Stay With Me

Sort of emo at the moment, tell me what ya think?

 

Rub the soap out of my eyes it still stings

The shampoo I bought for you is running out

You will soon replace it and forget

The water has become too cold,

Yet I can't make myself get out

I will shiver and not care

Your voice outside the door will distract from my pain

While silently adding to it

I am stuck in here

Inside of you

Let me be born again

And come back to myself

I want the flowers again

I want to stop taking the pills

I want to rise up

But I know once the water drips away

I will just feel colder

So please come warm it up

I don't want to stay frozen forever

Reviews

[saviorys]

I disagree with cappi's comment tho..
I think you wrote it just the way you were feeling at the moment 'numb, frozen'
the choice of words makes it a good poem, it seems describe the emotionless state of mind you are having.
not a shakespeare poem, but it is a real sad poem... like you lost the colours in your world...without any strong sadness / anger anymore..

[elizasexybeth]

very nice " let me be born again and come back to myself" this line would be cool

[Lily]

This is good. Keep writing poetry! This was good!

[*** Hey Jude***]

I think this prose is well expressed! The numbness of your heart will thaw again one day when the one that deserves you will be reveiled. ~ Jude :-) xo

[Evil_Angel]

thank you savi yes it was very emotional i know waht shes saying though i definitely felt numb

[Ama May Cooper]

IM not sure what to think about this.. it lacks teh emotional feeling to make it deep it is very much just words on paper, i cant feel anything from it whihc is strange.
the writing itself is good, the story is told between teh liens but it lacks someting