Part 9: Good Enough

Orin winced as his arm burned with the most painful feeling he had ever felt in his entire life. He lifted his sleeve. A tattoo of a snake coming from the mouth of a skull glowed an eerie green.

            “The Dark Lord calls to me,” he murmured to himself.

            He immediately cleared his mind and opened it to his master.

            A sleek voice slid across his consciousness.

            Greetings.

            What do you wish from me, Master?

            It is something you might hesitate over, but…I’m sure you’ll be able to accomplish it well.

            Yes, Master?

            I want you to kill your dear cousin Drea Vela and her friend…Harry Potter.

            Master…I understand about killing Potter, but…Drea? Is it really necessary?

            Are you questioning my actions?

            No…no, of course not, Master. Never.

            Drea is a friend of Potter’s.

            What about the foul-blood and mudblood?

            Leave them. Deal with them later. They’re not as important.

            Yes, Master. As you wish.

            The Dark Lord severed contact with him.

            “I’m sorry, dear cousin. Looks like the end for you.”

 

_________________________________

 

            Why the heck do the holidays have to sneak right up on me? Is it…a damn tradition or something?

            I walked down a half-empty corridor where few people were wondering about. Christmas was only two weeks away now and the preparations for the Christmas Ball had already begun. Already the Great Hall was strung everywhere with magical Christmas lights glowing with pinkish reds and neon greens. The illusion of snow and icicles was being provided so that the Hall would look extra special.

            The day after the announcement of the Ball, Dumbledore had placed a magical sheet to sign up at for the entertainment. Anyone who believed that they could perform well was allowed to join except if one had received at least three detentions so far in their records. My school records were, of course, cleaner than freshly laundered clothing. I had a knack for staying out of trouble…most of the time. And, if I wanted, I could cause a lot of trouble before you could even utter the word “Quidditch.”

            I’m like that.

            Sure, I knew what I was going to do for the entertainment, but the problem was this: where the heck was I going to get a band in time?

 

            I sat serenely in the Ravenclaw common room, staring straight into the fire with a thoughtful expression on my face. Yet another problem nagged and nagged at me.

            What was I going to do about Orin? I couldn’t possibly face him, but what if he was going to hurt Harry? What then?

            He did, after all, work for Voldemort. But…what if, that, too, had been yet another lie told to throw me entirely off track? No…the Dark Lord couldn’t have been lying when he spoke to me during those times in which I dreamed of his voice speaking to me.

            At that moment, a gaggle of giggling girls entered the room, gossiping their mouths off. I was immediately irritated and crossed my arms. They destroyed the silence and my entire train of thoughts. Was it so hard to get any peace in this place? Sheesh!

            I turned and was not surprised to find Cho with them, her back to me. Of course. Just as I suspected, she was ignoring me thoroughly. No matter what I tired, she wouldn’t speak a single word to me. It was hopeless to continue trying with her.

            At least Harry still listened to me.

 

            I walked out alone into the cold that night, taking care that no one was watching me. I wore my cloak, colored my favorite shade of midnight blue. My long black skirt swished gently against my ankles. Shrugging the cloak farther down over my shoulders, I shivered from the frigid night air. My breath came out in faint clouds of white that disappeared into the overcast sky above. My black boots crunched through the top layer of frozen snow as I walked farther and farther into the Forbidden Forest.

            “People say that this place is dangerous but…it’s actually really quiet. Quiet and serene.”

            I smiled tiredly at my words. Peace was just what I needed. Lately, too much had been happening, and I felt practically smothered from all the stress.

            I looked down at the snow and saw that, despite it being night and overcast, it still shone brightly and beautifully. I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing until it was rhymic. I felt in my instincts the call of nature, the call to let loose and be free. I shuddered at the wonderful thought. To throw off all these stress from my shoulders would be wonderful. To run endlessly in this dark, dark night without ever becoming exhausted would be truly lovely. If only I could, though.

            But I could. I could run away right now, away from school, stress, and Voldemort, and live the way I pleased. That wasn’t the way, though. I knew I had to face my problems and get them over with, to end the pain as soon as possible so I could go on living my life as I desired. Maybe even be with Harry…

            All these great feelings made my chest swell with happiness. A crystalline tear fell down my cheek and I laughed for the first time in a long time. I breathed in the pure, cold night air deeply and grinned.

            To be happy…to be free…

            I stopped crying, but listened to the silence instead, those wonderful emotions still bubbling to the surface. And then I did something unexpected. I sang.

 

“Under your spell again

I can’t say no to you

Crave my heart

And it’s bleeding in your hand

I can’t say no to you

 

Shouldn’t have let you

Torture me so sweetly

Now I can’t let go of this dream

I can’t breathe but I feel

Good enough”

 

            I felt my soul lift as I sang Amy Lee’s words. She and I, I felt, shared the same pain and happiness.

            My voice echoed among the trees. I listened. It was sweet and clear and lifted my spirits towards a happier place.

 

“I feel good enough for you

Drink up sweet decadence

I can’t say no to you and

I’ve completely lost myself and

I don’t mind

I can’t say no to you

 

Shouldn’t have let you

Conquer me completely

Now I can’t let go of this dream

Can’t believe that I feel

Good enough

 

I feel good enough

It’s been such a long time coming,

But I feel good

And I’m still waiting for the

Rain to fall

Pour real life down on me

‘Cause I can’t hold on to anything this

Good enough

Am I good enough

For you to love me too?

 

So take care of what you ask of me

‘Cause I can’t say no”

 

            I listened to the remnants of the song ring in the forest, flowing back to me like a river. By this time, it had begun to snow. I twirled around and raised my arms in the air, catching the very first snowflakes on my tongue, feeling them melt and felt their pure, cold taste run down my throat. Just like when I was younger, when I was truly happy.

            And I felt good enough.