Chapter 2- My frist real crime

 

Is it possible to have you'll heart beaten out of you?

Is it possible to wish to be seen yet wish to blend in with wall?

It's impossible to ignore.

But maybe it's possible to run from.

I started writing in this black spiral notebook. It was stupid. They didn't even rhyme. I just had all these words racing though my head. I don't even know where I got this stuff from, but I just felt that I had to write them down.

I wrote feeling a small unlighted firework in my jean pocket.

"Ginna!" my dad's drunken voice echoed though out the apartment.

"I can't go through this again now." I said to myself.

I crept out through a window. I hoped on my bike and just pedaled away. It was dark and storm clouds were coming, but I didn't care. I just pedaled, thinking about what would happen if I stayed home. But let's be honest I knew would have happened. I couldn't have imaged it going any differently.

I just felt this nagging, like I wanted to hit something.

The firework was calling me "Light me. Light me. Light me."

I never knew how a fireworks exactly worked. But I did know that if you light the tip,

things go bang. The firework ticked. I could hear it. Tick. Tick.

Tick Tick

I couldn't take it anymore.

"Fine", I stopped at the market to catch my breath when looked on the ground in front of me.

It was the matchbox.

Tick Tick

I took it as a sign.

Tick. Tick.

"Screw it"

I threw the bike down, took the firework out of my pocket, and grabbed the matchbox.

I lit that sucker and watched it spark. But as the tip started to disappear the thought occurred to me it was going to blow up.

"I'm so screwed."

I just flung into the next the thing I saw…a shopping cart.

I watched the smoke puff out. I watched it beak apart. I watched the metal twist. I watched chucks of plastic  splatter around.

I just stood there, I think even stopped breathing for two seconds.

I hopped on my bike again.

At first I was just pedaling not caring about what direction I was going in. I felt rain pouring. I heard thunder roaring. I saw lightening flashing.

Then I thought "I need Mac."

I shifted the bike and rode to Matthew's yard. I slammed my bike against the grass and climbed up the tree to his bedroom. It wasn't strange at all. I've sneaked into his bed room window for years. Every time I could get away from the Hunter song and dance I would sneak into Matt's at night. Mac never seemed to mind, he enjoyed it actually, I think it made him feel "badass". The room was dark, nobody was in there. I waited by the door. I waited on Matt's bed, trying to catch my breath while I listened to the storm.

The door opened and I saw a patch of curly hair. As lighting stuck I grabbed him.

"Don't turn on the light."

He turned it on anyway, "Jamie?"

Jamie is his nickname for me...I adored it.

"Please don't tell anybody I'm here."

"Jamie what happened to you? He asked getting some clothes from his dresser.

I sat back down and told him everything.

"You blew up a shopping chart." He screamed a little.

"Yea, you should have seen how cool it looked. It was like action movie." I laughed. I was laughing. I knew it was wrong, but I was laughing.

He sat to me on the bed next to me and handed me the clothes.

"I can't go home." I told him.

"Why?"

"I'm going to get killed for this. Can I stay here?" I asked.

"Fine with me! I'll ask my mom" He nodded walking to the door. I stopped him.

"Wait, wait…see no one can know I'm here especially not your parents."

"Alright" He smiled at me. His cute, dorky, conforming smile. There was always just something about that smile that made my heart feel lighter. When I saw that smile I just couldn't help to smile too.

"Matthew, dinner" Mrs. Edwards yelled.

"Wait here, I'll be back as soon as I can with some food. You put my clothes" He said before leaving.

I smiled as I watched him leave.

***

This sleepover at Matt's was different.

I laid next to him in his twin bed. That wasn't new, we had slept in the same bed since we were kids, we never really thought about it. But this feeling was different. Matt was sound asleep, but I couldn't even shut my eyes.

I had just committed my first real crime. Sure as I kid I always had sticky fingers, I stole stuff the market all the time, my whole family did, it was free food. But it was nothing like this. My dad hit me when I did nothing. He  would hit me harder when I did something.

