Rainbow behind the clouds

To all the girls who need to know they are stronger than they think

Angry tears fall from the sky
The violent whips continue
She screams her pain for the world to see
But they’ll never understand her delicate heart

Because they tormented her with her own ghosts
They teased her with her demons
And froze her with icy fingers
Because they wanted her to shatter like glass before them

But she didn’t shatter, didn’t break
She discovered the eye of her storm
Using her smile to melt away their torture
And the sun to draw out her inner beauty

She found her hidden glory
Then stitched together her broken heart
Perfectly imperfect the way it was meant to be
For she’s neither a ray of sunshine
Nor a deadly hurricane
But rather she’s a rainbow behind the clouds

Author's Note

What do you think of my figurative language?

Reviews

[William Michael Reeves]

I figure your language to be powerful! The second stanza really packs a punch ... right into the guts of the exploiters, the predators and marauders. And how she mends herself in the end is just as powerful. Rainbows always appear in the rain somewhere. Good stuff!

[Esther:)]

Thank you so much :)

[Aura]

I enjoyed reading your poem. The last stanza was my favourite because it really captures how she managed to overcome her struggles, and ignore what other had to say about her. The lines

"Perfectly imperfect the way it was meant to be
For she’s neither a ray of sunshine
Nor a deadly hurricane
But rather she’s a rainbow behind the clouds" — is descriptive, I like how you describe that she's not a perfect person but also not deadly, through your use of nature, such as a sunshine ray, a hurricane, and rainbow behind the clouds.

[Mbabazi stellah]

These are perfectly chosen words and the writing its self creates a positive atmosphere for the reader, the couplet "shine and cane" is wonderful

[tinymoonchild]

Magnificent poem! I love the imagery of weather used here to convey emotion. Love the rainbow ending - she is triumphant!

[KAREN]

The imagery is perfect! And I love the ending which ties the whole poem together.

[emipoemi]

The figurative language is ingenious. The progression of your thoughts across the four stanzas is well distributed. But I can't say so much about your musicality. Pardon me for being so bold as to critique this a bit, but I see brilliant potential in this, and a poem cannot stand on words alone. If it doesn't have flow or intention in its chaos then it cannot breathe. You set up a musicality in your first three lines that doesn't quite repeat throughout the rest, and if the reason behind that implies a comparison to the chaos of the surrounding storm, ok, but never lose track of the breath. The length of the line determines the scale of the breath, and certain words would therefore be on downbeats, and if the right ones are not placed in those moments, there's a dissonance that even an illustration of a metaphorical storm cannot handle. Keep your solid and profound ideas. Simply tweak the lines so the lines have a bit more flow. Especially - especially - towards the end where the implication is that the storm is subsiding and therefore the flow should be a bit more lyrical, aka the kind you began this poem on: "Angry tears fall from the sky/The violent whips continue" (very lyrical and a phenomenal start, but if this is the "storm", we definitely need this type of flow in the later "smoother" stanzas).

A great start!! Much enjoyed overall. If you have any questions about any of my comments, feel free to ask.

Suerte,
EDP

[Esther:)]

Thank you so much for this. Your comment has really been great help :)

[emipoemi]

You're very welcome. Always happy to help.

[JE Falcon]

It works well in this setting.
These lines were especially well done. ---
"They tormented her with her own ghosts
They teased her with her demons
They froze her with icy fingers
Because they wanted her to shatter like glass before them"