contact with the wall.

“Samantha” I looked up to a familiar voice, screaming when I saw the face. Her wavy locks were like great waterfalls of chocolate running down, past her shoulders and fluffed around her slender pale face. Little wisps of bangs hardly ran over her large, dark eyes. They were lively but dragged down by dark bags beneath her eyes. Her body was too slender—and covered in blood. A gash was slit across one of her small, delicate wrists and was pouring buckets of blood on the white floor. The blood was bright and brought tears into my eyes, suffocating on the sight of her.

“Why? Why did you do that to yourself?” I screamed, scrambling up when my heart was sinking from the weight of the blood. I ran toward her, extending my arms so I could hold her and maybe bring her back with me; make her well again. But I didn’t fore I ran through her, like running through a heavy mists. I whipped around, she was still standing there. The tips of her silky hair were caked with dried blood just like her ripped jeans and striped tank top. Her eyes became vacant, staring into space around my head. Tears couldn’t wash away the blood, sew up the gash, or change how much I hurt. I stood quietly in front of her, hoping I would snag her attention. “Why? We could have made it. I miss you” I sobbed while she continued staring at the wall behind me. “I love you” her eyes darted towards me, a soft smile curled her peach, plump lips and then she began to disappear. Slowly like pouring rain to a light drizzle.
”NO! DON’T GO! PLEASE” I screamed as I tried to grab her fading body. She still had the small smile but returned to staring into space. “NO! PLEASE!” she was gone.

“HA!” my shoulders were clenched by something bony like twigs in a leather glove. I was shoved to face Shadow Eater. He stared triumphantly at me as he clicked his eyes with a fiendish smile still grappling onto his gloating. “I took her away and I’ll take them away too” There was nothing I could say. I couldn’t even ask who “them” was. My body trembled and fell to knees, my head poked up to see Shadow Eater lowering on top of…

“Samantha! Wake up! IAN GET OVER HERE!” I woke up to a blistered throat and a soaked face. The dream was still fresh in my head and I couldn’t stop sobbing. My body ached from an acidic fear that was eating away my awareness of reality. If I had a place to go, I would run but I could see the darkness left me few options. A pillow was clenched in my fists and my feet dug into the mattress. There was someone screaming— “IAN! Sam, what’s wrong” a hand came to my shoulder that did less than soothe my jumpy nerves. I tumbled off the bed, banging my head against the bedside table. It was hard to see with a mask of tears over my eyes in a pitch black room. I could still here the screaming and I began to feel out of breath along with my throat feeling as though I had shoved a curling iron through my mouth.  “Are you okay?” a beam of light shot through the room, scrunching my thick eyes to escape the light. This was unending pandemonium and all I could do to escape it was bury myself in my arms in legs. My head felt hollow from hitting my head and I felt I was going to pass out any seconds. I tried to forget the dream but it was still thickly coated onto my eyes that the tears couldn’t wash away. Run.

“Sammy” the voice was gentle and caressed my senses. “Sam” I poked my head out from beneath my folded arms and looked to find Ian’s shadow painted figure stooping in front of me. He hovered in front of me, keeping a safe distance away, and waited. Tears sloshed across my face as I gasped for air, my head swooning from lack of oxygen. “Calm down”

“I saw Emily” he was motionless then dipped onto his knees and cradled me into his arms; he understood. His thin shirt caught my tears while his caring back rub and silence pulled the fear and grief out of me. I cried harder in his neck, his arms constricting me against his chest. I felt so open in front of Ian.

“Everything is all right” he crooned in my ear, pulling me away to where my face was less than inches away from his. It had been easy to forget our argument earlier and our separation because Ian glazed his lips over mine, holding my face so I couldn’t shirk away. My insides were flashing in  an array of fireworks and the heat began to build up until it was pressing at my skin. What were we doing?

            He pulled away, sensing my hesitance. The dream had cooled down and now all was calm, for now. My heart was still thumping to hold my sister and cower from Shadow Eater. I wouldn’t tell Ian about him. “Are you alright?”

“Yes” I sighed in hiccups, Ian giving a friendly chuckle and pushing my hair out of my face. “It was just a nightmare?”

