CHAPTER SIX

 

CHAPTER SIX:  BOUNDARIES

 

            The hospital halls were just as dull and insipid as the room I had laid in for two weeks. Today I was being released and as much as I wanted to be happy, it could not be evoked because of the vicious butterflies gnawing and ramming in my stomach. The nurse, Eriana, had forced me into this stupid wheel chair and had insisted she push me around. The seat was waxy and I sunk deep into its loose material as my bare thighs burned from rubbing against it. Hopefully Ian would come with clothes to replace my phantom attire; a thin and pale hospital gown that made anyone seem on the brink of dying.

            It was nice to see the lobby. It was so much flavorful and lively than the rest of the hospital. The walls were a nice coffee flavor with loitering framed art of trees and weird smudges. A vase of fake flowers sat on every surface along with a dusty stack of old magazines. Among the mass of the ugliest and stiffest chairs sat Margaret and Ian. Ian waved enthusiastically with a warm smile that had enough heat to set my heart ablaze but at the sight of Margaret’s hand in his only lay an aching frost that devoured even the smallest ember. Eriana wheeled me over to them, looking down in my lap as if could expunge this damper situation.

“Hey Sammy” I couldn’t help but laugh at my childish nickname, looking up at the face who said it.

“Hi” I said my voice dryer then the fake flowers that lay limp next to my arm. Ian’s face was so innocent starring back at me with a gamut of beauty, dull confusion, and an entreating longing. It was too frustrating and painful to look at him and I didn’t bother to translate the meaning in his eyes.

“Are you ready to come home?” chirped Margaret, watching her give a squirm against Ian’s body as she said this. Her smile was sincere yet her flawless eyes were glazed in uneasiness.

“Home?” the word stirred my thoughts.

“Yes” Ian extended his hand to stroke my cheek but I cowered away from what should’ve been a sweet caress to cherish.

“But before you go, we need to clear some things up first. Can I talk to you Ian over here” Eriana ushered Margaret and Ian to the front desk. I watched them, hardly noticing the boy that had been hiding behind them. His black hood draped over his slender, pale face. Bony hands were enveloped in his small lap around a box of raisins. The black attire just dampened my mood along with the sight of the scrawny teenager wallowing in them. He sensed my stare, looking up at me with great saucers of gold that had lost its shine to exhaustion and depression. His eyes were worn by sleepless nights and the traces of a naïve and eager youth had been obliterated. Even though his face was that of a young, ageless teenage, it was framed to that of a tired, old man with lost purposes. I couldn’t put a name on this boy but I was sure I had met him before…somewhere. His thin lips pressed tightly together as he studied me, standing up so he could tower over me with his skinny limbs. He looked so fragile like a boy made out of tissue paper under a pail of water. It was uncomfortable to sit before him, wondering what he was going to do next just as he lowered his frigid torso so his numb eyes found mine. He swept the hood and his inky black hair out of his eyes, the movement of his hand startled me slightly but I kept my eyes locked on his. I could tell this boy was kind even though he returned my bond with a grave stare. His eyebrows frowned slightly, and then a soft smile blushed his lips. He grabbed my nose gently and pulled away with a laugh. I stared, horrified that this stranger had actually touched me and was now laughing at me.

“Who’s got your nosy now?” he laughed, a childish joy resurfaced his shallow cheeks and dry eyes. My insides tickled at the sight of his uproar of excitement and enjoyment with the astonished bile of his confrontation. Blankly I pondered the words, scanning through memories and dreams…

“NICK!” I laughed in shock at how much he had grown. How did I not recognize the cute, pudgy faced seven year old I known seven years ago? His eyes crinkled, he smiled hugely and revealed two rows of sparkling teeth. My heart oozed in warmth at our reunion. We had been so close; I always baby sat him with Ian, brought him to the park and watched his little kid shows, coached his soccer team, and did the occasional kiss on the booboo. He was like a little brother to me.

