A Year Without Him

A short description of each chapter for a story I am writing in the future, using my set character list and each of their base feelings at the start. Please let me know how you feel.

Its been almost a year now since I last felt his presence, heard his voice, held his hand.... My skin itches where he touched me, My ears listen for the sound of his breath, My heart waits for the comfort of his embrace... My life yearns for him to step back in, and he can't.   I deserved to be loved, to feel the connection... I feel like a broken puzzle,and  there is one piece forever left hollow...  I'm still here, and you're still... wherever you are without me. 

I knew it wouldn't end well.  We all did.  You were so adventurous, so determined, so brave... He saved her, but from what?  Many would prefer death over the loss of their beloved.  I'm sure he thought she would be thankful, but on the outside she seems both furious, yet empty.  She isn't alone.  I was distracted, but I was supposed to protect you.  Everyday I look at what I have, and try to be thankful, yet I only end up full of remorse.  Why do I get to smile, while she is given nothing but tears?

I want so badly to bring her peace.  I see her wait by the shore at sunset, and I know she feels him there.   Many would say I win, she comes home to me at night... But I am simply a shelter for a broken treasure, nothing more.  The light in her eyes always shone for him, and she never lied to anyone about that.  I would give myself up a thousand times to bring him back... Yet I would fight a thousand times to win her light.  I feel guilty when we lie together at night, I feel forsaken when she leaves me during the day.  Life is never an easy task, but at least it stays balanced.  Now that I have that memorized... 

He gave us all life.  I wonder ever if he regrets his decision, wherever he is now.  Prior to the loss we suffered by his choice, I don't think any of us could have fully appreciated this world. Although I 'felt' the world it still seemed so lackluster.  Every day I wake up now, that first waking breath feels like spring water in the center of a desert, Every step I take makes me want to shout to the skies.  At least someone I know well shares my feelings.  All of this color is new to her too. We both thank him for our existence, down by the pier, near that girl and though we don't like the emptiness in her eyes, we simply stay appreciative for the light in ours. Why did someone have to die for me to feel so alive? 

When I wake in the morning, I wiggle my toes to test them out.  Even though its been well over a year, I still sleep as if I may never wake, and live as if I may never stay.  I gasp at the smallest of miracles, as we are are so lucky to be experiencing all this life has to give.  Even on stormy days I can't help but to feel the presence of the forces all around me, and give myself to them.  The sky could swallow me whole, and I would do nothing but embrace it.  I'm lucky my partner shares this same mentality, always willing to find a new adventure, create a new memory.  He wears the shells we find on our walks, sometimes bringing them to the lady on the shore.  I can't help but believe that she thinks living is a chore.  Someday, I will prove to her that this was a gift, that he gave up his life for our Right to live.  

I wake up to his eyes every morning, the same silent smile reflecting back.  I can see the sparks of his intentions and they feed me life. This world is new to me, His world, and he keeps it welcoming.  There are many aspects of it that remain cracked and shattered, but he keeps everything in place while I remain.  I admire his strength, but I wish he would be honest with me. I know the boy that sacrificed himself meant so much to this man, but he doesn't need to run from me anymore... I can help him with his burden.  

I never questioned my place in life until it seemed apparent that I didn't have one.  Years have slipped by, and I have remained oblivious to the passing of time.  My life seems to have a recent start point, the day that boy died. The rest of it is a blur.  The air itself seems to focus on his absence, as if a vortex has opened beside us, and yet... I only just now even noticed his presence.  They tell me to be thankful I'm here, that minute consequences would have change the circumstance... But what do I have to be thankful for?  I sit on the pier at night and watch her. She is the only thing that catches my eye in the grey paradise... I don't think its right to be thankful that someone with a purpose is gone, and someone without is still here.  I'm happy I made it I guess, but now what?

I didn't mean to disappear for so long.  I didn't mean to leave them behind.  Although the many moments of this past year have led to this, I still can't seem to take the final step. You deserve so much more, and I deserve so much less for all I put you through.  The darkness that plagued us for so long lives deep down within me somewhere, and I could never promise you that it won't come back.  I didn't know the boy that passed, but sometimes I wonder if any of my past actions led to this retribution.  Could I somehow be the one to blame?  Could you ever forgive me if so?

We never got to say goodbye.  He was only a friend of mine, but he still helped me through tough times.  You never got to meet those you helped.  He lives with me now, and he owes so much of his success to your sacrifice... but its not the type of thing to bring up in casual conversation.  Someday, I will tell him of how you saved me, how you saved Us... However, for now, I'm happy to spend my days with him, days I never thought I would get back.  He doesn't know how I truly feel, but I think we will break that barrier soon.  I'm ready to take the final step.  I hope he is too. 