“But you saw Emily” I flinched, tears welling in my eyes. Looking away from his eyes, wherever they were under the dim light, and staring into my invisible lap. I bobbed as I tried to silence my crying outbursts with my clamped lips.

“She looked the same way when she died” I wept, the real images flashed in my head. “We have to go now! Ryan, go get in the car with Ian” Ryan nodded, grabbing his bags and heading out the door where Ian was waiting in the van to take us to his house. My limbs felt numb as I slung my arms through my backpack loops, taking one final glance to the backyard with freshly dug dirt piled unevenly in the rotting garden. I looked away before I could resurrect the pain. “EMILY!” I yelled from the foot of the stairs, waiting for her usual, moody reply. No reply, no hurried scuttle for things, or thundering steps down the stairs. There was nothing but the eerie silence of an empty house and need to hurry. “EMILY! LET’S GO! IT’S NOT SAFE! COME ON!” nothing again. There was no movement upstairs and it was easy to conclude that because the house creaked and moaned more than an old person. My heart skipped a few beats. If it hadn’t been for the circumstances, that being an unknown species was kidnapping and killing humans, I would have overlooked the silence and continued yelling up the stairs with impatience. The stairs whined as I lumbered up them, my body was still sore from digging… “Emily?” I called, peeking into her vacant room. Her suitcase lay on her bed, open and empty. “Oh no” I searched everywhere in her room, when I didn’t find her I tore through the rest of the rooms. “Emily!” my lips were quivering, running my fingers through my hair to smooth out my jagged thoughts. She was no where upstairs and I knew she wasn’t downstairs. The bathroom was closed, a light squeezing through the top and bottom. With puckered lips, I rammed the door with my fist.

“Emily! Let’s go” no reply. I tried the doorknob but it was locked. I ignored the panic fluttering in my stomach, telling myself there was no reason to be worried or tense. I gave the door another knock and jiggled the doorknob. “Emily?” the muscles in my chest tensed, backing up into her room that was across the bathroom. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to open the bathroom. What if she was just trying to pee and I knocked down the door? She would be in a harangue of anger. But what if she wasn’t? “Emily! You better answer or I’m going to knock down the door” no answer. I clenched my jaw, running towards the door and slamming into it with my shoulder. The door gave a crack but didn’t break the hinges or pop it out of the lock. I did a few slams until it finally clicked opened just slightly. A bath of fuzzy light crammed through the gap and softened my tension…only for a second. “Emily?”

I pushed the door… My scream could have shattered the walls and made the world collapse. Before I could feel what had hit me or make sense of what lay before me, I was slammed into Ian, his hand shoving my head away from the gruesome scene. It was too late, I had seen it.; Emily, my sixteen year old younger sister, was haggardly resting in the bath tub, a twig thin arm pale as ice was draped over the edge as graceful and limber as a leafless branch. A trail of rich blood engulfed her wrist and lay in a large pool of sickening red. Her coal eyes stared blankly at the ceiling as if in a sleepy trance with a cold kiss still lingering on the spacious orbs. She was dead…

“Sam, baby” my head was being stroked while I was leaning on his shoulder with a warm arm, cozily, across my ribs. I must have done that while remembering—“That was a long time ago. Don’t think about it”

“How can I? She was my sister” I sobbed in his chest, hoping he could fix the past or bring her back. He was silent, rubbing my side in affection “I miss her”

“I know” he gave me a squeeze then squirmed against me. “Come with me” like a dog who obeys its master, I followed. He got up with my hand securely in his and my heart transfixed on him. My head was still nauseated and all I wanted to do was forget and sleep or maybe run into the sea of trees and get lost among the shrubs and massive tree trunks instead of in my thoughts.

“Is she alright?” asked a startled Nick, huddled in the doorway as we approached from the dank room. He must’ve been the one who had woken me up. He watched me with a fragile glance, seeming to be measuring my every movement with concern.

“She’s fine. Go back to bed” If Ian’s arm hadn’t been tightly secure around my shoulders, I would have collapsed from wobbly knees and a terrorizing dream. A queasy stomach couldn’t distract me from haunting memories and neither could the kiss Ian gave me moments ago.

