How They're Going to Get it

write please read and enjoy

I remember what it’s like

you can’t eat without supervision, going hungry at home

poverty gives the conscience permission

no new clothes, relatives giving me hand me downs

buying goodwill to weasel into my life for a day

when I needed them, where were they?

 

Don’t tell me who I am, how I’m living, don’t ask me loaded questions

if you want me to shoot myself in the foot, or shove my foot in my mouth

I’ll have to unwedge it from your backside, I come to converse armored in the truth

and I’ll accept defeat, leaving an argument saying everything I believe to be factual until I see proof

I remember being cold, I remember living in apartments we could not afford, no AC, sleeping on the floor, stomach rumbling, my big mouth, it was getting old, I’m not sorry it’s not like that anymore, I won’t sell you a pitch

but know you’re going to catch this if you think I’m looking down my nose, that I’m too good for the ditch, I lived in the s**t, it’s where I was born, people you’re so close to seem to know you, and then they go off and show you,

I was too weak to raise my fists the first time I ever felt so pissed

my head-rushed with blood, face-flushed, shoes caked in mud, walk around the grass to get it off, we ain’t wasting water from the hose, I wished my arms were stronger so I could bust (shall remain nameless) in their (faceless) nose, lord knows

I’ve been cussing like they forgot the black bar over my mouth since I first became aware of my surroundings, I was four years old or so, San Angelo, welcome to the South

tornado alley, welcome to my anxiety central around a point and rally, I’d visit grandma in Alabama and fight at the YMCA with kids on Summer Holidays, dad was working all the time, providing, he’s had damn near a hundred jobs, but I can say even when he’d want to punch me out, no doubt, having a good father pays

you tell me about how I was raised, your silver spoon theories are comically large, I remember walking home like the old folks tell you they did, through snow and humid heat, in Texas and Germany, never tell em it was just to save the credit card a tank of gas in the car, hop on the shoelace express and I'd lead charge

People keep coughing up gold about my childhood from out of thin air, I’m trying to be bigger than that, but this s**t shines, I see it and once I get ahold of it I try not to care, it’s the stench that lingers getting to me, I step in these opinions that end up wishing that I’d just left theirs

I'm getting sick of it, being well off, I feel like a junkyard dog eating caviar out a silver bowl for the first time, friends look at me like I’ve never fell off this pedestal they put my whole life up for, I’m not suffering the same way, it’s not a crime

I didn’t inherit my wealth, I don’t even have it, this s**t is a f*****g hazard to my health

I lucked out by having two pair in a stacked deck, my parents actually care, apparently that’s very rare, they learned it’s imperative to work yourself to death for your people and keep hell warm for the ingrates when you get there

lunch table lawyers inquiring about divorces, I’ve taken leather to the mouth for talking back and my private life is still more intact than yours is

never grown-ups in Never Never Land talking like I approach life with two open hands

I never had a silver spoon near me until I could afford it without the debt

you want a story of overcoming, bootstrap pulling, here’s all you’re gonna get

I went hungry, couldn’t afford clothes, was a poor child, had trifling, s**t talking, game playing, backstabbing family, I was lucky smarter people out-preyed the predators out to leverage children against wallets, they held me back for my own safety, sharper knives in that drawer than these bright ideas carried by sharks out to war, until you learn the angles these fish are going for, there were people to protect me and I wouldn’t ask for something more

I’ll pull my bootstraps up, pressing the sole of my whole right foot right down your neck if you ask me about my employment, earning, working, what I do, where and how and cashing checks, I love my friends like my family, but even they look down on me, I’ve been white trash, I was recycled, I’m only a grown man now, what more can I be? What’s next, everybody admires blue collar, I’m a shock collar, I’ll give you everything I can to help you to my last dollar, if you’re real just come over, ask for help, let me shoulder that chip with you, I love ya’ll, all you gotta do is holler

but all I hear lately, is your life is so great, like it always has been

my mind grinds to shut out thoughts, a broken gate, everything I hate and I have it all, a little money is just an invitation to revise history, roast and blister me, pretend like yesterday’s hardships sailed and the horizon they’ve gone over is somehow now a f*****g mystery

I’d burn my money to fuel a future for my brother’s child, at the drop of a dime, I don’t want for anything but peace, love and respect, call on me for it anytime, until then I’ll keep to mine, my morality is out, that’s my conscionable spending-spree; ring me up before the damn bank gets to me.