Dead End

This is actually a little piece of history in my life that I can actually remember (I can remember very little of my past, and in a way, I'm glad I can't.)

            The rock crumbled into the abyss as my toes curled around the black material. My breath was still, ready to leap forward into the cold and dark canyon that I have found for my grave. It seems that the path of life wanted to throw some obstacles in my way. It just laughed as my feet walked through the burning coals that lead to this dead end. My feet were burnt a little, yes, but they didn't hurt. It was more of a numb pain. I didn't mind the numbness. It was better than all the pain and sorrow of the everyday life of a slave.

            I wanted to just end it all, and it wasn't the first time. There have been many other attempts. Other attempts that always failed and ended with me crying throughout the night as I sat by the small bed I would sleep on by myself. Scars were abundant on my skin. It was almost like a map of my life in a way. The markings on my arms and back pointed to nowhere in particular, telling me that I would never get anywhere in life. I was too afraid to act on anything, whether it dealt with actually committing suicide or talking to a friend I admired as something more than a friend when they didn't see it as that kind of relationship.

            A laugh grew from nowhere. I looked around and saw that the noise was coming from behind me. It was a shadow. It was someone that I knew for a year or so and he always made me cry in my sleep from all the nightmares. He didn't have a name, but I noted him as being named Eternity. Eternity is a shade that never dies. He stays with one person until they die and then carries their sorrow onto his next victim. I can't tell if I'm his first or hundredth, but it didn't matter. He was still evil.

            He laughed at me again, a smile forming in the face that didn't exist beneath all the shadows that formed itself into some type of long robe with a hood that reminded me a lot of the hood in Assassin's Creed.

            I knew what he was telling me. "Jump in. Why not end it all. Everything will be over." I could hear them echoing through me like the voice of a bird that flew through the black canyon below me. I looked behind me into the cold canyon. It wanted me so bad, like it grew hands and was reaching out towards me. It, too, was saying what Eternity told me. "Jump in. Why not end it all. Everything will be over."

            I felt my right foot slide an inch forward, feeling the groundless cover of the abyss for the third time. This was routine. I would cry as my feet would push themselves a little ahead, begging to go in. Then I would say, "Alright." and right before I jump in, I would snap out if it and find myself back in my room with the razor blade at my wrist, just about to cut through the artery that would've ended it all.

            "Alright." My feet gave out and they fell forward, but my body landed on the edge as my feet hung over the ledge. This was different. I've never sat down here. It felt strange to me, like I was half dead and half alive. There was no numbness in my feet anymore. Now it felt like I had no feet! No legs either! i was tempted to reach out for them, but a tendril came out from behind me and grabbed my wrists. they curled around them like snakes, nipping at the skin every now and then. there was no pain, nor was there pleasure. I didn't know what to do. Scream, cry, laugh...

             A cold breath went down my neck, "Go back home." When I heard that, I was back in my room. The smell of copper flooded my nose immediately, drawing my attention to a bunch of scattered scars on my wrists. Both wrists looked like they were weeping bloody tears. I began to cry as well, knowing that nothing changed. I was still the sixteen year old teenager that had to go to school the next day and learn that I can't get a job or get anywhere in life and that I am still alone. All I could do was curl into a ball and cry the rest of the night for a few hours until I had to start walking.

 

Author's Note

This was a depressing time in my life that I don't want to go through again and I hope anybody that has something similar happen to them to get it to stop. It's not helpful in the least. Please critique so I can fix the mistakes.

Reviews

[yourhaircutman]

That was very moving. I'm sorry that you had to go through such a harsh time! This is a very great piece of writing.