Only Justice

A women who was ripped from her family takes justice herself

The day comes near its end with colors of velvets and blues

Men come together through swinging doors into the cantina to drown in glasses of whiskey, and cigar smoke

Engaging in conversation about the wanted who would come with rewards and riches

As the sky is at its final hour filled with now oranges and reds

A gallop is heard in a near distance

Not a single soul paid a care to what or who was approaching.

A horse came to a halt with a heavy grunt

Again no head turned in curiosity

The doors open to rays of a desert sunset, blinding the men at midst of their poker, and faro games

Sudden reaction came for all inside

The cantina accompanist stopped playing his music, men and their entertainment gals stared with not one blink.

What the desert night had brought with it was dressed in a mind blowing seductive way

Heads began to turn to the presence of a women standing at the doors

Tall and lean elongated neck

Curves any man would love to drive

Honey-wheat colored skin

Long under back thin raven black hair

Eyebrows highly arched that created her mischievous and sinister look

Eyes fiery brown as the great phoenix when dying to reborn again

Lips full and slightly opened with an insidious invite that can lead to any mans death

Arms and shoulders were bare

Red and black laced silk corset to cover her bosom

A scandalously short mid-shin black ruffled skirt with no petticoat

Net stockings were held up by garters

She walked through the crowd

Who was this eye catching women they all asked?

Was she a daughter of sin?, a scarlet lady?

With no words she walks through to the man with the liquor

"Whiskey" she asked for

Her voice soft and gentle

She poured the liquor in her mouth

Drops fell onto her chest down into her corset

Making all the men in the room quench with thirst

She turned and lean against a wooden table

She opens her mouth to speak once again

"Which one of y'all fine gentleman is the one who calls himself Whiskey?"

Silence fell in the cantina as no one spoke up

All turned and searched for this whiskey character the women asked for

Out of the dark corner of the room rose a man in a long coat and a hat 

No one was able to see his face as the room was dark, his stare would go up no further than this women's thighs

He had a pistol 1873 pistol at his side.

"That would be me" the man says.

"Well Ive been searching a mighty long time for you dear sir"

"What do you say if we go upstairs to one of these here rooms"

"Need to make up for the time i been searching for you"

From under whiskeys hat all that could be made out was a devilish grin

"And just who might you be? and what makes you think i will go with you?"

The woman walked over to him in her pearl white boots

Putting her warm lips on him and whispering lightly into his ear

"Shall we ma'am"

All men arose while the two made there was to the staircase

As they walked up the sets of stairs, they were able to distinguish a pistol and a dagger concealed in her boot top

The men though nothing more than for her use to keep this man in line

Once lost into one of the rooms everyone continued to their drinks and games

Hours passed, laughter coming from girls pleasuring other men in all rooms

When two shots were heard followed by a scream from the ladies

All the girls came rushing downstairs some fully clothed and others in complete nudity

A few men ran up the stair down the hall into the room where this women had taken whiskey

What they came to find was pure death

There lay whiskey in the nude with a shot to the head and another to the heart

On his naked body there was a piece of paper held on by his dead cold hands

A man came close to read what it contained

 

                                                

NOTICE

 

                       WANTED

                 DEAD OR ALIVE

                        10,000                                        FOR MURDER, ROBBERY, AND SLAUTER OF DE LA LUZ FAMILY

                    

                                                        NOTORIOUSE

                                                        ROY PICKETT

                                                            (Whiskey)

 

Startled as what their eyes came to see

Again a gallop was heard in the distance fadign more and more

When the men looked up to the only window in the room they held their breaths

There in this mans own blood was a note

“No Reward Only Justice”

      Deborah  De La Luz

 

The men approached the window

There they saw these women in the distance

This woman with the heavenly body

The smell that made men desire

There riding away

Deborah De La Luz

 

Reviews

[thisis2]

Very cool, I'm going through a western phase right now, so I really enjoyed this one. A few spelling mistakes and lack of punctuation in some places. The line "He had a pistol 1873 pistol at his side", is that a mistake or meant to be written like that?
I get great imagery from it, I love the idea/story behind it. It make me want to know more about this notorious Roy Pickett. :]

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer]

I noticed that to and wondered the same thing. I think if she said, "He had a pistol, an 1873 at his side" it would flow better. I thought she was making it dramatic that is why she repeated the word pistol without proper punctuation.

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer]

Or to over emphasize.

[J.R.]

I love short stories like this, simple yet entriquing, I admire this about you. Unfortunaltly i cant keep it that short lol

[Ees]

This story is kind of like a poem that leaves an impression of the impression that old western movies and books leave. I mean that in a good. I hope that made sense, it made sense somewhere in the back of my brian, though I am not sure that it is readable on this page.

"Long under back thin raven black hair"- didn't quite make sense, there must be a typo in there somewhere.

I really loved this. I enjoyed reading about the justice and the unusual woman who got it. There were a number of typos, but going through this and rereading it, you'll catch them. Great job. I like dusty, whiskey soaked stories.

The one thing that bugged me just a bit in this writing is that in those days bartenders would not have served an unaccompanied lady. She'd have had to sit at a table and wait to be served, or used a man to order for her. That isn't necessarily important, it's just a historical note. But within this piece, I think it would have been relatively easy for this lady to catch a young man by the arm and use him to get her whiskey.

[Westminster Abbey]

I liked it very much. I may go on to say, however, that you often said 'women' when you should have said 'woman' and 'whiskey' when you should have said 'Whiskey.' Other than that, I absolutely loved it! 100/100

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-G..]

I absolutely love a strong character like this Deborah and had a strong hint that she was there to kill him but unsure of the reason. 'Justice', the perfect and only reason for her to be there. Amazing story but I did notice several grammar mistakes and misspelling of several words. Definitely run through the piece yourself or have a friend help with that (I'm not good at being a editor however I do notice simple ones here and there) but over all, great plot with great characters. I enjoyed the read all the way through. Thank you for sharing.

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer]

Oh and you wrote "women" a few times instead of the word woman. I did notice that early on in the story.

[Rob Santana]

interesting story girl,well written.

[Kevin McKenna]

I like the break down and experimentalism that you've chosen to use. Would really love to have seen it carried throughout the piece. Keeps the reader on his/her toes, for sure. It's a fun read!

[Elizabeth Reed]

Wow, this is awesome! Really great write, awesome job. A couple spelling mistakes, but other than that, it's near perfect.

[Fuzzy_Poluzah]

hmmmmmm.....interesting, intriguing.....kind of.... loved it!
Good job.
:)
~Fuzzy

[Mia]

This is such an interesting story and I love the way you have written it. I think it's great that you put the notice in as opposed to just writing about it. It shows you care for detail. Thank you for sharing.

[Mercedes Caridad Sanche..]

oh i loved this story..such a great triumph for that woman :)