            My mother intuition lifted me off the wheel chair and made me squeeze Nick in a constricting hug. It surprised me that I wasn’t the one squishing and pulverizing Nick in this hug but  it was he who was the one pushing the breath out of my lungs and crushing my ribs. I hadn’t anticipated myself being this weak.

“You’re so big” I giggled, that sounded more like a cough with Nick hugging me so tightly. He chuckled.

“I’m stronger, too” his voice was deep, almost as much as Ian’s. I laughed then squealed when he spun with me still in his grasp.

“Hey! Knock it off! Can’t you see she’s hurt?” Ian thundered, feeling Nick’s arms being pried from my body. I was pushed back into the wheel chair, Nicks’ stance flashed into a defensive form. The normal, friendly glow disappeared beneath his now stolid face. “She was hit by a car.Don’t mess around her, she needs rest”

“I knew that” huffed Nick.

“He didn’t hurt me” I defended Nick, hating the look on his face. Ian looked too annoyed to hear what I had said and grabbed the handles to the wheel chair, pushing me through the sliding doors. I scowled as the doors shut behind us. We rolled into a primarily vacant parking lot.

“There’s electricity here? Where do you get it?”

“We have running water too. But it’s all limited. We have and make our own sources from up here” explained Ian with an omniscient air, wheeling me across the bumpy gravel with Margaret and Nick following closely behind. “We are really ‘go green’ up here” chuckled Ian. I listened faintly and watched the beautiful pine trees dancing in the cool August air. The sky was crisp and spotted with fluffed clouds and soaring birds.” We are constantly reusing things”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been wearing the same pair of underwear for the past five years” I laughed, Nick giving a few low chuckles at his own comment as well.

“Eww-“ whined Margaret, her hot pink heels made a tiny, hurried crunch as she struggled to keep up.

“Knock it off Nick” grunted Ian, quickening his pace.

“What? I was just joking” I looked into my lap to hide my smile at their brotherly fighting. My head bobbed at the dented ground of gravel. I nearly flew out of my seat when Ian made an abrupt stop, looking up to my old, green van.

“You kept it?” I squealed, running my fingers on the outdated green paint and thickly tinted windows. The car had been a vessel of troubles including breakdowns and drain on cash, a transporter to happy things and blissful moments, and a clandestine orb to hide, cry, love, and be secure in.

“Of course I did” Ian grinned, stooping beside the chair and resting a hand and chin on my arm. He gazed at me through his long eye lashes with an inching smile. His eyes shone like a pot full of shining gold coins with the sparkles dancing on the edge of his irises. With his every inhale, he stole mine. He was so close- “I knew how much you loved this car…kinda. There are a lot of memories in this car and besides, it has a lot of cargo room for heists” that snagged my attention.

“Heists? What kind of heists?” I liked the sound of it when the old part of me should have hated it. Ian’s face went rigid at my curiosity. His eyes roamed from the gold shine to cold rust, pulling his head and hand away.

“Nothing”

“That wasn’t ‘nothing’. Tell me about it! You guys go down and steal from the aliens” the gut retching thrill of stealing from right under the noses of the aliens and the possibility of being caught… excited me more than it should’ve. 

“No, no” he murmured in my ear as he lunged into me to slip an arm around my ribs. I squeaked when he lifted me out of the seat and pushed me on his shoulder, dangling down his back with my bare, ticklish feet pinned to his hip. His fingers ran down the soft back of my foot with a chuckle tended to end the subject of “heists”. I rocked on his muscular shoulder in squirming giggles which hurt with my empty stomach against his body. My bones cracked and ached at the arch of my body slung around his shoulder.

“Can we go now?” moaned Margaret through my fit of giggles.

“Yes, sorry” I choked down my giggles by shoving my face in his back. Ian’s body shifted under me, mechanically moving to the other side of the car. I went dizzy trying to see where Ian was going so I let my head swing, lifelessly, at his lower back until the sound of the scraping door sliding open and me being lowered into the car seat.

