Empty Spaces

Why does it have to be this way
Derived from hatred
Loving without commitment

Loss of love
Loss of hope
Loss of sanity

Storms in my head
Raging inferno
Poisoning my thoughts

No warmth but my own
Empty spaces that should be filled
Coffee pot always half empty

I sip the cloudy water
Searching for answers at the bottom
Pour me my fortune

Blinking cursor
Waiting to write me a new beginning
Keyboard broken

Emotions squandered
The bread went bad
We went bad

I died of a broken heart that night
When our love went stale
Now I am here alone

 

Author's Note

Please be brutally honest

Reviews

[Matthew Kult]

Hello EverEmma,

I took a look at your reviews before writing my own, and I apologize for that, it's becoming a bad habit. I am partially going to agree with Scatterbrain, no this is not Uninteresting, it is indeed interesting but it is a bit generic.

I don't blame you for that. I blame popularity in the writing style. That being said I like how you livened it up a bit with the formats.

Now the writing and words themselves were excellent, like Poppy I enjoyed the imagery, I enjoyed the little path you took me on and I related to most of what you said....sorry I don't drink Coffee. You did an outstanding job with word use and flow. Be proud.

Always,

Matthew

[Daniel Gardner]

"Blinking cursor
Waiting to write me a new beginning
Keyboard broken"

i liked that line. sometimes life feels like that. like everything's in our hands waiting for us to write our story, to fix what needs to be fixed... but we can't. not bad at all.

[Dinesh Sairam]

To be 'brutally honest', I'd say this is well below 'very nice'. But I liked

"No warmth but my own
Empty spaces that should be filled
Coffee pot always half empty"

Keep writing.

[Jeff Bresee]

Again. I think this works nicely. The use of variables as you write is quite effective and the wording is perfect. Just enough to make me think.

[Tate Morgan]

Emma I think it would be cool to see if you can produce total sentences of these thoughts . and then make them sing melodically up and down with the rhyme .That is what makes others feel and compare to you their own lives in so doing they attach to your work to find the key to open their emotions like the way a smell relives a time and memory

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this poem. Your many statements were unique and strong.
"Derived from hatred
"Loving without commitment"
"Storms in my head
Raging inferno
Poisoning my thoughts"
A poem with great words create some wild visions. A outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[SimplyDisastrous]

Sorry I haven't reviewed anything for you in awhile.


When I read this I couldn't help but feel this growing sense of sadness in the pit of my stomach. I felt as if you were calling out to me, calling out for the help that you didn't get. I can relate to this piece a little. I'm sure we all can at one point or another. Exceptionally well job on this, Emma. You never cease to amaze me.

[Sarah J. Kelleher]

Very visual, I liked how I could imagine the scenes in every stanza. I also liked how you explored different "opinions" (for lack of a better word, really) and fonts. I think that if you post this anywhere else though, that you should save a copy of this version with these same fonts, because they definitely give this piece a new dimension.
As well written as this is, I could compare it to many poems I have written myself. (Not to accuse you of plagiarism or anything! Those are all unpublished anyway!) It really is a popular genre, even if the subject is not one any of us are exactly fond of...

I'm still sticking with the good imagery and visual, I don't really have anything (legitimately) negative to say about this. :)

[Ruth]

I love the imagery here in this piece love:)
Particularly the unobviousness to it! The bread and the partnership going bad, each line bleeding into another, great job!
Excellent piece that flows with melancholy in a unique manner!
Wonderful poem
xx

[KaySea]

very nice