            The light was a punch to the face, closing my eyes for a second before Ian lead me down the hall past a few doors then carried me into another room. It was dim except the fuzzy orb of light shading Margaret. She sat in a mass of purple blankets with a face paralyzed by exhaustion. She looked different, possibly from not wearing makeup.

“Is everything alright?” she squeaked, directing her attention to Ian who was pulling me to another door; the bathroom.

“Yes go back to sleep, Marge. I’ll be right there in a sec” the fact that they were sleeping together couldn’t bother me at the moment—even though I wished it had. One pain to lessen the other.

            I was walked into the spotless bathroom to stare into a mirror wall.

“Take you time and just clean yourself up… You know, splash some water on your face” I nodded, looking away from the mirror. He closed it slowly, leaving me to my own disposal.

            My breath was still stuttering and my force against tears weakened. Cupping my face, I bawled until I had the, unmistakable, urge to vomit. Luckily I found the toilet before I puked over an entire counter of beauty products and cosmetics. The taste of bile cleared my head and flushed the pain. Fresh water lessened the tears as I rinsed my mouth and splashed my face in the sink. I sighed heavily, staring into the mirror to my slimy face. My eyes drooped, my jaw look glued shut and it looked like a glaze had hardened over my face. I moaned, closing my eyes to grieve and think in an endless pit of radiating light. It was better than staring at my stupid, sulky face or the scattered lip stick tubes.

            I just wanted to sleep but I was afraid to return to a vulnerable place. Dreaming had been my escape and had now, easily, became what I was escaping from. It was silly and highly improbable that I would have the dream again or another sickly one. But my nerves were kicking and all I could think about was Emily—I searched the medicine cabinet, stumbling upon a bottle of cold medicine. I had never used drugs to induce sleeping or any other side effect. I didn’t care about the risks or if it was morally wrong; I just wanted to escape. I ripped the unopened seal off with vicious, prying fingers. I took a gulp of strong, grape medicine. Taking another swing couldn’t possibly hurt, right?

“Sammy?” I choked on my second gulp, coughing as I scrambled to screw the cap on and throw the bottle back into the cabinet. I panicked when I saw a purple stain, from when I was startled, on my gown. “Sam?”

“Yes?” I opened the door, licking the medicine residue off my teeth under my clamped lips. Ian was playing a worried, concerned role for me. He pitied me and that was why he accepted to take care of me and had kissed me. I should have felt grateful when I felt so low and pestering.

“You okay? Were you sick?” My eyes averted from meeting his addicting glance.

“No, I’m fine now” it was embarrassing enough that I had been screaming in my sleep and had disturbed everyone. I didn’t feel up to mortifying myself again by telling him I had puked in his toilet because of a nightmare. “I’m okay” I felt I wasn’t just lying to Ian when I said this but also to myself.

“Are you sure?” I nodded, ducking under his arm and trying to bolt to the hall.

“Wait” he had me at his hip before I reached the doorway. I slumped against him, feeling oozy already.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yup” I nodded with my flapping eyelids. The walls were spinning as we walked to my bedroom.

“Do you need to talk or—“

“I’m good, thank you” I hiccupped, gripping my doorway and shrugging away Ian’s helpful arm. “I can take care of myself” I tried to focus on the real Ian instead of the four hazy Ian’s spiraling wildly at every movement he made. Through my drowsiness and the great chaos the four Ian’s were causing, I could see Ian was unappeased, holding me with an unsatisfied glance. “Good night. I’m sorry for waking up everyone and—“ I gave a deep hiccup, my side hurting “our fight earlier… I’m sorry” I slammed the door in his face to open a door of darkness. My bed could have been strapped with lines of Christmas lights and I would’ve never found it. I stumbled blindly through the room before I tripped into a cushiony spot. It felt like the sofa I saw earlier. The cushions were squishy and cradled my body. I wonder if it was the cold medicine or my eagerness to sleep that helped me doze into a deep slumber.

            I woke up, half expecting Ian to be sleeping beside me to “fend off” any fiendish nightmares. My head pounded aggressively as though punishing me for my overdose. The sound of my stomach gurgling was enough motivation to get me up. My room was bright from the open curtains, taking a long glimpse at the motionless trees and blue sky. The lucid nightmare threatened perk from its den that had been closed from sleep. I forgot about my hunger and felt more hurried to ease my desire to get outdoors.

