They Say

They say to be silent

And tell me to sing

They tell me to fly

But then clip my wings

They call me liar

When I repeat what they say

They say to not be seen

Then put me on display

They tell me to dance

But to not move my feet

They break my heart

Then ask it to beat

They break me down

Then expect me to touch the sky

They cut me into pieces

And are shocked when I die

Reviews

[emipoemi]

Holy kwap! Not only is this fantastic, I hear you! I feel you! I relate to this wholeheartedly! Story of my life! Wow! Powerful and profound.
If you'd excuse mind my nitpicking (I can't resist when I see something that could be better, and these suggestions are legit):

-The musicality flows beautifully with the narrative, except in lines 3 and 4 of the second quatrain which in Line 3 "to" and "not" should be "not to" (because the down beat sounds better on "not" than on "to"), while in Line 4, though "put on a display" is ok, and the line still reads well, saying "put on display" is also grammatically correct, and it also helps the musicality a little. The musicality is especially wonky in Line 2 of the las quatrain. Too many words are trying to be recited in a short amount of time. To help the musicality and still say what you want to say, might I suggest something like this: "They break me down, then say 'aim for the sky'.

- "put to don't move my feet"?? I think you're meaning to say simply "not" and not "don't", correct?

This is otherwise marvellous. You prove to have a gift for the written word. Don't stop what you're doing (only be careful as you're doing it). Well done!

[Evelynn]

Thank you, and I tend to just write in the moment and not edit until after I post so most of my writings have a lot of grammatical errors, but I am working on that, well I'm trying to work on that.

[Hbrook]

AMAZING!!! This is a great poem!!!

[Evelynn]

Thank you!

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the logic of your words Evelynn. People, do double-talk. Leaving you confused. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry. I liked this one.
Coyote

[Evelynn]

Thank you!

[Coyote Poetry]

Nice twist of words and you are welcome Evelynn.

[Evelynn]

Thanks! :)

[McEltic]

Sounds like you’ve undergone a tax audit... enjoyed your thoughts in this piece

[Evelynn]

hahaha, and thanks

[Desiree O'Neal]

woww this is really short but amazing, it really hit me. I loved it.

[Evelynn]

Thanks, that means a lot to me! :)

[H L Rose]

I’m in love with the sentiment in this, and the way you protrayed it. I think this is similar to a parallelism technique that I’ve been looking into. You’ve pitted the lines against each other very well.

As far as constructive criticism goes, I may suggest taking another look at line 10, I’m not sure you meant “put to don’t”, something like “but to not” may sound better.

Also line 12 may work better grammatically as “ask” instead of “asks”.

But those things aside, I really enjoyed this!

[Evelynn]

Thank you, and I just caught that too. I have a really bad tendency to not edit things, until after I post them.

[H L Rose]

Don’t worry I get it! I seriously can’t grammar, so I get it!