Pill Yourself

write please read and enjoy

For the faint of heart:

When I was a child I could not sit still

teachers took notice; offense to this

parents took me to the doctor

and we started up that hill

I took my first pill

 

A child of my time and place had no voice

we were hit like adults when we talked like adults

and when we were told to do something we had no choice

 

I was so stiff, I was the comatose mind of a dead child walking

my overactive mind sedated

they said I was intelligent, said they knew my kind

it always felt like there was something about me they hated

I was a first grader who couldn't sit still

and the doctor said give him this pill

 

Bottles rattle in my nightstand drawer on nights like tonight

faces of everyone I've ever loved, shoved into the back and outta sight

I want to forget, you won't go away when you're not even here without a fight

I push and ignore you, I don't even see you, I don't even want to

and still neurons send those fiery messages, torchbearers carry the light

 

Faint of heart, I am feint of heart

I am a duplicitous scoundrel, a monger and mongrel

a disharmonic chorus of voices play their part

stirring me up inside all these people from my past

picking at me, like buzzards who can sense the meal is the death inside

I hear every regret, barbed wire grows from a seed and pours through my mouth at last

the world would not change if I were dead, but in my head

I cannot fight the thought, of all the people whose lives would be better

if they found closure in a suicide letter, knowing it meant that I had died

 

I hear the support now, kicking me and telling me otherwise

the net catching me and telling me reason over lies

and I love them, I hear them, while from the corner of my eyes

my own voice is taunting me, a dead child haunting me

my capacity for evil is my secret to keep,

he warns me when I'm cracking, an animal meant to be in a cage

it's only so long before they start attacking, so take a pill, go to sleep

before your discomfort and disquiet and your madness turns to rage

take a pill, go to sleep

the memory of your younger brother is with you still,

hold me tight and release your pain into the ether

your sister cannot hurt you either,

you are forgotten, but you don't have to forget, maybe you never will

you'll see your older brother, and vicarious pride shall have its fill

do not give up, just go to sleep; take a pill.

Reviews

[Paul Bell]

Have you ever noticed there is a pill for every occasion, and if that pill doesn't work there's another just around the corner, or there's another pill that will complement that pill, but in reality it's just a quick way to get rid of the problem. Yet a bit of joined up thinking might have saved all the heartache.