“It even has the same moldy smell!”

“It smelled like this before?” grunted Nick, climbing in after me as Ian and Margaret took the front.

“You don’t even know the half of it” replied Ian as he started up the engine and drove off. I rubbed the worn seats and looked out the dark windows as I lovingly listened to the abrasive hum of the car. I watched the hospital disappear behind a gate of tall trees and grew excited as we got farther away from it. The road was slim and bumpy but we were the only ones there and we had lovely scenery of fresh pines and colorful, jagged rocks. We passed by vacant old shops with wood carvings of perplexed bears standing in windows and outside doors on porches. In between the shops, I could see a glistening lake and the other side of the mountain. I wanted to go to the shore and dip my feet into the water to break the shimmering, clear surface but it seemed Ian had different plans and I would have plenty of time to do that later. So I enjoyed the rest of the ride, wherever the ride was going to.

            Nick was roaring in laughter as my cheeks were beaten red in embarrassment. The car had reached a stop in front of a large house.

“Did you see her jump when she saw the Harrison family?” he was swiveling in laughter and clutched his stomach as he tried to find the door handle through squinting eyes and tears of laughter. My chest was tight from the shock of seeing a family strolling through a small shopping center and then Nick’s sudden, obnoxious laughter.

“Leave her alone. She’s not used to seeing people” defended Ian. He peeked in the rear view mirror to check up on me.

“Why? I thought she was just on the Catalina Island base? Weren’t people there?” I had no clue what Nick was talking about but Ian seemed to because he kept his eye on me from the rear view mirror. Nick had stopped laughing and was now studying me with a meticulous eye.

“Stop asking questions Nick and get out of the car. We have to get her settled in before I have my meeting with the wedding planner” hissed Margaret, thus throwing whereabouts of me out of the discussion. He scowled, not quite satisfied with his open questions but he hid any vindictive plans of questions from me.

            The fresh air that rushed in after opening the door loosened my limbs and wiped away my burning cheeks. Nick clambered out of the car, jumping off the edge and doing a few aerial spins and nearly collided into an already angry Margaret who went into a squabble of flustered complaints and hisses. After seeing Margaret chastise Nick in shouts and rolling eyes, I thought it best not to mimic his aerial spin or get anywhere near her. I slid across the seats, ready to jump out when Ian blocked off the door in a crouched stance with a welcoming smile. My heart chugged sorely at seeing him so close in arms reach but all I could do was look down, angrily, at my lap.

“What?” he extended his hands toward me with a bigger smile.

“Come on”

“I can get around on my own” I snarled, rejecting the arms that were just as bad as a wheel chair. It was hard not to accept a freebie embrace but it meant avoiding false hopes and saving me from losing my dignity. My voice had been, shockingly, caustic and I looked up timidly to see if it had any effect on him. He was staring at me with a smirk; totally unfazed and with no intentions of letting me do anything on my own.

“You just got out of the hospital. I’m not letting you get out of the car on your own and I’m not going to let you out” I flared my nostrils, wondering if I had enough energy to tackle him. He must’ve read my mind because he began to chuckle and grabbed my shoulders and thrust me into his chest. My skin felt raw pressing against him as my heart churned like a locomotive heading, unknowingly, for nowhere. “Do you actually think you can beat me? Ha!” he mouth was on my ear, making every hair on my head prick up from an unsettling chill that had issued from his forbidden touch. He gave me a gentle squeeze, pulling me closer into him. “I not going to screw up this time. I’m going to take care of you”

“What? Wait—no” my voice was muffled in his chest and I was swooped into his arms. I clawed at his chest when he let me slip until the backs of my knees were locked on his arms. That amused him.

“Com’ on. Can we speed it up” whined Margaret, kicking up dirt as she paced.

