Rain

A young girl is bored with her poster board for the perfect family lifestye

                The gentle rurring of the rain filled my head. It bounced off it's walls and made me want to rip my hair out. But, yet I loved it. It was the only way to drown out the sadness, the fear, the anxiety. I rested my forehead against the window and sighed. My long black hair slipped from behined my ears and curtained my face. I heard the clang of pots and pans from the kitchen. My mother was cooking dinner. I sighed, knowing my cue was coming soon and stood up from my sanctuary. I fluffed the pillows on the window seat and slowly made my way out of my room. I took each step slowly, hesitating with foot in air.   

 

                 Surely enough, as soon as I reached the final stair, my mother called me to come and set the table. She was in her usual attire; a sleeveless polo, a navy skirt, black sensible shoes, and her grandmother's pearls strung regally around her pale neck. The familiar creak of the silverware drawer greeted me like it has for the last 10 years. I set three place settings on the square table, placed the vase of fake dasies on the silver and china bureau, and adjusted the tablecloth. My father walked in the door said hello, pecked mother on the cheek and patted me on the back. We're not a very affectionate family.

 

                 

 

                      

Author's Note

Please tell me if you want to hear more, I would greatly appreciate that. And if you come upon any grammatical errors, please point them out to me and I will fix them.

GO TO MY BOOK RAIN TO READ MORE!! THIS WAS JUST A BEGINNING.

Reviews

[scatterbrain]

WOW! now THIS i am entirely impressed with. i dislike those brisk poems, with three-words-per-line and half of them filled with negative connotation. but this... prose! you write WONDERFULLY! f**k poetry! this is your craft! barely ANY mistakes, and such a coherent voice! there are a few things that i can definitely "b***h" about, but as the third thing i've ever read from you, i am thoroughly blown away. wonderful job! :)

[Alexandre Olivier]

I can really feel this character
You do a great job of not saying too much and leaving things to description!

Keep writing! Its a journey that can feel long but is worth it.

[Mia]

I think that where it leaves off is pretty much the end of the paragraph. I think it should be continued, this is more like the first two paragraph's in the chapter. It would be better if it was longer. It was an amazing start, you had a great choice of words. I'd really like to see it continued.

Keep writing!,

Mia

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

A wonderful start, I want to read more.............

[Rain]

intersting read
"hesitating with foot in air."
i think it sounds better is it's:
"hesistating with each foot in the air."

hehe, just a sugesstion.
hmm...i wonder what the storyline of this piece is...continue writing?

[deeps]

I would love to read more of this. I like so far. I didn't see any typo's at all.
It looks wonderful and read so well.