Falling

I'm falling in a downwards spiral

I'm out of control

Inches from the line

Drowning with my own consent

Crying at my window

Helpless, beyond reach

Trapped inside a jar

Pounding on the walls

Yelling without sound

Inaudible

I see all

No one sees me

Through closed doors

I run amuck

But on the outside I'm smiling

Manic laughter

Eating away inside

On the edge

emma

Author's Note

Please review, thank you. Please be brutally honest but not disrespectful.

Reviews

[scatterbrain]

brutally honest:
"
I'm falling in a downwards spiral
I'm out of control
Inches from the line

Drowning with my own consent
Crying at my window
Helpless, beyond reach"
i am over these sorts of lines on this website. the over-emotional press junket of a day in a teenager's life. way too many windows on this website into those sorts of lives.

not sure why you put your name at the bottom of the poem? if that isn't meant to be in the poem, then get it outta there :/

"Inaudible
I see all
No one sees me"
inaudible: (adjective) not loud enough to be heard; not audible

so how does that word fit in with I see all/No one sees me (which is more of that teenage stuff i was talking about. i'm all for individualism, but not when you're "whining" about your own.)

okay. that was my brutally honest critique. the most b. honest i've ever been with someone here. i'm not trying to be disrespectful. all of my critiquing was to your work, and there is no way i can judge your writing from poem alone.
actually, i've looked at several poems and this was the one i think needed the most... constructive criticism. what i pointed out are just stepping stones. kill the bad habits and everything will just come to you (except i didn't have some a*****e pointing out all of mine; sorry).

i'll go find a poem to praise you for ;)

[sammyj]

wow, nice. let yourself fall.

[kinetrix]

I love 'Falling'. The sentence and stanza structure gives a sense of desperation which is all the more stark by your choice of words. The metaphor used in verses 3 and 4 speak very loudly yet, ironically the point being made is the inability to be heard. Brilliant.

[SimplyDisastrous]

Excellent, excellent write you have here. My favorite lines are "Drowning with my own consent
Crying at my window
Helpless, beyond reach".

Good job!

[Mia]

This is an excellent poem! I really love your word choices. I agree that this is a topic that is often used, but you made it your own. I just want to say that as much as I like the font choice, it is very pretty, but I think it's just slightly distracting from your poem. I think it is very unique though, it is not a font you will find often.

[Wolfwind Words]

You're word choice's are superb! While trapped chaos and sorrow are a common place theme. I think your piece is more individualistic. Not only in the style of font, but in the flow and way you express emotions.
What I really like about this piece, is that one could make three very distinct poems by putting together all the first lines of each stanza, second lines and third lines together.
The piece has many angles that open up a view into the mind and heart of the poet.

Great Ink E!
Hugs!
Wolfie

[Cadence Killday]

I really like your language you use. i really got pulled into this poem and could really feel it. it was very very good, but honestly i think it was kind of generic, and it'd been done before.