A Small World - A Lot Of Mixed Emotions

Just thoughts on why the hell we're here.

If you stand in Central Park, you can watch the leaves on trees die. Then be born again. And then die once more. If only life was so continual. The psychos all believe it will end soon, the crazies believe we're all going to hell, and the normal ones just don't give a f**k and write stupid poems like this one.

I don't know what it feels like to stand in Central Park.
I don't know what it feels like to stand in Central Park long enough to watch the leaves ritual.
I don't know what it feels like to stand in Central Park to care about those stupid. Damned. Leaves.

New York is scary. I don't say this in a way of the people are scary. I don't say this in a way of the big-city-ness is scary. No, I say this in a way that show's I've never left this desolate little place where society has suction cupped my butt to my desk chair and forced a pen in my hand to fill out applications to college and scholarships to pay for the college that the government should be able to pay for.... But can't. Thanks a heap, O!

My life isn't like a leaf, I don't come and go. Unless my life is work because... That's all I do. 6 AM, open shop, 2 PM, leave shop, sleep for 4 hours, go back in at 6 because my manager has another 'headache' and needs me to do the close. Thanks for doing all the hard work, Mary! Thanks a lot! I enjoy getting paid minimum wage to clean the mess you and every other mess-maker makes!

I like exclamation points. They express me. Just look at it.
!
No. Don't just glance at it. Look at it.

!

Alone. You see, an exclamation point is normal. It's like an i. Just a little upside down. I really like exclamation points, they define, express, and pull the meaningless crap I call my non-socializing life into one tiny, itsy bitsy bit of ink on a printed paper. Or a couple pixels on a screen depending how you're reading this.

So, is it worth it?
Life?

Is an exclamation point, taking in that last closing hour, never seeing a city larger than the 4,000 population town you've never been out of except on school field trips worth it? Is it all worth this damn ! ?

Well, go.
Go to Central Park.
Stand by the Balto statue, put your hand on the base and look up.
Look up at the trees and the leaves.
Look at the life and death of recurring nightmares.
And remember the lives of leaves don't last forever.
But at least... You have a chance to live out yours.

!