Staring Down the Sun

write please read and enjoy

Is this a real reaction or a trained behavior that makes me believe these chemicals work to such an effect

that I light another in a forming chain of cigarettes

while sat on this tabletop, concrete and graffiti, hoping the sun sets

hoping to see that burning bright eye blink and close, that its gaze forgets

and out of Lake Waco a figure only visible to me extends their hand to dance

the offer peaceful, dark, silent, and I accept it, "Let's."

Away past all the happy people with other people

who sit beside them and keep them

away past all the moments and waste

all the chatter falls quiet, they mean nothing for real, for once

away over the grass and over the edge, into the ripples

with the still-lit candle burning at both ends,

ashes falling from my lips, the taste of my life

as I turn to a polluted waste,

washed clean, washed ever, forever away

There hanging in the sky once I open my eyes

feeling a breeze of seven PM on my neck

is the sun, brighter as it dangles lower, orange

and purple, regal and mocking

for but an hour or so I lasted

although, now my sadness evaporated

and now I steer off under falling shadow

smoke scent about my collar

misery, dangerously close to the banks I wallow

this place called home, I go.

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

This seems to be the retelling of a chemically induced experience. The speaker mentions a hallucination of a figure rising out of a lake and extending its hand in an offering to dance. What follows does not sound pleasant, but it does seems to give respite from a humdrum everyday life. In fact, as the speaker emerges from the experience, sadness has gone. However, the last lines inform us of an awareness of the danger of such experiences. The poem reaffirms my dedication to two glasses of red wine a day, and nothing else.

[Evilhappy]

I was stressed out and I drove to a park by the lake.

Somewhat disenfranchised by life and all I'd been feeling that day I had to get away. I started smoking and waiting for the sun to go down. I smoked, and smoked, and as I tilted my head back and daydreamed for a while at this table with a sheet metal roof over me... Covered in all sorts of writing... I wondered about all sorts of things. People used to say cigarettes calmed your nerves, for one. I can take them or leave them, personally.

So I was there and my frustration was falling off of me little by little over time, of course this was a friday night, people began to show up. I was starkly aware of how alone I am, being a somewhat somber person, out here, while all these laughing and hugging types are gathered by the lake. My daydreaming was over, I felt sad, probably looked sad. I smoked one more, barely, before deciding I didn't need it or want it, one of those and then I drove away. I had wanted to leave when it was dark and the sun or my impatience denied me that. I was only slightly less frustrated and all the more depressed when I left. I thought about not going home, knowing the practical dangers of my frame of mind only convinced me further that I had to.

Over my head the hold time there was writing, that I didn't notice until I got up to leave, that I found funny. You might appreciate this, you might not. It said Jesus Vive.

This is all mostly literal, a telling of something mundane to an outside pair of eyes. A man leaves his house, drives to a park beside a lake, sits and smokes for a while, and then drives back. It really happened and there was some emotional context behind it.

I'd share in your wine of affirmation and thank you for your perspective.

[John the Baptist]

Well, you had me fooled. I thought for sure you were on some bum dope trip.

[Evilhappy]

Oh, if only.