My Wife

A Story by Evelyn

Life's struggles

The wardrobe was wide open. The clothes inside showed the character of the owner. Another addition to it would have made it all tumble down. Such was the clumsiness of that big wardrobe. The pink bath towel was thrown on the wooden double bed that had an olive green bedspread which had not been attended to for days. The new dressing table didn’t look new anymore. The mirror had stains made of powder and lipstick. The perfume spray was left open to evaporate. A used cotton bud was seen fallen out of the dustbin, which was already to the brim. Two pairs of ladies shoes were scattered on the floor making everyone to trip on them.

The only thing that looked neat and tidy was the book shelf. It was always clean. It had the exact number of books it could contain. It was the only item in the room that was dusted, that was taken care of, that got attention, more than anything else living in the house.

If you wished to know the owner of this messy house, I would like to introduce her as my beloved wife Sophie.

Sophie my wife was only thirty �" seven. Yet she looked like my elder sister, when she was at home. The ones who saw her at home, would never recognize her if they met her out. She didn’t care what people thought of her, whilst she thought only of books. She read books. She adored books. She spoke of books. She dreamt of books. She lived with books. She spoke to them; loved them; cared for them; and thought they loved her too. That was Sophie my wife.

“Mama, mama...............I am hungry mama”

“Ask Agnes, she will give you” was Sophie’s regular response.

Agnes was our old domestic helper, who was more than just a helper at home.

“Mama, I need your help with my homework”

“Where is Dada, you ask him Shane” would be the next.

“Mama you haven’t signed my record book?” that will be our youngest son.

“Oh, these children. You will never leave me in peace. Why can’t you ask me when I am free? Am I the only one living in this house?” the usual words which make Sophie to throw her book aside with annoyance. But, the book will stay aside for not more than quarter of an hour.

Michelle, Shane and Jeremy were our three kids. I am not sure if Sophie remembered it well. But the kids remembered their mother all the time. And this remembrance irritated the mother so much, that she would lock her door and fill her ears with two little balls of cotton wool.

I had met Sophie at a dinner dance. She looked dazzling that day in her royal red backless dress, which showed her fair skin. Her top knot and the high heeled red shoes that went together with the dress, made her elegant. Then my Sophie was Twenty �" Four. Everything that I saw and heard of Sophie was nice, until I paid an unexpected visit to her home one rainy afternoon.

The crumpled night dress was a sky blue one which had little white tulips all over. The curly locks were falling down the shoulders making it look like black wool. Her drowsy eyes were lingering on the book that was resting between her thighs. She was seated on a big cane chair with her legs lifted and resting on the edges of the chair.

I stood there silently �" looking closely at her. Now I could see her face well. For a moment I wondered if it was the woman I loved. Her unwashed face was dull and tired. It showed that she had been reading a lot. A lot, that she hadn’t found the time to tidy herself. Moments passed by. Yet she didn’t see me. I knew she loved books. But I never could imagine a woman at this age, so much engrossed to her reading, forgets her man standing near to her. But Sophie was such a woman.

That was when Mrs. Fernandez appeared from the living room towards the open veranda, shaking her hefty body to and fro.

“Hello Frank ............ this is so unexpected ....... Come come” she greeted me with a wide smile. My head turned swiftly, while at the same time I heard a nervous and excited Sophie jumping out of her chair with alarm.

“He.....hel.......hel.....hello aunty” my words stammered.

“Are you alright Frank? Isn’t Sophie there?”

I turned towards the shocked Sophie, who quickly came to her senses and ran inside the house murmuring “Excuse me”.

Mrs. Fernandez felt slightly embarrassed at her daughter’s state. She knew everything about her daughter. She knew her clumsy and untidy behaviour. She knew how her daughter covered herself with extra make-up to make herself look attractive. She knew how her daughter sprayed bottles of perfumes to hide the bad fragrance that came from her body, when she felt lazy to have regular baths. Today everything was revealed to Frank, she must have thought. Everything about Sophie was revealed to me.

“Why don’t you sit, son” Mrs. Fernandez too fitted her heavy body into to one of those cane chairs.

I wanted to make it easy for Aunt Jane.

“How are you aunty? Where is uncle? Guess he is in the Library as usual.”

“Oh yes son. Father and daughter are the same.” Her voice sounded distressed.

“I am sorry aunty; I wanted to make it a surprise to Sophie. Hope it was ok.... I mean my coming.” I said it with some softness trying to make Aunt Jane comfortable.

“Of course it is ok Frank; you are welcome home at any time. You should not be apologizing.”

There was silence there. Aunt Jane was looking towards the garden. She loved gardening. The roses were of all varieties and colours. There the pink April lilies here and there. She gazed at it as if she saw it for the first time.

I was seated there watching everything; pulling my fingers through the gaps between the cane weaving of the chairs. There was nothing else that I could do.

“Do you still want to marry her Frank?” Aunt Jane must have been thinking about this while pretending to watch her garden. I was surprised with the question.

“Why do you ask so aunty? Yes I have not changed my decision. I think I could change her behaviour. Once she is married and has kids, she will have to change, isn’t it aunty?”

“Thank you son. I was worried if you would change your mind after seeing her in this state. She is always like this. I don’t want to hide anything about her. I have tried so hard to make a proper woman, but have given up. I believe you could do it.”

I wasn’t sure if I could, I thought. How could I? But I loved Sophie truly, and didn’t want to lose her for the sake of her ways. So I decided to marry her anyway.

A clean and fresh Sophie entered. She looked shy. She stood leaning to the door.

“Hi Sophie, why do you stand? Sit will you. I was waiting for you.” I tried to make her feel easy.

Aunty Jane stood up and offered her chair to Sophie, announcing that she will come again with a good cup of coffee for me. She knew I liked coffee and not tea.

Jeremy’s hug disturbed my thoughts. Jeremy had the habit of hugging my neck from behind and biting my ears. It was painful at times. But he was my son. I knew that my children were not getting attention from their mother. The idea of changing her ways remained just an idea during the twelve-years. In fact I had got used to this life; maybe I too took it for granted. But the kids had problems all the time with their mother. I had to solve this, I thought. But how?

I handed over the papers to Sophie, finding the right moment when she was in the kitchen preparing some food. She looked at me with her brows up, as if to ask what they were. My silence made her to go through it.

She sat still. She didn’t show any signs of surprise. I wondered if she had been expecting this sooner.

Her hands stretched for the ball point pen that was placed inside the small vase on the pantry top that held some flowers. She steadily signed it. I wanted to know what she felt; I wanted to know if she really agreed to it; I wanted to see her expressions; I wanted her to speak; I wasn’t sure if she was happy or sad. She handed over the signed papers with a blank face. She didn’t mention a word. It gave me pain. It gave me guilt. I felt she had gone miles away from me that moment. Was she near to me these twelve years? I had no answers to my questions. But I realized that I had lost something.

She never argued to have the children with her. She just continued to agree to the decisions taken by me. Maybe she felt free. Was it this freedom that she had been longing for these twelve years? I will never know the answer.

The kids found it difficult. But the court had decided. They will see their mother once a week. She stood at the entrance to bid us goodbye. But today she looked different. Today she was dressed in a blue dress which made her look younger than usual. Her hair was neatly combed. I saw my young Sophie today. I wanted to turn back. I wanted to run to her. I wanted to embrace her in my arms. But it was too late now.

“Goodbye” I said to myself.