Prince

Two Characters with similar ambition. Ones rich physically but Not spiritually. One is rich spiritually,by not physically. This is a test run of a book I want to right. Comments greatly appreciated.

Being a prince isn't all what it's shaped out to be. So when I talked to the King I said, "Dad, allow me to set out on my own journey. The only way I will ever be able to fulfill your desires and truly be able to one day claim the throne is if I have the opportunity to venture out and see the world." Usually when I talk to my dad, he hears me with his ears, but he doesn't hear me with his heart. Sometimes I think that being king has forced him to not see the needs of his own life, which causes him to fear my life and my needs. "Son we have gone through this once before, you aren't like the others, your different, special, I need you close to me."


What he fails to realize is that I am his son. I am just like him but... I am different. I see everything in the world we live in as beautiful. The wars we have been through as a country I see it as misunderstanding after misunderstanding. Instead of my dad hearing me out, he shuts me out. Guess the bible is right in saying, and I'll paraphrase it, you can't put old wine in new bottles. However, you can put new wine in old bottles. That's how I am, I have traditions from the old, but a mind of the new. Dad is just old. Old bottles, old wine. Just old period.

However, I respect him. I see what and why he protects me so much he's afraid that it will happen again. When he thought he lost me, his world came crashing down. I weakened his kingdom more than any enemy could have. A father's love can only be so tough until the outer shell breaks. If I tell you a secret will you promise to keep it between us. What I did to him was necessary. He needed to be broken in order for him to drop his ego and allow me to build him up. My job as a son is to make my dad better, he may not always see it. With the latter incident I don't know how long it will be until he frees me from his prison of love, nestled comfortably in our, his kingdom.

------------------------------------------

Sometimes I think I'm crazy. I mean not like Donnie Darko or Edward Scissor-hand crazy, but spiritually crazy. I live in a world where I feel like I belong but I don't belong. I don't have much, I have had to work for everything I have. Sometimes the jobs I have had were unethical but, it helped me reach my greatest achievement: Graduating college.

The journey was marked with lots of lessons and mistakes but,I know I am merely a mortal searching for a comfortable place in this immoral world. Yet, something deep inside of me screams that I am not living to my full potential. If you ask me what I want to be doing right now I will always say the same thing, "inspiring the world through epic concerts where I dance, sing and rap my heart out, while oozing sex and charism." But, what I'm doing now is only imagining it. I have gained weight and no longer have the physique I did when I was a former escort and amateur porn sensation. Despite the life of glitz and glamorous seduction work I have mellowed out since 5 years ago. I currently sleep in my grandfathers bedroom at my grandmothers house. I drive a 1996 Intrepid to work. My job consists of teaching dance and working below minimum wage at a hotel. I thought by being a college grad I would be making the big bucks, but I'm patient. If there is one thing my Dad's mom told me to ask God for it was patience. I'm happy I listened.

It seems I'm always waiting for something. Currently I'm waiting to leave Louisiana and chase my dreams. However, being a hard a*s a few years back, I ended up on probation and owing the state 27,000 dollars. However, I'm a firm believer in God dictating our lives and our paths. When my dad watched my ordeal on television and had to know for five months I was locked in a cell and he couldn't do anything to help despite all the assets we possessed it brought him to his lowest point.

When I tell the story, it's amusing to my audience, looking at me I look like the softest guy ever. I am always fixing my hair, taking selfies,looking in mirrors, and being super gay, that could be taken as super happy. When I was younger I was teased and bullied because I was different. I was called gay so much that I started to believe I was. Even though, at 11 I didn't even have the slightest attraction romantically or physically to guys. I recall when I was younger, like 7 or 8, my best friend wanted me to kiss him and I couldn't, I didn't have the desire or slightest curiosity. I guess time proved otherwise because through a series of events I learned to be unbiased when only guys were helping me attend college when I didn't have a ride. I blame my not having a ride on poor direction but I can't point or blame anyone. However, that experience of having to make a way through what I was blessed with, I think God daily for my above average proportions, it allowed me to get what I needed and eventually molded me into being nonjudgmental of anyone's race, physicality, religious beliefs, and sometimes their insecure shortcomings.

Even though I became bisexual through my environment and my own insecurities brought on by others, I learned a deeper connection and respect for humanity as a whole. I learned that everyone is searching for compassion and love.
As for me, I was able to give it away freely because God blessed me with extra portions, however, since childhood I felt that my perfect soulmate, the soulmate that was designed for me to procreate with, wasn't here. Maybe it's me being crazy spiritually that allows me to say that. Or maybe I know that the greatest love story is the one I have held inside me for many past lives that I tap into sometimes when I go through what doctors suggest is a bipolar episode. Or maybe that's just me speaking crazy again.