“Why? So you can fix your makeup or go throw up your one hundred fifty calorie lunch” fired Nick, pulling his hood over his head that caste a long shadow on his face. Margaret’s face went from irritated to furious.

“Shut up. You better stay out of my way when the wedding planner shows up”

“Of course. I’m just another one of your stupid purses you throw out every month. Why would I want to be there anyways? I don’t want to be the tiebreaker between roses and uhh--- other flowers. I don’t even want to go to the wedding!”

“Who even said you were going?” spat back Margaret, folding her arms over her chest and marching up to us. She put a dainty hand on Ian’s cheek and swapped her face for a more angelic and serene one.

“Can you tell Nicholas to be nicer to me?” she lowered her voice to a whisper but uttered it forcefully so Nick could hear it too.

“Nicer to you? NEVER!” Nick bounded off, spinning around the car’s edge before ramming into it then disappeared through the dispersed trees that lined the driveway. Ian sighed, his arms and chest slacking and his expression undecided. Margaret had her hands on her hips, staring aggressively at Ian.

“See? This is what I was talking about? I can’t live with that thing any longer. Once we are married, he’s gone” hearing about the marriage chiseled at me and her abuse toward Nick angered me.

“What am I supposed to do? Dump him on the street?”

“No. Give him to one of his friends’ families. Or ask Tanya, she’ll know what to do” The thought of Tanya taking care of Nick scared me and my impression of Margaret began to evolve from a perfectionist angel to a spoiled brat. “Or you can stop babying him and find him a small cabin—“

“That’s enough. He’s my brother” it was a relief to hear Ian defending Nick.

“Well I’m your fiancée” she pouted and marched away up stone steps toward the gigantic, two story house. Ian, hesitantly, followed with dragging footsteps. I wish there was somewhere I could hide. This was all awkward and I couldn’t stand seeing Ian upset. His face went melancholy and he rested on my head when he noticed my worried glance.

“That’s a nice house” I whispered, hoping I could lighten the mood. Ian lifted his head, going back to his confident glow.

“Yes, thank you. It’s a bit big but we’ll fill it up in the future” Ian’s brow furrowed “Margaret wants a seven kids” he mumbled, swaying as he climbed the steps and headed towards the double wooden doors with glass panels fitted in the upper half of the doors. A small wooden bear, like the ones in front of the shops, sat at the edge of the door, clawing and gaping at the air. I giggled, Ian’s cheek bone pressing into my forehead from smiling.

“What are you laughing at?”

“The bear”

“That was a welcome present from Frank. It used to be his family business until…you know” I grimaced, taking my eyes away from the bear. He paused in front of the door, opening the door with a dip and quick grab for the doorknob. He stepped into a narrow hall, decorated with framed pictures and shelves with knick Knacks, expecting him to set me down.

“This is the hall way”

“I can see that”

“Oh…yeah” he stood in the doorway, rocking me back in forth by swinging his torso. He was careful not to twist my torso or crash my feet or head into a wall and rested his face against mine. He was thinking; whenever he hid his face from mine, he was thinking, and when he hid his face against me, he was thinking about me. I wanted to get away, I wanted to hide. This was too painful. I wiggled out of his arms.

“Whoa!” he lost his grip and I fell on hard, cold, wooden floors.

“Ugh” I landed on my side, hearing something crack and sharp pain shoot up my shoulder. I couldn’t breathe with the imaginary hands strangling my lungs. I scuttled up and ran down the hall wheezing, looking for somewhere to hide.

“Sam!” I squeaked through my clenched chest, Ian’s arms caved around my hip and yanked me into him “Are you okay? Why did you do that—“

“I’m fine, just let me go!” I coughed, trying to fight back tears and claw away Ian’s fingers.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing” But you messing with my head!

“You fell. I’m so sorry” he spun me around so I was unprepared to meet his loving glance. Remorse glazed over his eyes, pulled his brows to a scowls, and curved his lips into a thin line. “I’m sorry and I just told you I would take care of you. Are you okay? Tell me what hurts” I shook my head to disrupt the image of Ian and force him back from my poisoned heart that was still hanging on to a fallen promise.

