Enter the Stranger: Barbara Anderson

It was an extremely dark and stormy night, a night that holds those who truly long for adventure away fom their own front lawn prisoners from their own home.  But for the residents at 49 Bohampsher Drive, it was the perfect time to party with a bucket filled with popcorn and carefully selected chick flicks in their spacious living room.

"Hey Clarissa, turn up the volume.  I can't hear a single thing on this television," hollered Henrietta from the kitchen. Clarissa, along with her four sisters: Jenny, Rachel, Henrietta, and Christie, were all eagerly enraptured by the movie "Clueless".  Every so often they'd see a handsome guy on the screen and they'd swoon.  Or scream. 

"Too bad none of the guys in our high school are this good looking..." Jenny smirked.  "Did you see the twins Rodney and Robert today?  They looked like they've never been shopping anywhere but the thrift store."

Suddenly, three sharp knocks echoed from the main door.  Rachel jumped five feet from where she sat.

"Who goes there?  The rain's coming down hard and anyone who's outside right now is plainly bonkers," she wondered aloud.  The other sisters were all thinking just about the same thing when Christie broke the silence.

"Whoever it is, we can't just leave them outside."  She walked across the hallway and opened the door.  Everyone was shocked.   There, out in the rain, stood a teenage girl with at least three pounts of mascara and a truckload of foundation running down her face. 

"Who...who are you?" They all asked in unison.

"I'm Barbara.  Barbara Anderson.  Your sixth sister."  

 

 

Reviews

[Michael Pepperino]

Hmm this is quite interesting. It seemed a bit rushed though just as O. Ragnarok said. You could try to make some paragraphs and start a new line for the conversations to make it easier to read. Maybe you can include a bit more about the party and the sisters enjoying themselves before having the knock at the door. But so far this story seems to have a good start and I'm curious to see what will happen next. Keep it up.

[juwinahaftner]

This is the most amazing story I have ever read. So beautifully done, and grabbing my attention immediately. I hope that you will continue, and keep writing. by the way, theres a grammatical error where they oooh and ahhh, it should be they ooohed and aaaaaahhed ( even tho those aren't real words) HAPPY WRITING AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

[O. Ragnarok]

Well, that was interesting. You packed a lot into these few, short paragraphs. Almost too much, seeing as how you just randomly threw names at it, hoping someone would stand out. Then again, with the length you have here, i don't really expect anyone to be particularly standout-ish yet.
Here are a few complaints: 1). Rushing. This is going too fast. You need to slow down a bit and show what things are. Don't list details like names, show things for what they are when we need to know them. Slow things down a bit! 2). Dialogue. While there wasn't much of it here, ther was one line in particular that was, for lack of a better term, horrendus. ""Who could it be at this time? The torrent's coming down hard and anyone who's outside right now would be just insane,"" The torrent's coming down hard? What kind of person says that? I don't even think the word torrent comes into my thoughts 90% of the time...
But that's neither here nor there. You have some good things going for you here, too:
1). Concept. I like the idea of a random stranger who's lived a seemingly hard life coming to live with five girls that seem pretty comfy in things. The possibilities are nearly limitless. 2). Cliffhanger. I like how you ended the chapter. If not for the fact that it was so damn short, I'd say that was really nice.