------------------------------------------
Dad has all the power in the world, yet he calls me selfish because I am never happy. He isn't happy either. My mom slept with my dad once and then left me at his doorstep. The note read "My job is done". This is what one of the servants told me. He was mad at my dad for being so hard on me, so he told me that secret as leverage. However, I never found the use in telling him that. I don't want to hurt him with my words. I usually have a mouthful to say when him and I argue. He is a Scorpio and I am a Libra. His nature is to be secretive while mine is to be truthful and just. Weeks after we argue he always tells me I hurt him with my words. I guess the truth hurts.

I pride myself on honesty, I have secrets but they are my secrets that I feel are beyond my comprehension. My interactions with others compels me to tell the truth, unless I know it may hurt someone, then I tell a white lie.

However, is it wrong to protect the spirit of a person if you know what you may say may hurt, or is it necessary to help that person grow. I wish I could say people take the truth to grow, but I can't. Usually truth leads to hatred. I am aware from the incident that dad still hasn't talked to me about. Sometimes I think he feels guilty because it was his own words that persecuted me. Being as obedient as I am it was all necessary for me to be able to one day take the throne when he realizes that, I think his guilt will subside completely. However, he hasn't allowed himself to let me in. All he sees written on my forehead is trouble.

I am ok with that. Only I know what's deep within and one day he will too, that's only going to be when he judges me and my actions to see if I am really worthy of possessing the kingdom. Even though I have been obedient I find flaws within his world of perfection. It's his imperfections that create perfection, when I speak to him in the parables he has taught me it's too deep for him to grasp. He gets literal and doesn't acknowledge the figurative. Unless it's concrete and sealed by him he doesn't give outside ideas a chance.

Sometimes I think that the day where I rule the kingdom won't come. I'm the last successor to the throne. My older brothers are the apples of my dads eye. They are exact replicas of him. I am more a mixture of my mom and dad. What that does is creates a riff between him and I. I remind him of everything he disliked about her. That's what he tells me. What he doesn't know, is that I know her story because I sought her out, his secretive nature is revealed in my world but I don't judge him, however his eyes judge me every time- he sees me.

-----------------------------------------
If anyone who accepts me for me it's my mom. She knows just about everything about my life. When I told her some things she made grimaces, but her love never faded from me. My mom also hasn't made me feel inadequate or unworthy of a life full of happiness.

Although she's made this world full of happiness for me I don't believe this world is my world for happiness. I think the afterlife is what I look forward to more than the world I am in now. I feel that way because I believe when I die I will meet my wife and be with her forever. It may be naive to feel this way, but these feelings aren't new they have been this way since I can remember.

I have been with women but I don't think I will ever go into a women without a condom. I don't know if having sex with a condom still constitutes sex. I mean we have these laws right, that say what sex is and what it's not but, if you never felt the inside of a woman because of what you hold sacred to you does that make you a virgin to women?

I find that I ask myself the weirdest things sometimes. I believe it's because of how ancient I feel. Like really I am such a chivalrous royal gentlemen, unless I am with my boys than I'm just as bad as them. Farting, talking about sex, sports, our plans when we are famous. These guys are the perfect representation of me. In my boys I see versions of myself, except completely straight. Having as wild of life up until this tender age of 24, I find that the definition of bisexuality is harder to explain than what the textbooks currently describe it as.

------------------------------------------
So when Dad found out I faked my death, he was so upset with me. When he saw me he didn't know weather to cry of happiness or be afraid because he didn't know if I was real.

I know he saw my lifeless body. I know he cried for hours. Yet, he never left my side until the day of the sacred burial and then he found that my body was taken away. For him each day felt like a thousand years. From what the servants told me when I returned, they said my father mourned every day as he sent parties to search for my body.

Then one day, I appeared before him alive and explained what I did. He had no response. He couldn't have had a response, the charges I was guilty of was based purely on rules he creates. His rules persecuted me to death.

Is it my fault that he created the rules of our kingdom. I obeyed his every command. Now, I am free from his control and he doesn't know what to do. Or maybe he does know what to do but, he thinks that I'm a living ghost haunting him every day he sees my face. However, he's not afraid of me, he just fears losing me again and to have me here, within the majestic kingdom of Eden he feels it is better than not having me at all.

------------------------------------------

Author's Note

Written on iPhone. Possible grammatical errors and spelling. Would you read this book why or why not ?