“Nothing” he clutched my face, the fingers leaving a trace of warmth when they slid softly across my cheeks and when they stopped, they kindled a great fire that balled up under his palm. I was stuck and he knew it. His grim lips curled into a cajoling smile and told me to stay when I couldn’t.

“You fell pretty hard” he murmured, slinging me back into his arms and walking across the living room that was composed of a large, black leather couch and a simple coffee table with old fashion magazines scatter across the surface. There was no TV but there was an entertainment center crammed with electronics for stereo systems and CD players. It was a cozy area with the tan curtains pulled aside to reveal an open meadow with a few trees on the outskirts to serve as a fence and privacy between the property and the road. Large, elegant lamps sat like sentinels on tiny side tables that were all equipped with coasters that had a little snowy or spring cottage painted on them. Ian went past all of this, heading straight to a bulky staircase that seemed to unwind for miles until it reached the top floor. Margaret flew by us with a pair of black flats in her hands as she tried to push a pearl earring into her small lobe.
”Oh, Ian! Hurry up, the wedding planner is on his way”

“I think I’m going to hangout with Sam. You don’t really need me there, anyways” he hurried into a room before Margaret could complain and slammed the door shut behind him. It was extremely dim and all that could be distinguished amongst the dark bulges was the queen sized bed and a love sofa sitting adjacent to the covered windows on the back wall. The bed hugged my body as soon as I laid on it and the room became washed with a filmy, yellow light from the bedside lamp.

“This is your room” Ian plopped beside me on the bed, coiling an arm around my shoulders and pulling my body into the curve of his side. I craved to lay my head against his shoulder and drape an arm around his chest but I couldn’t satisfy those cravings and sat quietly and stiff as a board next to him. Be thankful he’s here.

“It’s nice. Thank you” his side rumbled as he gave a low chuckle.

“I’ve been putting it together while you were in the hospital. Why did you think I didn’t visit?” I shrugged, glad that my interpretation had been wrong. My interpretation being: he didn’t give a damn about me and was playing fiancée with Margaret. Well…those were still possible but he had done something for me. Didn’t that count for anything?

            The bed squeaked and trembled as Ian rolled onto his side and faced me with heavy eyes. My side still hurt so I remained stationed on my back, craning my neck to see him.

“You have a lot to tell me” yawned Ian, inching a little closer so his breath brushed my face and his lips were only a slight lunge away. Hypnosis was spiraling out of his eyes so I would bid to his every question but he didn’t know how much that would hurt me like he didn’t know how he being here killed me. How could I ignore his questions when he had made me so defenseless?

“Like what?”

“Don’t play dumb. Seven years” he stroked my cheek, clenching my jaw and tensing my limbs in reaction “Seven years to talk about”

“Why don’t you tell me about your seven years?”

“I did nothing. I want to hear about you” without a warning, he dug his arm beneath me and coiled me into a hug. “You know how much you mean to me. Just tell me what happened”

“I’m feeling tired now” Ian’s arms felt dirty around my waist and I wondered how much longer he would hold me. His jaw was held firmly against my shoulder and his arms were locked around my body like a steel chain. I felt so ashamed against his body with my tense limbs, clenching fists sitting lightly on his chest, my erratic heart to stay with him, and my avoidance on the topic of my seven years. This silence wasn’t sterile; it was pungent with differences and discomfort. It was at this point that I knew that our friendship would never be the same again.

“I thought you could tell me anything” it hurt to hear him upset.

“It’s not about trust” I paused, trying to put together a good explanation “I just—“

“I’m not good enough or something?”

“What? No! It’s the opposite, you are too good”

“Now I’m confused” I got angry, pushing against his chest in attempts to break his interlocked hands against my back.

