Long Nights

insomniac schitzophrenic dementia? yeah, i said it.

Long Nights

 

 

 

“You have insomnia with a side of dementia schizophrenia.” the doctor said with a grimace of his own for me. I didn’t think anything weird about it though; I hadn’t slept in over two weeks and the things I had been seeing, yeah, it all fit to that simple diagnosis. Let me explain.

I use to sleep just fine, the whole eight hours with not a single problem at all. But I had finals coming up on the last day of school and didn’t have enough time to study for them. I was frustrated. So the night before I decided to stay up all night to study, that way I would have more time and then I would have less chance to fail. Good idea huh?

I did so that week later and stayed up. I went to school in the morning feeling really good. Better then I thought I would be! Best of all I aced all the exams. So it worked out great from no sleep. Besides, it was only one night, how could that hurt?

I was able to think better, do better, like physically too, and I was relaxed with no stress, it was just too wonderful and I didn’t want it to go away. So the next night, the first day of summer I didn’t sleep at all…on purpose. And again the next day just felt awesome to me. So for just a few more nights after I did the same thing each one. I stayed up and played games, watched TV, and did just tuff I never really had time to do in the day.

But then my fun came to an end when I decided to go to sleep for a night, although the strange thing was I wasn’t really tired. So I got ready and laid down for the night. I tried everything to sleep. I just couldn’t no matter what I did. From music, to warm milk, nothing had any effect on me. So after about four or five hours I gave up and decided to just stay up. There was no use fighting it. I t wasn’t doing me any good.

So I would do the same thing that night that I did the other nights before. Just hang out and do whatever. Though this night I decided to try and write some stuff and then after I tried to draw and paint. That was very amusing for the hours I had to pass.

Then the next night the same thing happened, I tried so hard to sleep, but it was useless to try, my body rejected even just keeping my eyes closed! So I gave up again after some time and started to do the same things as the night before. This piece went on for a few more days, and brought the total sleep deprivation count to a full week! Still not able to sleep then.

It was fine and really had no major effects on me, well, until the voices started. They seemed harmless, even after they started to tell me to do stuff. I had enough control to not worry. They had no control on me so it was ok. But eventually, I started to talk back to them, and have conversations with seemingly no one. That’s when they got me and I started to do what they told me to. Just like a freshly trained puppy.

It started small, like “hey! Kid! Steal that!” or “hey kid! Kick that guys car.” Or something like “hey, why don’t we go and beat up those kids over there?” Although it started to get worse, some of their commands were so horrible. There was the worst one when they made me commit murder. Yes, I killed someone due to them. Sick and twisted thoughts they were.

Though I’m surprised, though out the whole thing my mom never noticed anything weird. She even swore she saw me sleeping those nights, but I knew I wasn’t. How could she have not seen anything? Even a few things I did I was with her. That was strange.

Anyways, then more set in. Voices are one thing, but then I would see people. I would see scary people from normal people. I sometimes couldn’t tell who was real and who was inside my head. But the people that did the worst things weren’t actually there.

I struggled to resist the thoughts and the people who tried to order me around, but not to soon after it started, it won. The voices and people controlled my every move. I fought and resisted all the terrible things, and especially from any more murders, I was afraid enough they would find the body.

Then I finally got just enough strength to do something about it. “No!” I said out loud, “I must tell my mom! I know she can help make the bad things go away!” Being only sixteen I was still short willed to save myself, but I knew she could do something.

I was going to tell her, but something stopped me. A man appeared before me in a cloud of smoke, he was dressed in a brown almost leather suit with a cowboy hat and leather boots. He was white with almost reddish eyes and a mustache to match the getup; it was the devil standing in front of me. Only he wasn’t really there.

“Hey there boy, you don’t really wanna tell your momma about us do you? It wouldn’t matter anyways, I ain’t gonna let you do that son.” he said. “Let me through to tell you! I have to stop this now.” I said clasping my head almost to try and make him go away. “Nope, no can do,” he said, “settle in boy, you have some long nights ahead of you, long nights.” he said and grinned, “prepare for them, the more you cooperate the easier it will be. And if you tell anyone at all, I’ll kill you. Understand?” I agreed to his threatening statement, to afraid to speak against. “Good, no you remember what I said and everything will be ok.” he said, then just vanished.

I was terrified, and the only way I thought to solve this was to avoid everyone at all cost anywhere, well except my mother, who still noticed no changes. Even despite my lacking in appearance, jitters, shaking, lessened appetite and such. And then after now having to worry about real people, I started to ignore the unreal ones. I was more safely in control. But they ended that quickly for me.

One day a group of the “people” came to me while I was doing nothing in my room. I sat up and stared. Then some one spoke. The person simply told me I had better start a massacre or something big or else they would dispose of me. It was either I was useful them or dead. Easy choice for me to choose, though how I would rather have been dead now looking back. And I still didn’t realize they could not touch me or do any real harm. I planned what to do to please the evils.

Lucky for me though I didn’t have to do anything. My mother finally noticed my acting weird and tried to secretly find out what was up. She looked through my room one day and found a notebook, it was where I kept all that was going on and what the people said to do and stuff. Then she knew everything.

She told me the next day we needed to go to the store for some groceries. But instead she took me to the hospital where they immediately strapped me to a bed when they heard what was going on and gave me something to sleep. Good thing too, what I was going to do was in that very hospital…..

They ran a lot of test, and then after I woke they ask me questions and such. But even though I had actually gotten some sleep, I was not able to function. That’s how they made my diagnosis, exactly where I began, and what a combination those three disease are! Almost unbelievable that the outcome wasn’t worse.

I had told people then, the next thing I remember is the devil man appearing and charging at me, I curled in to protect myself, but when he reached me, he ran through me, not a stimulation or anything. There wasn’t really any pain to fear, just there commands…..

They gave me medication, but if didn’t really work. I didn’t say anything about it though, I didn’t want to. The meds gave me enough to resist their commands fully, even though the voices are there and I still see people. And I can sleep now again. It’s not an issue anymore with that.

So now I still see them, and hear them, but I live normal enough ignoring them. The mental disorder I still there, but I have my control back. And I ignore whatever left of them. Every single one of them, well, except there is one figment I don’t ignore, it’s my mother…..

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[Rachel]

you might want to try spell check. there's a lot of places where it needs some help