Lost Love - A Villanelle

This is a 19 line poem with a specific rhyming scheme aba aba aba aba aba abaa.The 1st & 3rd lines in the 1st stanza are repeated in alternating order throughout the poem & appear in the last 2 lines.

My love is gone I cannot think.

Split in two, my heart’s been cleft,

now I’m standing on the brink.

 

She was gone as quick as a blink

My pain mute testimony to her theft.

My love is gone I cannot think.

 

The sweet honey that lover’s drink

turned foul and feted; I am bereft!

Now I’m standing on the brink.

 

Her eyes so bright her lips so pink,

A wit so quick a mind so deft,

my love is gone I cannot think.

 

I tried to put the pen to ink

thoughts weighed down to hard to heft,

now I’m standing on the brink.

 

There’s nothing of my heart to shrink

A blackened hole is all that’s left

My love is gone I cannot think

now I’m standing the brink.

Author's Note

I looked up different poetry styles and thought I'd give this a try. Let me know what you think if you please.

Reviews

[black.butterfly]

I like it. the poem over all is really good.
some lines have been a bit forced to rhyme but didnt come off too strong.
however, the structure is good and the words choice is clever.
You could make other rhyme schemes like ABAB CDCD to add something more and make it flow better.

[Brenda Scott]

Lovely

[Gandré]

This is wonderful, almost a rondeau, the repetitions worked. Rondeau is this: rondeau /'rnd/
noun (PL. rondeaux PRONUNC. same or /-z/)
a poem of ten or thirteen lines with only two rhymes throughout and with the opening words used twice as a refrain.

ORIGIN
early 16th cent. : French, later form of rondel (seerondel).


I enjoyed the innocence within your poem and yet it had a sensual touch. (Apropos, great you get access to this website from Abu Dhabi, there is a friend from Dubai and he can't access it, it sounds like UAE block it.)

[Constance-Outspoken]

Did you mean, in the line above "Thoughts weighed down too hard to heft,"?
If you reread carefully I think you may find a bit of missed meter in two places, perhaps.
Other than that, it's a great villanelle. I like experimenting with forms. It's like putting an intricate puzzle together.