We had the same blue eyes

His breath tasted like alcohol.

 

His dick felt huge rubbing against me.

 

His name was…Brain, Brandon, Berry I don't know.

 

I didn't want to know. I didn't care. I felt like all I wanted was a beer in my mouth and a dick up my a*s. Drinking. Partying. Sleeping Around. That's what college students should to do.

 

Right?

 

I didn't know anymore.

 

Since Matt and I broke up a few weeks ago, I didn't know anything anymore. We were still roommates, but I didn't really sleep there a lot. I missed sleeping with Matt. I missed everything about being with him. Of course I wanted to be with him. But I couldn't have him.

 

So tonight Mr. What's his name was nibbling on my ear. I spotted Shawna all in gold walking by with a hunky piece of dark chocolate. I quickly hid the beer behind my back.

 

Of course I wasn't going to let her see it. She understood the idea of me sleeping around, but if she saw me drinking she slap the bottle down (and slap my face). Then she will give me a big lecture. She was a good friend. Too bad I wasn't.

 

She gave me a smile, "Hey would you be okay if I left? Are you covered?"

 

Mr. What's his name chuckled fingering my a*s, "Oh he's covered. He'll be covered in something."

 

I turned back to her and nodded, "I'm okay."

 

She nodded with understanding and walked by.

 

"So" Mr. What's his name moved his lips around my neck, "Why don't we go to my place and f**k like crazy."

 

I shot down the rest of the beer.

 

%%%%%%%

 

I woke up naked laying next another stranger. I got up and gathered my clothes. He didn't even know that I left. I stopped by the dorm to get changed, and headed off to class. I wasn't out of control. I was able to wake up and act sober. I was getting coffee with Jake when I heard Matt laughing.

 

"Don't turn around" Jake whispered.

 

I didn't listen to him. I wish I did. I turned my head slightly. I saw Matt…talking to a guy. I bit my lip. I wanted grabbed this guy by the neck. I couldn't stand seeing my Matt flirting with someone else.

 

Matt checked his watch and smiled…oh his smile, "Well I got to go…so pick me up at eight."

 

The guy nodded. I wanted to punch him.

 

As Matt walked away our eyes met. We stared at each other for a moment. I wanted to grabbed him and kiss him until we were both out of breath.

 

But instead I just nodded and said "Hey Mac"

 

He nodded and waved as he walked away, "Hey Jamie"

 

I felt Jake patting my shoulder, "That must have been hard."

 

I shook my head, "I'm okay"

 

"Oh my god" Jake gasped, "James look it's dad."

 

I looked over at my Dad laughing playing pool with students around him watching like he was a lion in Rome.

 

Jake whispered in my ear, "Are you okay? We should leave?"

 

"It's okay" I told him, "He's sober"

 

Dad's eyes seem light up when saw us.

 

He dropped the cue, "Hey there, give your daddy a big hug."

 

He hugged me. It was strange, he rarely hugged me but when he did it was nice. It was kind of like hugging a teddy bear. He let go of me and then hugged Jake.

 

"What are doing here?" Jake asked.

 

Dad chuckled, "Well I said to myself 'Bud you got a couple of boys you outta spend some time with. So how about a tour of this fancy college? I can't believe I got two boys in college."

 

%%%%

 

We had dinner at some stake house. As I glanced at menu I realized that there no vegetarian options.

 

And when I asked the waiter and got the "You got to be crazy" stare. "Um…no" he answered.

 

"No tofu?"

 

"Toe what?" The waiter shifted his eyes.

 

That pretty much answered the question.

 

I nodded, "Then I'll have a salad then."

 

My dad was staring at me confused, "What that all about?"

 

"Um…I'm a vegetarian now."

 

He slowly nodded confused, "When did that happen?"

 

Here we go.

 

I bushed my hair back, "Since about a year or so ago."

 

"So how that goin?" he asked as if he didn't know what else to say.

 

"It's good. It's not usually that this difficult." I smirked.

 

"Why don't you like meat anymore?"

 

I rolled my eyes, "One, it creates meanness slaughter of animals in disgusting factories. Two, it's full of chemicals and s**t."    

 

He nodded again, and then change the subject. "So yall liking school?"

 

"Good, school is good." Jake replied.

 

I said nothing.

 

"That's good." Dad chucked, "Wow, my two college boys. So what are my Einsteins planing to do?"

 

"Well" Jack said, "I'm studying business." He looked over at me. "And James is going to be a writer."