            I, silently, slipped through my door. With my “condition” and Ian’s stubborn oath to protect me, there was no way I would be going outside without commotion unless I kept my stealth and sneaked out, quietly. I paused in the hallway, waiting for the sound of movement or Ian’s enraged voice. A note was tapped to my door in crude writing: We’ll be back soon. Don’t do anything stupid –Ian . I frowned, crumpling the note and chucking it down the hall. Then, I sauntered to Ian’s room, furtively slithering in. I kept my eyes away from the bed, focusing on the dresser. I pulled out the middle drawer, running my hands through his clothing before finding a ragged jacket. I felt guilty for taking his clothes but felt it necessary if I was going out. A strange, new girl walking around in a hospital gown didn’t go undetected.

            Going down the stairs made my legs burn, furiously. I grabbed the hand rail so I wouldn’t clumsily fall. All was silent and a morning stupor tinkled through the windows and lazily laid on the furniture. I grabbed a pair hiking boots that were lying near the door before I stepped out. They were huge on my tiny feet but I needed something.

“Yuck” I scrunched my eyes from the blistering heat as I stepped through the door, stripping my jacket and throwing it on the bear. It would be stranger to wear a black jacket in one hundred degree weather than a hospital gown. My pale skin shined in the intensity of the light, squinting as I tried to spot the Sun in the giant sky. My feet sloshed in the shoes as I thundered down the steps, my body feeling awkward as I moved past the driveway and retreated into the field of trees where I had seen Nick disappear through, yesterday. The ground hardly made a sound as I trudged across it, only kicking up loose dirt and snagging struggling sprouts of grass and shrubs. Surprisingly, my thoughts were muted and intertwined with the breeze that was like a hot breath on my face. Trees loitered without any chatter of their pine needles or whining of tree branches. They sat quietly, pulling me deeper and deeper into no where, the house beginning to disappear behind me. I searched between the tree trunks for any signs of the lake, beginning to wonder if I was going the wrong direction. Unfortunately, it was too late to turn back and look for a map or wait for Ian and see if he would take me. A pair of squirrels scurried away at me approach, climbing a tree and peering at me with terrified eyes. I sighed, watching them creep farther away from me as I got closer.

            I must’ve been wondering for a half hour before I passed through dispersed trees to a road, and on the other side was a steep slope to the shore of the lake. It glistened like a blanket of diamonds and was a rich blue that was darker than any ocean I had ever seen. The road was charred to a crisp black and winded sharply behind a giant boulder. I dashed across and began my descent down to the lake. The slope was covered with rocks bigger than me with trees jutting out of the crevices. My shoes had no traction on the smooth stones and my fingers were too nimble to hold on to any groove in the rock but I continued climbing down. My breathing got louder as the slope got steeper, grabbing a nearby branch when I leaped onto a lower rock and nearly tumbled over it. The cracking of my bones made me realize how stupid it had been to take on the hill. I imagined what it would look like to see my scrawny body tattered, dripping and trashed with blood and bruises, jammed between a rock and tree or draped over a large boulder with my lids folded up and staring blankly to the lake. Ian would be upset but wouldn’t he overlook it? He had lost me before.

            Flat ground caught my final leap and clumsy fall, my head missing a thick tree trunk by an inch. Dirt puffed into my face, rubbing my eyes to remove the dirt. My knees stung and my hospital gown was partially ripped from rubbing against a tree but that didn’t matter. The lake was sitting only steps away. It winked back at me and wallowed motionless at the shrubby shore. I kicked off my boots and dipped into it. The water was a grotesque cold but the heat was more appalling so I gladly stepped deeper into the lake. My feet skidded over sharp rocks and the water made my legs ache but the cold and the beautiful day was all mesmerizing. I had walked to my hip before I took a misstep, unable to touch the bottom ahead and falling underneath the surface. My fevered face felt paralyzed dunking into a sea of ice as well did my torso. My gown swirled in the weightless atmosphere with my eyes wide open and looking into a wavy canopy of blackness with white fusing through the top. It felt good being under, floating in a world where time was endless and company was just a useless accessory. My lungs felt they would explode and my limbs were trying to buoy to the top but I anchored myself to the spot, feeling blissful at the standstill. I let my breath go, watching an eruption of bubbles float to the twinkling top. I was about to push myself farther down when an arm strangled my waist, forcing me up. Thrashing was not a powerful or successful defense. I bobbed to the top with the light blinding. Had I been so careless not to notice how long I had been under? I panted for air, feeling the first five gasps weren’t enough. The arm was still, tightly, wrapped around my waist, twisting my neck to see who had pulled me up.

