Afraid

A brief over view of why i feel the way i do. This is what i can blam without hearing an 'Its not true"

I have always feared Love

Always feared Touch

Scarred as a child by a horrific way of touching

Touched by someone whom I did not love.

Night fall came everyone shut there eyes ready to gaze into a peaceful sleep

My night came with horror

I shut my eyes not to fall into my dreams but to ease the pain, to remember life before this moment

Long hours of the night I sat there and endured what a child should never

Wishing this moment wouldn’t last.

Opening my eyes when it was all finished to see invisible scares which only my eyes could see

A man who scares a child is in no way a Man.

I have always feared Love

Always feared Touch

10 years later

Many guys later

I still carry the scares

Scares of an unwanted touch on my flesh

I live blind by the torment

I am not able to see true reality.

They say “I love”

They want to touch my flesh as they once did

Those words were always a time machine for me

All I do is run

I can never trust again

I have always feared Love

Always feared Touch

Guys come and go

All I have to blame are the scars

Can they really be seen?

Can you smell the touch of the mans figures on my skin?

Was it the hotness of his breath on the side of my face running up my ear?

What was wrong with me 10 years later?

I have always feared Love

Always feared Touch

Guilt falls upon my shoulders

I will never find love

The scares will follow me

This is who I will be

I will always fear Love

I will always fear Touch

Author's Note

Im not a writer, i find it hard to put my ideas together to make it understandable. I just throw what i feel in sentences.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

it erases trust when this happens...and that trust is so hard for any good man later on to retrieve.

i have been with women who have gone through this...and the scars are irreversible...

yes, this may be rough in spots...but you got it out...and many will relate.

this needs voice...such scoundrels who get away with this...we could only wish the same thing to happen to them so they would know how it feels.

jacob

[Rob Santana]

I relate to your author's note 100%!! My grammar sucks but I write not to prove anything but to make sense of my own life,hahahadoes that make sense,haha!!!You are a godd writer eyes green do not stop writing,keep going....you only can get better.

[EvErEyEs]

thanks and im really glad someone understands the whole grammar thing lol
i think writing is great as long as you understand yourself, thats why we write to get things out in the open and others can help us thru it. :)

[An owl on the moon]

Your words just made me ache... such pain inflicted in the name of love, and yet not love at all... How it makes me wish it could all be undone... to set you free from those horrid memories... I was molested as a child... can still see and feel it as if yesterday. Try to throw off the darkness.

[DrD]

¿Que puedo decir, mi Chicana? Me gusto mucho because you permitted your feelings to ooze through the words to the point of intimacy. I loved it and encourage you to keep writing always.

[EvErEyEs]

Gracias :)

[JC]

if you tell the truth and express emotion, baring yourself and your past as you have done then you most certainly are a writer and this proves it...i feel for you for what has been done but applaud your candidness. Thank you.
(watch spelling, not scares, scars, minor detail.)

[_]

...that was pretty intense for me. D: It's horrible for those to have to go through that. Woooooow.......

[Lori]

Stange I should pick this one to read first. I can relate and I wrote a poem about it too but because some people lack reading comperhension skills it was deemed i was wishing the perpetrator to hell which to the commentor was as bad as the deed I was writing about. I hadn't planned to post it but you have given me the courage to post it on this site.Its titled Too Heavy A Burden. You will heal and writting about it is a good way to do so. xoxo

[True Henry]

Such raw emotion. I can tell you poured your heart into this one, though I'm not certain if it's a narrative as much as it is a poem. Still, nevertheless, nice effort here :-)

[Elizabeth Reed]

This is very emotional! Very well written. Good job, it's wonderful.

[Cherylann]

wow very powerful emotion!