How to prepare for zombie attackes

“Are you prepared?  The end is coming!”  Everyone has seen the drug infested men and woman who stand on street corners, proclaiming the apocalypse theory.  Those addicts may be more correct then you think; I am talking of the zombie apocalypse.  When the dead reanimate and start feeding on the flesh of the living.  I am going to give you a few steps on how to prepare for this constant threat:

            Know your stuff.  Before you attack, defend, or eat anything you must be knowledgeable about that with which you are doing said actions to; same with zombies.  Just to sort out some common misconceptions; zombies do not have super powers.  They cannot run extremely fast, fly through the air, have telepathic abilities, or have any magical abilities at all. Think of zombies as a human, only ones who cannot feel pain and do not breathe.

            Use your head: cut off theirs.  Guns and melee weapons are a must in the zombie apocalypse world.  If you shoot a zombie in the arm, leg, groin, the wound will not affect them for long; and if they fall to the ground do not go and tap them to make sure they are dead.  If you want to make sure they are dead, shoot them in the head, twice.  The brain is the organ that controls the zombie body.  If you happen to come across a zombie that is too close for shooting, this is where your melee weapons come in handy, but just the same as with a gun, aim for the head.  Shot guns, pistols, crowbars, and machetes are a must; remember, blades do not need to reload.

            Does this outfit make me look fat?  In the zombie apocalypse you do not want to be caught with loose clothing or long hair.  Anything a zombie can grab a hold of, they will.  Zombies love gauchos, loose fitting tops, and long hair.  When choosing an outfit you should K.I.S.S. it: Keep It Skinny Stupid.  No one is looking to date anymore, so that long flowing hair does not impress anyone anymore, chop it off.

            Home is where the zombies aren’t.  As many people would love to think that zombie hordes are not near their home, they are.  There are some homes that are safer than others.  If you live in an apartment complex, get out as soon as possible.  If you live in a home near a beach where it is built on stilts to keep the floods from flooding your home, you’re in luck; those houses are the best houses to be in. Since there is only one way in and out, and that is a stair case, once you reach the top dislocate the stairs with an axe and hammer. Now do not get me wrong, no place is one hundred percent safe, it is only safer.

            Keep on.  Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, and keep alert.  Zombies have ears that can pinpoint the exact direction of a moving object.  If you keep off their radar, you will keep off their menu.  Never stop in one spot for too long.  Don’t get comfy; you must stay on your toes just in case.   Don’t make a lot of noise, you will only attract their attention   Have the mindset of the prey; you never know when you need to make a quick getaway.

            The zombies may be gone, but the threat is still upon you.  You will never be safe where ever you are.  If zombies are not around, do not lose your guard; that is when they strike.  Keep you game on and keep you head out of the clouds and you will survive this attack longer than those who do not have this information.

            Now you have it, here are a few steps you must take to survive longer than most in the zombie apocalypse. I change you to use these steps and see how long you survive.