"You're supposed to be better than that" he would say in that deep drunken voice. I started shaking thinking about it.

I turned to face Matt. He quietly snored with a smile on his face. That smile, the smile that made me once again have to smile. As I watched him I got a strange little feeling. My eyes noticed his lips the most. I felt this nagging again but it was a different kind of nagging. I felt myself wanting to…I didn't know exactly what, but I knew it wasn't normal.

I turned around and tried to shut my eyes. Matt sleepily put arm around me, just like he had million times. He had no idea that he rolled in his sleep. I never really gave it much thought before, however this time it felt different. At first it was weird and I was thinking about pushing him away, but his grip kind of made me feel...warm?

***

I waited in Matt's room the whole day. I wrote a few things down, on some loose paper I found in one the drawers.

I want to do things, bad things

But don't know why I want to do them

Wait I do know

Then Matt came home and told me people were talking about me at school.

"Did you say anything?" I asked him.

"No" He tried to reassure me.

"Matthew" Mr. Edward's voice boomed. I quickly hid in the closet.

"How was your day son?" I heard Mr. Edwards' voice asking Matt.

"I know nothing...nothing" Mac nervously smiled "How was yours?"

"Well I heard today that James maybe involved in blowing a chart at the store."

"Oh well, that I didn't hear." Matt squeaked.

"You know there I knew just like James. Always getting into troubles small things at first like shoplifting…"

Oh crap! He knew! I thought to myself.

"He's not like that." Matt commanded.

"Oh I think he is"

I knew it! I knew he always hated me.

"What James did was irresponsible and dumb." Mr. Edwards went on.

"Why are you telling me?" Mac was asking.

"Because you need to know if you do anything wrong that you can always come home. I don't care what it is! Just always know that I'm here for you. Now you tell him come out and tell him the truth"

S**t

"No" I screamed bursting out.

"Jamie you're overreacting."

I looked over at my best friend. He wouldn't be able to understand all the what’s and whys.

Then he said, "Your Mom and Dad are here"

I swallowed hard.

"They're here?"

They both nodded.

"I'm not going home." I yelled. "If you don't want to help me, I'll sneak out the window."

He stopped me.

"Matt move or I'll…"

"You'll do what? Hit me?" He smirked. "You have to go home." He put his hands on my chest. I got that strange feeling again.

Damn it Mac!

We walked out to the rusted red truck. My folks were quiet, too quiet. I looked over at Matt, he was giving me a little smile.

When the truck pulled out of the drive way I heard my dad mummer "Why did to on go and do it?"

"I don't know." I whispered.

"Why you do mean 'I don't know'?" He started to yelled.

"I just had this feeling…and I just did it."

We pulled up to our apartment. Before I could take a breath my body was being dragged out of the truck. He threw me up against the hallway wall.

"You have feelings huh?" He screamed as he punched me in the stomach.

My mom just sat on the stairway with her head in her hands.

"I'm sorry daddy" I cried.

"You better be sorry!" He yelled punching me in the face.

"Maybe that's enough." I heard my mom whimper.

He threw me down and screamed at her "What?"

"Bud, he knows what he did, he knows it was wrong, Just maybe that's enough." I could tell by her voice that she was scared, knowing what he would do.

I ran to my bed hearing my mother cry as he finished my beating on her. 

***

I woke up the next morning feeling the pain.

"Hey there little bro."

I opened my eyes to see my half-brother Bobby smiling at me.

"The old man really got you huh?" he smirked putting is a finger on my black eye. "You are really are his favorite son."

"What?" I almost yelled.

"Oh well, so you commit your first big crime, congrats." He laughed. "You're tougher than I thought. So me and the guys are going to steal us up some cars. You in?"

I picked my head off the pillow and looked right into his cold eyes. "No, just because I blew up a shopping cart doesn't mean I'm joining your gang."

Bobby smirked "We are who we are Jimmy. Don't act like you're better than us."

We heard footsteps entering the room.

He turned his head and smiled. "Hey Gina"

I turned my head to see my mother holding the makeup kit.

Author's Note

Freed back please!