Just Another Ocean Of Tears

A friend of mine on this website, Paige Seduction, wanted me to write something for her, so I did.

Waves crashed against the seashore

The sweet smell of the ocean was intoxicating to the shore's inhabitant

With a cool and soft breeze

Gentle kisses place themselves on her cold cheek

 

The woman in black drank the smell

Her nose delighted by the scent

But her eyes were filled with demanding tears

The past left her with no endurance

 

Cruelty sinks deeply in present life

Leaving us with bloody feet that cry crimson tears

Dragging forever in a line that can never go straight

Jagged cuts across the ground's surface

 

With hands curled in the sand

And her feet buried under the land's tan blanket

She cried for herself and for another

A love story filled with tears for the mass to laugh at

 

Author's Note

A mixture of gifts and my own personality.

Reviews

[kayBiE]

You are a good writer

[kayBiE]

You are a good writer

[Brittany]

Excellent! Of course I could just be biasied. :) Honestly I think you do a great job with imagery. Well done, friend. I enjoyed, and I'm touched you took my suggestion.

[Midnight Wolf]

simply beautiful

[Jim Pike]

I might have tried the last line like this: " 'twixt unknown laughter, love's tears as they fell"
A very emotional piece. Nicely done.

[Cathy Wattam]

A very descriptive piece here, nicely written. I particularly like the second stanza - superb!

I just wondered if the last line would read better as - "A love story filled with tears for the masses to laugh at"? Just a thought. Keep writing, you have immense potential.

[*~*Butterfly Kisses*~*]

A dark, but nicely written write. Enjoyed this piece.