“Nick! What the hell” I scowled, feeling agitated that he had forced me up even though he might had just saved my life. His hair clung to his scalp and his eye slanted at my tone.

“What the hell? What the hell! What the hell yourself! What are you doing? I just freaking’ saved you”

“I didn’t need saving” I huffed, my teeth beginning to chatter with the breeze clinging to my sticky face. I hoped my scowl and frown were intimidating because I was aching to hug and talk to him. “How did you know I was here? Did Ian tell you to keep an eye on me?”

“No. Did Ian tell you to keep an eye on me? I always come here”

“Oh” he rolled his eyes, letting me go and swimming to the shore. I followed curiously, finding this moment too good to bypass.

            My feet cringed on the lake bottom having forgotten the cuts I had already received coming in. The hospital gown had gone translucent and sucked on every surface of my body; every curve was outlined by the soaked material. My folded arms couldn’t hide everything but did well over my chest.

“Here” Nick thrust a sweatshirt at me as I walked up the shore.

“Thanks” I didn’t bother refusing and I slipped it over my head with little hesitation.

“I hope Ian grabs you some clothes while he’s out” mumbled Nick as I squeezed the water out of my hair and gown. “It’s ridiculous enough they didn’t bother to wake you up for dinner last night” I frowned, looking at Nick confused.

“They’re not my parents. I can take care of myself”

“Yeah, look how far that has taken you”

“I can take care of myself” I retorted, taking a seat on a nearby rock, pulling my legs to my chest and folding my arms against my ribs. “Where did Ian go, anyways?” Nick flicked his hair back and sat next to me. He gave a chuckle, extending his arms to the sky for a stretch.

“How should I know? Marge just woke me up this morning and told me to stay out of trouble while they were out” he shrugged, rolling his shirt over his head and slapping it against a nearby rock. “What are you staring at?” his emaciated body, paler then paper, started a fuse on my anxiety. He looked so ill and fragile that it made my stomach turn.

“Oh, nothing” my cheeks flushed, staring to the lake. It’s surface was still shimmering in the high Sun, realizing my face was already dry. The tree became flustered when a gust rammed into it, a single pine needle falling onto my knee. It flew away with one breath, toppling over the side of my knee and fluttering to the ground.

“Why are you here?” I shrugged, taking my eyes away from the pine needle and moving to the other side of the lake. “Ian is going to kill you if he comes home and your gone. I think he left a note on your door”

“I didn’t see any note” I pressed my chin to my knees so I could hide my grin.

“Well…he’s still going to be pissed. I should take you home”

“No! Come on. There’s no harm in me being here, right?”

“Well you just did try to drown yourself”

“I wasn’t drowning”

“Doesn’t matter ‘cause your word is not going to have any affect on Ian. He’ll believe me. I already have a good story” he cleared his throat as I peered at him with a scolding grimace, hoping he couldn’t hear my panicking heart. He slid on the rock so he could lean on it, tucking his arms behind his head as he closed his eyes in reminisce. I knew he was being sarcastic but I didn’t find it amusing and waited patiently for his lecture while I came up with good comebacks. “I had just woken up when Sam was going crazy. She said she wanted to go out. I begged her not to go because I knew she was weak and had no protection against any of the evil doers out in the real world. She said she didn’t care and ran out anyways. I followed her. She ended in a dead end. All she had was the lake. I calmly talked to her but she was too crazy to care and ran into the water and nearly drowned. If it hadn’t been for me, she would be dead. The end”

“Oh please” I wasn’t a smooth talker so I wondered how this would turnout. “I could just give Ian a goody-to look and he’ll forget it” he tipped his head so he could get a good glance, his eyes pondering what I had just said.