“I don’t want to talk about it. It was horrible and I don’t want you to have the images stuck in your head” Ian’s face went blank with his arms still around me. Then it went to soothing, putting a cool hand against my face and pulling it away with tears stuck to the tips.

“Calm down” he said, I hadn’t realized I was sobbing. “See this is why you should talk to me. Just let it out, I want to know”

“No, you don’t” I shimmied out of his arms and nearly toppled over the bed if it hadn’t been for Ian’s quick reaction.

“Ugh! You are just the same! You put yourself in danger. Right now you could have broken a few ribs. Why is this so difficult? Just talk” he was on his knees ,now, with my wrists in his fists, clenching his hands harshly so I couldn’t wiggle away. My veins were throbbing from the boiling blood that had warmed up from my short temper.

“Oh, you want to talk. Fine, how about we talk about Nick and how he’s being treated” it was too late to take it back. I hadn’t meant to interfere with his personal issues especially when I had only been here so shortly but it was only fair since Ian had insisted on talking about mine. He scowled, a subdue anger flashed in his eyes, and pushed me flat against the bed. The pillows cushioned the push and Ian’s body weight when he sat on me.

“This isn’t about Nick or anyone else” I closed my eyes and scowled to crush oncoming tears. My  heart and flesh yearned and burned for Ian to calm down and tell me he loved me while my head and anger wanted to run away and shove Ian as far away from me as possible. “Look at me!” I tried to believe that the reason I opened my eyes was because my eyes were sticky when I knew the real reason was to look at Ian. I was weak in the sense that I would do anything for Ian and sometimes it meant giving up.

            I looked into his eyes and instead of seeing a furious, raging flame of anger swallow his eyes, I saw a beautiful, frustrated man with only heart’s interest in his eyes.

“I want to know what happened to my angel” with the statement, I was able to overlook his charm and innocence. Why, exactly did he want to know? And I wasn’t his angel anymore. If I had been, it would be us getting married. It would be us filling the house. It would be us living together… forever.

“Why? I’m nothing and I’m here. You don’t have to pretend you care!” I was choking on sobs “Do you know what happened to me?” I lifted the hem of my hospital gown to reveal scars that looked like dots from a hot poker they used to keep me away from the door. Then I rolled up my sleeve to reveal two streaks from when they sliced my shoulder and nearly died of infection. I was glad a veil of tears had swamped my eyes so I wouldn’t see the hands that had inflicted the wounds.

“What do you think happened to me? I was tortured, raped, studied, and starved! Are you happy now? That’s all that happened and I don’t want to talk about it anymore”  I scooted as far away from Ian and cowered into a ball. Tears bleached the hospital gown and slicked my arm. It felt so cold—

“Oh, Sam. Please don’t cry”

“I’m not crying” he didn’t laugh like he used to. I ignored the arms extending toward, crunching deeper into a tighter ball against the wall. He was supposed to be the one person who could never hurt me.

“I…”

“IAN! What the hell are you doing? Mr. Fawns has been here for over twenty minutes”

“I’m busy here. You don’t need me to pick out anything. I don’t care”

“How can you say that? This is our wedding! Ugh, get down here now and we need to talk after” Margaret stood in the doorway with no intentions of leaving the room without Ian. Ian glanced at me soberly, about to stroke my head when Margaret caught the stretched the hand and pulled him off the bed. The door was slammed shut, shaking the walls and disconnecting the lamp.

Author's Note

Please ignore grammar problems. I know they're there and have countless times looked over and edited my work but still can't fix every single one. I would appreciate comments (good or bad) and would love ideas since I'm constantly on writer's block.

SONG OF THE CHAPTER: "Never Let This Go"- Paramore, "Don't Stay"- Linkin Park, "Sugar, We're Going Down"- Fall Out Boy, "Low"-Cracker, "Freak Out"- Avril Lavigne

Reviews

[Ben]

This was kinda sad to me... Great write!