LONG AWAITEDA Poem by Eva BielbyLONG AWAITED!
It happened weeks too early Something was wrong I knew it when the pains started. Hours later, after all the pain… No babe in arms. Three weeks…dead in my womb… How had I not realised? Utter devastation… The questions…did I want to see my baby girl? Did I want to hold her? A funeral? I couldn’t think straight… No! No! And….NOOOOOO!!!! If I didn’t see...if I didn’t cuddle… I couldn’t hurt…I told myself.
A year later, Thirty-seven weeks pregnant… and the pains started early. She had been moving… I’d felt her moving, She would be okay… But tragedy struck once more My new hope was gone… Too tiny and weak to fight The course of labour, a hard one. Heartbroken, bewilderment… Why me? Why my babies? The questions again… No! No! And yet again….NOOOO!!! I can’t hurt if I keep saying no….! I kept reminding myself… It’ll hurt too much…say no…keep saying no!
Years later…the regret… Did it stop the hurt? I keep saying no. I try…and fail…to picture faces that I never saw… Images I’ve tried to conjure… But they remain elusive… Those tiny features The ones I chose not to see They won’t come to me… Hard as I try, those visions pass me by The one and only hug from a mummy They would never know… Deprived of that one touch, that tender moment… But the intangible bond remains… The love that never left me… The tears I’ve shed alone… And the yearning goes on… The hurt never diminished… Maybe they will wait for me… And my despair will be pride When I see my beautiful angels… And finally fold my wings around them… A mother’s hug… Long awaited….
© Eva Bielby 2017
© 2018 Eva BielbyFeatured Review
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2 Reviews Added on November 6, 2018 Last Updated on November 6, 2018 Tags: #sadness #heartbreak Author
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