“Yeah, but you’re notorious for trying to cover the truth when you’re hurt” I gaped, uncoiling my legs, flustered.

“How would you know?”

“I’ve heard enough stories plus last night’s display. No offense” he crossed his arms, casual and confident as if he had already decoded my entire life, self, and future.

“I don’t mask anything and I’m never hurt” he raised an eyebrow, rolling onto his stomach and placing his elbows on the rock. His eyes were like two giant saucers begging to be filled and challenged me to speak. “Don’t give me that look”

“Really? Last night you were screaming and crying.”

“Just a stupid nightmare”

“I think it was more than that” he had an amused smile because he knew he had me cornered. “You kept saying some chick’s name and then you started yelling ‘Shadow Eater!’, whatever that’s supposed to mean. Sounds like a stupid name you would hear on Star Wars or something” my teeth gritted at his name, Nick’s company keeping me from fear or running frantically. “Oh and don’t pretend like Ian and Margaret being together doesn’t bother you” my heart felt stabbed, recoiling back into the jarring cave of pain and desire. I pretended as though his comments had little effect even though they tore and stung me, especially since they were coming from Nick.

“Are you kidding me?” I wasn’t a very good actress, finding my casual, annoyed tone overly done and I worried if Nick saw through it like he had through me. But I wasn’t about to give up so I continued my role playing, sliding down the rock beside Nick and crossing my legs into the shade. “That was a nightmare. I was messing with you guys. Didn’t Ian tell you was the jokester? I’m good, huh? And Ian and Margaret” I flipped my hand into a line “I haven’t seen Ian for seven years. Do you still think I have feelings for him? I’m happy he found somebody” the last part was true, at least that was what I told myself or artificially made myself feel. Nick was puzzled and I took great pride and knowing he had fallen for it and now had to analyze everything I had just said. His scowl was adorable, just the same as when he was a little kid when a word frustrated him or he couldn’t reach something on a counter. I was glad to see some of the old Nick in this older, depressed Nick.

“You forgot about Ian… and me?” he seemed betrayed, feeling horrible for implying that in my last answer.

“No, I love you both” he nodded, not pleased with my contradicting answer but he left my reply undisturbed, staring across the lake like I had moments ago. We sat, motionless with nothing to talk about even though it was obvious we were both teeming with questions and things we desperately had to say like how much I had missed him. My hair felt crusty against my neck, scratching it away and dreaming of a day when my hair would flow past my shoulders and when my neck would be thicker than a tooth pick.

“You weren’t on the Catalina Island base, were you?” it startled me to hear him talk again, taking an awkward amount of time to answer him.

“Of course I was” Ian had lied to him in the first place for a reason and I had no right to disrupt that. Nick shook his head, moving to the shade where my feet were, staring at me with meticulous eyes. “What did Ian tell you, happened to me?”

“You should be able to tell me. After all, it happened to you” he hadn’t lost at all. He had revived and was fighting back in fire. I gaped. First, I hadn’t any clue there were any other places with humans. Second, I had not clue what the Catalina Island Base did, plus I had never been there. All I knew was that it was and island and had buffalo.

“Umm—“

“Make sure you fill me in with all the details” I was thrown-off by his aggressive yet settle manner, finding myself sweating and rubbing my wrists under his interrogating eyes that were like a spot light on my face and every word.

“Okay. Where do you want me to begin?”

“Anywhere is good” he brought his knees to his chest, resting his head on his knee caps in an eager position like a child ready to hear a good story.

“Well, there’s a lot of buffalo there” I started, rushing through memories of school. Wondering if we had ever even stumbled across Catalina Islands. “And it’s really pretty and the people are nice”

“Did you make friends?”

“Not really. I was too busy”

“Doing what?”

“Uhh—fishing?” I was plummeting into Nick’s eyes “Nothing really went on. It was just the same old thing. We should really get back”

“You weren’t on the base”

“How would you know?” my voice came in a squeak, my casual posture now in a cowering position with my arms hugging my torso like a straight jacket. My legs were twitching. Not only had I blown Ian’s cover up, I would have to talk about the seven years I had spent.

