Replaying the feelings of tuesday evening

This a poem, full of anxiety, insecurity, anger etc during a bad day for someone with borderline. It's feels very rough, bitter and hard hitting. It doesn't leave you feeling good at the end I think.

There is a pressure on my chest, I feel it in my breaths

I want the cold to stroke my head as I stand in it's depths

My tears are cleaned and I don't hear my screams

as I sleep without sensation in the quiet

I need you to help me remember, why I keep feeling

Crush me in your arms, melt me with your warmth

hold me with your strength so I can't escape, Wait

Stop taking care of me, trust me to be taken care of by you

not even I trust my own thoughts, not anymore, not yet

My smiles can be expensive, and you pay for them

Love me loudly and quietly or you'll regret it, I'm so pathetic

stop talking to me, turn off your sounds, shut the f**k up

every word you say is wrong, how can you feel that when I'm upset

I've looked in my magnify mirror and I have the Best view of ugly

should I like what I've written, it will belong to you

all my feelings, my thoughts, like your collar around my neck

Leave me alone, before you leave me, alone, stay away, don't go

I love, you, love me, I hope, you like me, why? are you happy?

it's hard to see how you could be, with those tears streaming down your-

Hit Me till it stops hurting me and starts hurting you, Clear My mind

or sit by me, till you can tell me you recognise your lover

and I can stay in bed, for a long long long time