Of Being Followed Home

write please read and enjoy

The stone monolith of judgement 

presiding over myopic movements 

casting a glare of rage-red, bleeding

residing restfully, on an ivory balcony 

wherever I seem to go I'm always leading

the shadow of your gavel ever over me, 

like Damocles; I can't stand trial on broken knees

Ideate suicide and violence, stranglehold thoughts don't relent

choking reason, chasing down common sense, my time is spent 

fear is a stronghold, you can hide in it, safe from an open view

it's a choice that's harder to make when only pleasantries are tunneled in front of you

I've lived with anxiety in control, giving my madness a voice was never a conversation piece

eyeballing me for burial in a pigeonhole, exploiting the pressure of this lonely sadness,

isolated, on the outside it's easier to justify peers' peering hatred, give it a rest, social police

I wouldn't raise a hand to you if you were my teacher, self-taught, classless, I've had this

streak of luckless love, always alienated, never exonerated

Never been interesting, patience testing

a patient, temperament foul and festering 

not being all there might be the best thing

daydreams, Elysium reeds in the wind sing

home calls me, that empty lot looks a lot like a golden ring

free to decide on paradise, no longer lifting the weight of dawn

just to see the next day, conscience flowing, glowing outward on

trickling rainfall association, loose-connection, brainstormed concoction

grow and groom personal Yggdrasil, a bonsai tree, in this place

meditate on the realization of the vision, every clipping is a footfall towards grace

persecuted for the image, behavior, for the portrayal 

conceived, thought, written and spoken

every effort to improve serves self-betrayal 

a window into a moment that they look through and then call broken.