“’Cause when they found your car, they didn’t find any luggage. You would have plenty if you were on that base for seven years. Second, you got out of the car when you would have been confident enough to wait for help” My throat constricted, I had underestimated his cunning intelligence “Third, you are skinny as hell. You would have been fed…”

“That’s stupid. You’re skinny”

“It’s different. I’m a teenager and I got issues” he frowned for a moment, looking at his soaking shoes peeking from beneath his folded legs. “Okay where was I… Oh yeah. You have a bunch of scars and you act funny”

“Hey!”

“Sorry” he shrugged “It’s true. Anyways, you don’t talk to Ian and you’re having weirdo dreams. And right from the very beginning. How did you get there? It was the middle of the night and you and Ian were on a raid. And we discovered the base only two years ago.” He paused for the last time, out of breath from his explanation.

“Thanks Sherlock but who really cares where I’ve been?”

“I do” he said sourly, scrunching his face and pulling it behind his knees. He didn’t utter any sound, quieter than the lake that lapped the shore and lethargically bathed in the summer sun. It was difficult concentrating on the way the light glinted off the surface or how the trees whistled and the rocks shined brightly while Nick was crunched together and mourning for his past and problems with no solution. The way he cradled his head on his knees, how his bony back arched as if under an immense load and his hands clenched within their interlock, the bones narrow beneath the skin that was so thin that the blue veins, a thin line of life, pressed softly against the skin like a faint scar, was an lamentation of a flickering candle down to the last end of the wick. He was beyond his years and it was slowly decaying him from the inside, out. It didn’t matter if he realized it now or later, he was breaking down right in front of me and it might have been too late to repair him.

“Why? Where do you think I’ve been?” it was frustrating, watching his sleeping eyes lift up with an unsettling glow. Maybe I was trying too hard to translate him. Maybe I was trying to even out the playing field Nick had dominated a few minutes ago.

“I don’t know” he shrugged, kneading his forehead with his knuckles.

“Well then, why do you want to know so badly? Think of it this way, Ian’s trying to protect you.” He wrinkled his nose, rolling onto his back and throwing his arms across his eyes to shun the brilliant sunlight.

“I don’t need to be protected. I’m not a kid” I laughed “Well I’m not. I’m almost fifteen”

“Not really. Like in seven months” he paused, lifting of the ground, rubbing his hair out of his eyes.

“You remember my birthday?”

“Of course” he narrowed his eyes, a bit amused and unsteady. Yet he seemed flattered and returned to his resting place beside me. “It’s March eleventh”

“Damn, you’re good. Excuse my French” he muttered, shifting on the rock to find a comfortable spot which I doubted he would find against a lumpy, hard boulder. A lungful breeze swept through once more, a few fresh pine needles falling onto Nick’s pants legs.

“Why do you wear black all the time? Are you supposed to be impersonating Darth Vader or the Grim Riper?” he crossed his arms, getting ready to respond with a long, knowing glance.

“I like black” at that, he breached from his glance, looking at his lap and flicking the few pine needles off of his black jeans.

“Okay. But you used to like blue and green” he laughed, digging his knuckles into his thigh and rubbing it up and down. “What did you do to your hair? It used to be curly” cautiously, I rumpled up his hair, feeling rough like a dog’s. He didn’t flinch away or swat my hand; he just continued staring at his lap, closing his eyes with his lips firmly pressed into a thin line. Did he remember how I did this, seven years ago in the back of my van when he couldn’t sleep and the fear and screams outside were stronger than our strength and security? 

“Tell me about life here” I murmured, giving a finally stroke on his head and returning my hand back to my lap. Hopefully I would lighten his mood and find out a little more about the raids. It took him a brief moment to grasp what I had just said, he still seemed like he was in a trance;  his eyes peacefully closed, his hands folded in his lap, and his lips released.

“Well” he opened eyes slowly and gently like a waking flower “it’s no different than life used to be. At least to what I remembered. We have schools, shops, restaurants, and so on and so on. Except no money so everything is free but you collect vouchers so you can’t go overboard”

“Tell me about the system” he knew what I meant and brightened up at the fact I had asked him.