 

MGD>??   HPO>>???

Author's Note

This is brainstorming, trying to see that I gave each character a unique perspective about "the event" that still remains personal while connected to one another.

Reviews

[JayG]

Looking at the same events more then once doesn't work in writing fiction, because readers aren't interested in learning about the characters and how they feel/think/react to an event. That's subjective, and since the others aren't the protagonist their view is irrelevant. In any case, if you write the story well, their view will be obvious because of how they act/react. Think about yourself. Life is to be lived, not rehashed, and rehashed. And if your story is meaningful, your reader will be worried about what happens next. Place your reader into the persona of the protagonist, and make them worry about what to do to handle the immediate problem and you have a happy reader. Stop and talk about events they've already lived as the protagonist and they put the book down and seek one where the story doesn't stop.

You're thinking about Story, as a whole, with a capital "S." The reader wants to live those events as the star of the show, not delve into how different people viewed the same event. Who wants to experience a series of events, then do it again, and again, and again? Not the reader. They're paying for an interesting story, not a philosophical exploration of how people view things. Of course everyone experiences things differently. That's a given, and we call that viewpoint. It's a necessity if the reader is to have the protagonist as their avatar. But that's my point. The reader wants an avatar.

Have there been authors who did something like this? A few. But they were a success because they were a novelty, as the fact that there are so few attests.

Here's the deal: Your customer, like you has been reading almost nothing but professionally written and prepared fiction since the day they began learning to read. So that's what they expect. You can write anything you care to, in any way you care to. But involve the reader and you need to take THEIR expectations and needs into account.

What do they expect?

1. Someone we call the protagonist is living what to them is their expected life. But then, something happens to kick them out of that situation, and into the unknown, where they have no control of what's going on, but feel they need to regain control. We call that the inciting incident. But once it happens, the protagonist has a probem that they weren't prepared for to solve—but must.

2. Again and again the protagonist tries to solve their immediate problem. But again and again they fail. In writing fiction, we call this series of failed attempts—these units of tension—scenes. They're unlike what's called a scene in film and stage. And each succeeding scene begins with more tension than the last, while providing the protagonist with fewer options, until...

3. Things reach a point where the protagonist, should say, "Hey...I could be killed, so I'm out of here." But for one reason or another, the protagonist feels there is no choice but to continue, even though it looks like failure is assured, perhaps even death. This is the black moment. But then, chance brings a solution that our protagonist takes advantage of and s/he snatches success from the jaws of defeat. We call this the climax.

4. The climax is followed by a short segment called the denouement, where the protagonist learns what the prize is for being steadfast, as the reader's joy at the climax subsides to satisfaction.

And thzt's the form of the vast majority of stories, beginning when the first storyteller stepped to the campfire and said, "Once upon a time..." Try to change that format and you're in thin ice—especially if, like pretty much every hopeful writer who turns to recording their stories, you're still using only the nonfiction writing skills we're given in school.

And that, in the end, is my point. We all leave school believing that we were taught to read, and since reading-is-reading, we're ready to write fiction. But...

How much time did your teachers spend on handling tags, the inciting incident, short-term-scene-goals, the rule of three, how to handle viewpoint, and the other issues of craft that are needed for fiction, but not for writing essays and reports? For most people the answer is zero. But to write fiction that a reader will enjoy, if you don't know the structure of a scene on the page, how can you write one? If you're not aware that there are three issues that you must address early in a scene in order to provide a reader with context for the action ,will you address them? Hell no. No more than I did when I began recording my own stories.

The solution is simple: hit the local library's fiction writing section and devour a few good books on the tricks of the trade that the pros take for granted. I won't kid you, since we're talking about a profession, it's not an easy task. Still, it isn't an optional one if pleasing the reader is the goal. But the good news is, if you are meant to be a writer, the learning will be fun. And if not, well, you've learned something important. Win/win.

And while you're in the library, or visiting an online bookseller, look for the names, Dwight Swain, Jack Bickham, or Debra Dixon on the cover of a book on writing technique. They're pure gold.

To get a feel for the areas of craft you're missing you might want to look at a few of my writing articles. They're meant to give an overview of the craft of fiction.

But, whatever you decide, hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[ExposedSiren]

I really appreciate this, and have been somewhat poring over it whilst looking through my past writing, and I think I understand what you mean. I'm thankful you commented on this, I'm sorry it took me so long to say that. I don't write with the intention of being read, but primarily because I don't want to be disappointed if I don't... and I think that this comment, and your advice, really put my attitude about my writing into perspective. Thank you for that.