Living Half A Life

My struggle with social phobia.

I wear a mask everyday to hide the cracks beneath,
A smile plastered on my face while my body struggles to breathe,
Neurons firing in my mind at a rapid speed,
Muscles tensing with the urgent need - to run.

My heart hammers in my chest,
My lungs burn, aching for breath,
A thousand eyes burn my skin,
Hushed whispers echo in - my head.

Fear and doubt and hate and pain,
Panic and guilt and anger and shame,
Loneliness and frustration,
Hopelessness and desperation - for control.

Reason fights with anxiety,
Logic buried under uncertainty,
Panic impairs rationality,
And it starts to slip - my sanity.

Fight or flight, I choose to flee,
Run as fast as my legs can carry me,
Adrenaline pumping, body aching,
Away from the danger, back to safety - home.

The mask has fallen off now it's tattered and it's teared,
Total isolation for me now until it can be repaired,
Nobody would understand so I can't let anybody see,
Beneath the mask is just the broken shards of what used to be - Me.

Reviews

[Simon Welsh]

Story of my life. Nicely written; you convey this well.

[Mairead]

Thanks. There's nothing that inspires writing more than a maelstrom of emotions.