“Well, as you might know. We have about three thousand to four thousand people. We split this amount of people into groups by where they live. Like cities within a city when you think about it. Then we have leaders and jobs for the ‘small cities’.”

“Leaders as in Tanya, Shaun, and Frank?”

“Yeah but we have more within ours. It’s kind of like Congress when all the cities get together. As for the jobs” he paused, the way he held is lips in mid-sentence told me he was trying to manipulate the next words carefully as if hiding something or protecting me or possibly, staying true to a promise with Ian.

“What jobs?”

“Uhh—well. First you have to be at least eighteen for the city jobs. There’s agriculture, which if you had really went to the Catalina Island Base, you would know all about that. We have constant contact with them and use some of the farms up north. I guess the things don’t pass by open spaces like that. It’s hard to transport ‘cause you have to go through crowded cities and it’s a long distance. Some farms are all the way by Solvang and Monterey. But the people on the farms have no difficulties. They find secret routes and only make about five to ten trips every year. Depending on what they grow. I heard its boring work though so I don’t think I’m going to do that” he muttered.

“What else”

“The usual, waste management, firefighting, services, raids, medical…”

“Raids! What do you do on those?” he smiled, wiggling his toes and bending flexing his legs.

“They’re the most exhilarating, dangerous, coolest job ever! Ian signed up for that. We go down to the cities at night and take stuff. It’s easy, just depends what spot. They collect anything. Food, clothing, cool gadgets. Whatever we need, we get. Ian won’t let me sign up for it. He says it’s too dangerous. He swore he once saw an alien across from him. Ian hid in a closet for four hours, waiting for it to go away. Then, you saw the scar he got, right?  He got that from jumping onto one of those shelves things at grocery stores to cause a bunch of nose to confuse an alien.”

“Cool” the danger, the thrill, the life and death situations; they were too appealing to ignore. Something inside of me wanted this, this high adrenaline rush that could easily, mistakably, lead me to death or save my life. The thought of possibly confronting an alien should have terrified me and smothered any desire of these expeditions but it only heightened the idea and thrill. The idea of getting mauled or never returning home didn’t even make a slight, daunting impression on me. I couldn’t deny my startling addiction for the precarious situations but I wondered how and why I felt so. “Where can I sign up?”

“I don’t know if you should. Ian said that would be bad” my teeth gritted harshly, grabbing a handful of dirt to steady my frustration and hatred for Ian’s ignorance.

“What Ian doesn’t know won’t hurt” Nick laughed nervously, grabbing his nearly dried t-shirt and slipping it over his head.

“He’ll know considering he’s part of the group” I shrugged.

“He can’t do anything about it. Besides, don’t you want to piss him off” it wasn’t a responsible or appropriate thing to say but the ravishing thirst was impatiently growing within me just as my eagerness to run and hide like last night and stay beneath the cool water ‘til I drowned like this morning. A mix of emotions swirled and competed on Nick’s face. I knew he would favor my side, especially when he didn’t know anything about my past and had been unfairly treated by Ian, who had watched him be mistreated by Margaret. Exploiting wasn’t what I would say I was doing to Nick; I loved Nick but this urge to fight and threaten myself was too empowering and there was nothing that could stop it.

“Hell ya. What does Ian know, anyways? ” I laughed at the rebellious flare roaring on his face. I couldn’t smart from this when it was better than the emotionless chill that emaciated his face an hour ago. He got up, pushing the hair in front of his face and offering me a helping hand to get up. Ignoring it, I was too prideful to accept anymore help and was too excited to see energy in Nick. “Let’s go get you signed up”

“Sounds good to me” we began climbing up the hill like maniacs, wanting to outdo the other. I nearly slipped because in the breeze, I heard a whisper in the nagging tone of my sister. “Don’t”

Author's Note

Please ignore grammar problems. I know they're there and have countless times looked over and edited my work but still can't fix every single one. I would appreciate comments (good or bad) and would love ideas since I'm constantly on writer's block.

SONG OF THE CHAPTER:"Paper Cuts"- Nirvana

Reviews

[Ben]

Goodness, great job! I love it!