Two

My daughter dressed as a ninja today. I wondered where she got the costume but obviously a good ninja won’t share her secrets. Daughters and secrets are too ninja for me.

“I want mother back!” she yelled and jumped out from behind a curtain.

“I do too.”

“Oh.” 

She didn’t realize we were on the same team. She thought she had to attack me to get her mother back. I wanted her back too.

“We just need missiles,” my daughter said.

“Maybe we don’t blow-up mother.”

“NO-O-O,” she retorted, “missiles as messengers, like angels. Mom just needs angels.”

My daughter then played with her dolls. One doll walked downstairs to another and said, “I’m sorry I left you, I just needed my time-out.”

I listened to my daughter play.

The other doll said, “It’s okay, it’s father’s fault anyway!”

Wait, what?

“Let’s kill dad!”

Uh, no!

Then my daughter turned around with her dolls and ran at me and jumped on me! Tiny little figurines tried to hold me down! I was trapped. It’s impossible to get away from a determined daughter. Then she kissed me and said thanks for playing along. I hate to admit I sorta blushed. Why is playing make-believe with girls so fun? 

The next day I bought her children’s make-up. I didn’t know how the hell to use it but I let her play with it and she made a mess everywhere and her face had nothing but swirls on it. Girls are impossible to raise. But thank god they’re not boys.