the factory

The Factory

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I live on a dead end street with a small factory surrounded by fence at the very end of it. Weird things happen that I didn’t find out what till later. I would walk down there and see weird figures and shadows inside the gates.

One day I went into the gravel lot of the factory on the other side of the fate in the factory. I saw a small malicious creature running at me in the dark. I ran away and out of there in a hurry. I turned around to see that the creature had stopped at the gate. It would not come outside of that gate for anything.

I looked closer at the creature and realized it was a creature from a little book series I had written. They were about the devils some trying to take over the world with demons and creatures. This particular creature was called a brainiac alien. I left and went home unsure of things.

The next day I went back and saw in the factory the worst three zombies I had ever created. But no matter how much they wanted to get me and tried to, they just would not come outside the gates. It was pretty freaky that all of them were there. Every single one I ever made was there in the factories gate at night.

Every day I would go back there and watch them. One darker day I went down there and decided to go further in and stay for a bit. I got set and headed out and down the street. I went through the gate and I didn’t see anything. I looked around and just nothing.

When I got far enough in they came out suddenly and surrounded me. Their leader came out. It was a goblin who played “games” called Urdewag. “Well well well, if it isn’t our so called creator. Why are you here? What do you want with us? What I say!” he growled and waited for me to reply. I stalled, and then answered. “Well all I wanted to know is why all of you guys and things are here. I’ve been watching you for…” “We know, you want to know, I will tell you,” he interrupted, “the reason were here is the train brought us. And now we shall kill you for putting us here! Get him!” he yelled and I ran. It was a close race to the gate but I managed to make it.

Then the dragons started breathing fire, and the zombies started chanting, then the goblins, and then the brainiac, soon they were all chanting the same thing over:

Train of power

Come to us

Show us what fear’s made of

Bring us fire, bring us rain

Show us torture, show us pain

We call on you oh demon train!

 

I ran as I heard a train whistle. A ghost train was following me down the middle of the street as I ran. They laughed menacingly as it caught up to me. I got home and closed the door. The ghost train suddenly came right though the door and through me. Then it passed on and all was quiet. I was traumatized. I go back every day now just to see my creations walk by…

Reviews

[Lola Nation]

I took the liberty of doing some edits for you:

"I live on a dead end street with a small factory surrounded by fence at the very end of it. Weird things happen that I didn't find out what till later. I would walk down there and see weird figures and shadows inside the gates."

I live on a dead end street with a small factory at the very end of it, surrounded by fence. Weird things happened there that I wouldn't find out about till later. I would walk down there and see strange figures and shadows behind the gates.

(weird was used twice, used strange the second time, gates are a device to gain entry - you can't be inside a gate so it's either behind or in front of)

"One day I went into the gravel lot of the factory on the other side of the fate in the factory. I saw a small malicious creature running at me in the dark. I ran away and out of there in a hurry. I turned around to see that the creature had stopped at the gate. It would not come outside of that gate for anything."

One day I went into the gravel lot of the factory on the other side of the gate. I saw what looked like a small malicious creature running toward me in the dark. I was out of there in a hurry. I turned around only to see that the creature had stopped at the gate. It would not come past the gate for anything.

....

all in all it's a charming story with some desperate editing to take place. This is a good sketch of what you want to portray, the next step is to perfect the sentence structure so that one can read it with ease, right now it is in your mind - not the readers.