 

I gave my brother look. I didn't want dad to know that. I knew better that do open up to my dad.

 

But I was rather surprised to see my dad smiling at me. "Wow a writer, we got ourselves a Bill Shakespeare." He chuckled. "When is that start?"

 

I stared down at the ice in my coke, "It was something I just started doing ever since I was a kid…Donovan really got me into it. I won a contest." I shrugged.

 

"Wow lookie there. I knew living with that teacher was good for you. I would like to see some of your work sometime."

 

I put my hand on my forehead, "I don't think it's your kind of thing."

 

"Oh, but I still want to read some, it's my boy's work." He said.

 

That actually meant a lot to me. But I didn't show it.

 

Dad and Jake made small talk until we got our food, which of course caused another oh so great chat with the waiter.

 

"T-bone medium rare. Sirloin well done…" then he smirked, "and your salad."

 

I tinkled my fingers, "Thanks hon" I smirked in my gayest b***h voice.

 

As he left he mumbled under his breath, "Queer"

 

I quickly looked over my dad. He was looking down cutting his steak. Good thing, he didn't hear it.

 

"Boy this is good. Jimmy do you ever miss meat?"

 

I swallowed a bite of my salad, "It's James and no dad I do not miss, most of that's just fat and heart disease."

 

He took a few more bites, then he asked the question.

 

The question.

 

"So you boys got any special ladies?"

 

I looked over at Jake. He was staring at me with the same expression I was giving him.

 

"Um…no" I finally said trying not to laugh, "I definitely don't have a girlfriend." It was a simple reply, with no need for further questions. That was smart.

 

Dad turned to Jake, "How about you? You are seeing someone special?"

 

Jake's answer wasn't as smart and simple. He had Will. Jake took a drink then a breath, "I am actually in relationship."

 

Dad laughed, "That's great. What's she like?"

 

"Um…" Jake started, "I'm with someone who makes me laugh, makes my life interesting...very interesting, and…who I know cares very much about me."

 

Dad nodded, "What's her name?"

 

Jake mumbled around for bit then got up, "I gotta to the bathroom"

 

I got up too, "Yea, I got to go to."

 

I went caught up with Jake, he standing at a sink staring in a mirror.

 

"Do you think now is the time…we come out to him?"

 

I chuckled, "No, come on let's not waste our time."

 

"He's our dad and if he's going to be staying around…"

 

"He's not staying" I cut in. "Trust me. He'll be gone again before we know it."

 

%%%%

 

After dinner we went to Jake's apartment. "God I love beef" Dad laughed.

 

"Hey guys" Will called out walking into the living room.

 

"Hey" Dad waved, "So who are you?"

 

Jake took a deep breath, "This is Will, my...roommate. Will, this is my dad."

Will stared at him confused for a second, but nodded with understanding.

 

Dad smiled and shook Will's hand, "Hi there Willie"

 

"He's staying around." Jake cheered as if he were a child on Christmas morning.

 

"Jake that's great." Will sweetly said wrapping his arm around Jack's shoulder trying not to be to affectionate, "You're get to spend some time with your real dad...but lets hold off on doing Thanksgiving dinner...well unless we were making deep fried turkey, in which I'm in."

 

Dad chuckled and  high fived Will.

 

I couldn't take this s**t.

 

"Hold on, he's not staying." I barked getting up, "He never has and he never will."

 

"What is your problem?" Dad asked.

 

I got louder, "This is so like you."

 

Now I was yelling, "Over and Over again. You come in acting all nice and made all these promises. And just when I think we're going to get close and be happy. You take off again. Hurting everybody. "

 

Making promises. Never being able to be happy. Taking off. Hurting people. That started to sound familiar. I looked into his eyes.

 

We had the same blue eyes.

 

"Oh my god." I screamed "I'm you."

 

"What are you talking about?" He bit.

 

I was really yelling now, "I'm talking about the fact that I can't keep a relationship. I pushed away and hide. That I can never find any inner peace. That I can never just accept being happy. Because of you, I hurt the man that I love."

 

He raised his eyebrow, "I did you just say man."

 

I was too angry that I didn't realize that. But I didn't f*****g care. I was too mad to worry about it.

 

"Oh yea that's right." I yelled. "Since you had been so out of touch with my life, you didn't get the memo. I'm gay." I was yelling as loud as I could, "I'm gay. I'm super gay"

 

Then I saw my dad clutch his chest and collapse.