Sadness

Sadness is very addictive. An emotion that often creeps into my life. A very deep emotion that isn't very good. I'm not sure why but sometimes I like sadness. It's a comfortable state of emotion to be in for me. I was once very very sad at a point in time. It wasn't a good sad either I hurt myself when I was very sad like that. So I think because I was once very very sad and stayed very very sad for a long time that's why I'm so comfortable with being sad now. It feels good. People tell you stop being sad and be happy but even when I'm happy im not genuinely happy there's still some sadness behind it. It's like I'm pretending to be happy. So my question is, is anyone truly happy? Or is everyone just pretending..... Is there even a such thing as being TRULY happy? I would love to meet a truly happy person so I could question them to see if they'll break & let out the true sadness behind the pretending happiness..