diamond of heart

Diamond of heart




There's a whole in my chest
I don't know how it got there
It's been closed up
But something was taken out somewhere

I look in my hand
Where I hold my heart
It's still beating
But somehow not bleeding

I still live though
Despite how my heart is out
I feel apathetic towards this so
I have no urge to be afraid and shout

I wrap my fingers over it tight
And feel each living pulse
My stitches feel a little tight
And my emotions feel almost false

So my own heart is in my heart
Though I feel neutral and calm
This had no effect on me
Despite it is all real I can plainly see

So I hand it over to a friend
And he gives it a weird look
But he would turn around in the end
And stab it with his hook

So I take it back and leave
They don't appreciate me obviously
They have hurt my heart
And I felt the pain inside

So I gave my heart to God
Thinking he wouldn't do the same
But when he looked into it
He put me to shame

So I took Jesus from where he reside in my heart
And took it back from them too
More pain and sadness came
I want to give my heart
But to who?

My parents said they'd cherish it
But when I left it didn't last
So more pain built up from those lies
It is so hard to leave it in the past

I wanted to give it to the world
A very selfless thought indeed
But they simply neglected and tortured it
Now it is starting to bleed

I tend just the wounds of the bleeding part
Just enough to get it to stop
My body cringes from the afflictions
I'm not seeming to come out on top

So I hold my heart closer and more dear
Worrying of more pain in fear
I try to let that hurt and mistrust feeling go
But it's harder than you know

So who else with can I try?
The doctors say I should have died
So they are of no help it seems
In my eyes the disappointment gleams

So I gave a chance to more friends I had
And at first at the opportunity they seemed glad
But then anger, revenge, or carelessness
Would cause it more punctures and rips
And I'd lose my breath in the pain

Can I trust to do it again?
Maybe it couldn't hurt
But Satan, Buddha, and all them
Religious figures just couldn't tend
And most of them were not real

I must keep my heart hidden
Until someone worthy comes along
the empty spot in my chest feels forbidden
And I grow ever less hopeful and strong

I heard that animals don't judge or hurt
But when I gave them it, it went wrong
They don't know what to do with it
They just want to eat and sleep
They used it as a toy or just eventually left it alone

So I withdrew it from there paws and claws
And said a small prayer:
"Whoever I am praying too
Why is this so unfair
All I want is to share myself
Is that so bad and hard?
But nothing accepts this
Yet still I drop my guard."

Who shall be next on my list of choices?
Not material objects with no voices
And money is too selfish and greedy to give back
Well that was an easy one to learn the fact

So I gave my heart to my country
And went and joined the army
But it's hard to hold a heart and a gun
And then everyone tried to harm me

Pulling out of the service
I sought my outer family
But cousins, aunts, and brothers all said
"It isn't my job to do what you plea."

Funny how I hold my heart
And yet most seem not to have one
At least mine is still connected in part
And my wish of my will has no cruelty

A girlfriend or wife!
That's to who I can give this fleshy piece of life
So I search all fields
Finally someone yields

So I give my heart to her
And her joy overwhelms
She seems to really care for it
The first true person of this realm

Alas that too ends not well
And my pain shoots me into hell
After a long love I felt for us
It turns out a bust

So she left after so long
What had I done wrong?
That she gave my heart back
In two pieces
For it was broken

Did she break my heart on accident?
Or was it a purposeful resent?
She gave it back to me broken this way
And I thought
"Surely this will kill me today."

Every beat is gushing blood
And so I clean off the mud
Give my heart a needle and thread cure
I sew it together but it's no longer pure

So I live somehow after her attack
But denial lets me think next time will prevail
When I catch another girl, she leaves a crack
And it almost breaks from her evil hands and nails

A few more females and once more it broke
People took me heart as a joke
Stitched lines and covered rough
It beats slower and scars made it feels tough

No one accepts this miracle of my living heart
They all just tore it apart
Amazing to me was my own beating heart in my hand
But the hole in my chest means nothing to them
Like I'm just blown by the wind and made of sand

I want to reattach it back
But I cant fathom the way how
So I need a better way to protect
So no one can cause me more pain effect

So I built of iron bars
This way it is protected
But you can still see the horrid scars

But people still poked and prod
Stabbing it through the iron rods
So I put it in a bubble in the cage
Giving it a safer stage

Still the pain keeps persist
Feeling shame and a worrying risk
So I build a wooden box
And placed my caged heart in there

I've isolated it from all
And keep it hidden away
I let no one near or let them know
Where I've hidden it today

So I tried to share myself around
But they all destroyed my soul as well
My heart can never trust or be sound
And I'm always in pain and sorrow of this

I feel ruined and the void in my chest
Aimlessly wandering and cannot rest
I thought I'd done my best
So maybe now my heart can heal
And be replaced in my chest
So I can again finally feel�..