.......wow.......I'm having a hard time to say any more......wow.......
If I may make a small suggestion: replacing "but" in the final line with "now" adds for more power. I strongly suggest you consider that. Other than that, this is beautiful. Well done!
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
I agree that replacing "but" with "now" would add more power. I chose but because of the fact that i.. read moreI agree that replacing "but" with "now" would add more power. I chose but because of the fact that it's not powerful. The final line is more of a release, a "I have to to do this, I don't want to, but I must," rather than a "I can do this, I'm doing this" If that makes sense.
Normally with the last line, you want to be as powerful as possible.....but now that I read it again.. read moreNormally with the last line, you want to be as powerful as possible.....but now that I read it again, I don't recall the line "but not my last" being written that way.....My comment was made 5 months ago (wow!), and I honestly have no idea what I meant exactly in saying that. For the two "But"'s are actually good sound-wise, and I understand what you're saying regarding the "release". Keep it the way it is. The poem is fantastic overall. My opinion on it doesn't change a bit.
6 Years Ago
Thanks! Sorry it took me so long to reply( I mean 5 months), I was and then I had to do something an.. read moreThanks! Sorry it took me so long to reply( I mean 5 months), I was and then I had to do something and I completely forgot. And thank you again. :)
I enjoy the simplicity of your work. First loves are usually dedications of ignorance or innocence and sometimes both. I laugh to hear people say they'd like to "fall in love". In my mind, love is hard work, responsibility and sacrifice. And I don't hear of many folks standing in line to offer those things freely. And love has to be free or it isn't love at all...it's just a trade. I told my brother I was going to have tee shirts printed with that slogan: Love is: Hard Work, Responsibility and Sacrifice. He advised me that I'd not be able to sell many and almost none to the "under fifty" crowd. I guess it's a thing we all must learn in time.
Thanks. And you're right love is hard work. No matter how many times you've been in love, it doesn't.. read moreThanks. And you're right love is hard work. No matter how many times you've been in love, it doesn't get easier, not really.
6 Years Ago
I can honestly say I've loved many people through the years but never stopped loving any of them...e.. read moreI can honestly say I've loved many people through the years but never stopped loving any of them...even the ones I've lost. The loss is the hardest thing to bear. I don't think it's meant to be easy...but it can be rewarding. Still amazed by by the love I have received in my own life...every day.
6 Years Ago
I don't think that after loving someone, you can just stop loving them, no matter how long it was. W.. read moreI don't think that after loving someone, you can just stop loving them, no matter how long it was. While, i think, after a while, you'll stop feeling as much heartache, you will still love them.
this is great.. it captures the fondness for recollecting a chapter in someones life.. I wish I could be as positive about myself like that.. you sound so free of regret
.......wow.......I'm having a hard time to say any more......wow.......
If I may make a small suggestion: replacing "but" in the final line with "now" adds for more power. I strongly suggest you consider that. Other than that, this is beautiful. Well done!
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
I agree that replacing "but" with "now" would add more power. I chose but because of the fact that i.. read moreI agree that replacing "but" with "now" would add more power. I chose but because of the fact that it's not powerful. The final line is more of a release, a "I have to to do this, I don't want to, but I must," rather than a "I can do this, I'm doing this" If that makes sense.
Normally with the last line, you want to be as powerful as possible.....but now that I read it again.. read moreNormally with the last line, you want to be as powerful as possible.....but now that I read it again, I don't recall the line "but not my last" being written that way.....My comment was made 5 months ago (wow!), and I honestly have no idea what I meant exactly in saying that. For the two "But"'s are actually good sound-wise, and I understand what you're saying regarding the "release". Keep it the way it is. The poem is fantastic overall. My opinion on it doesn't change a bit.
6 Years Ago
Thanks! Sorry it took me so long to reply( I mean 5 months), I was and then I had to do something an.. read moreThanks! Sorry it took me so long to reply( I mean 5 months), I was and then I had to do something and I completely forgot. And thank you again. :)