The Blooming: The rose

A body was pinned to the ground; it was the body of a young woman. In the short time she gained consciousness, all of her senses were heightened; her vision was pitch black, but she could perceive everything around her like never before, for fear was instilled in her heart fluttering like a bird trying to escape for dear life, her lungs filled up rapidly and blood coursed her veins as her body was trying to prove it is alive; in the darkness she pictured the white flash of the thundering sky, the howling wind brushing against shaking tree bushes, every rain drop that fell on her cheeks, the cold water stream seeping through her red dress, the smell of nourished grass and fresh mud under her fingernails.

Though her heart never beat as fast, it almost stopped suddenly for one thing that made her petrified more than all that obscurity; a heavy warm presence. It was so warm brushing against her body, almost super fluid and mercurial in substance, gentle and bright radiating with brilliance and grace like a crystal. It spoke to her in mellow yet strange sound she did not understand, like a singing whale.

It was almost as if time has stopped and everything happened at the same time. Though terror paralyzed her ability, her instincts widened her eye sockets, her fingers cringed when she felt something burning making its way up through her entire body to her throat. It felt like voice cords being ripped apart by someone’s invisible hand in her mouth and burning her up and making her sweat feverishly. All while her perceptions were rewinding in her mind like someone hit the back of her head bursting up questions no one can afford to think about in her state; questions that made her feel extreme anger and horrifying confusion.

“Why do I feel relieved?”

“What is it that I cannot remember?”

It was a sudden agonizing pain no human can bear, which became slower and slower as time went by. It was a slow process of something shutting down. She slowly began to feel the numbness in her finger tips to her limbs to her chest. She couldn’t sense anything anymore; not the sharp wind or the piercing pebbles beneath. Everything that surrounded her felt like white rays reflecting hints of color and her mind became empty and clear, like a white board untouched and lacking. The only thought she knew was “I am an existence.”

She opened a pair of green eyes, not that they were there or were hers. It was as if she conjured up their existence and did the same with her body. She stood on pale bare feet and long slender legs. She felt light and graceful. She opened her palm and found a red-blood rose, which thorns were piercing through her flesh, and for the first time she felt what she wanted to feel; supreme happiness as she shed a tear and thought. “I must walk.” She did not know why or how, but it was the only thing that felt normal and familiar like a far-off memory in the back of her mind blurry and barely there.

She followed it with hope unknowingly conjuring up a place; A full moon, a dark forest welcoming a storm and small water stream, which on lay a young woman in her twenties, wearing an elegant yet simple red dress. She stared at her with no expression, her brown hair flowing up and down against a large stone, her striking blue eyes wide open and her skin taking a white bluish shade. She was drenched in blood, which flowed down the stream from her chest turning the water red. Next to her lay seven fresh red roses. They were carefully arranged in orderly fashion. Every petal was still intact and every root was delicately cut.

“Eve.” she said.

She did not know who this woman was, or how she came upon her name. All she wanted was to sit beside her lifeless fragile body and hold her hand. She wanted to grieve for her, but she remembered.

“I must keep walking.” She thought.

Reviews

[Agyani]

Eve, this is an amazing little tale told with such brilliance and skill. There was so much to like here!
The first paragraph itself had me in awe; a perfect example of 'show and don't tell'. You made me feel like the character, for I discovered the surroundings just like she did. To be honest, I could even feel the strong and confusing emotions she felt later on in the story, and that's all because of your immaculate writing.

Because I liked it so much and found it so moving, I want to let you know how I think you can make it even better.

her fingers cringed when she felt something burning making its way up through her entire body to her throat..... I think you can rephrase this sentence to help rouse the effect better

but it was the only thing that felt normal and familiar like a far-off memory in the back of her mind blurry and barely there.....
She followed it with hope unknowingly conjuring up a place.....
- Both of these could maybe use a comma or two to improve their readability.

I just hope you continue this story further. You could leave it as it is right now, but I would love to see how you take it further if you decide to do so, just becaue I would really like to read more of such a beautiful story, and read more of such masterful writing!