"Will I?"

Its been a long time since I wrote lyrics....here it goes.

All I ever wanted was to be happy and have someone accept all of me.
Love all of me for what I'm not, look past my flaws and only the good they will see.
Not judge me for my past and the awful things I have done.
Care for me, respect me and only show me unconditional love.
I know I'm a handful and I'm not perfect but I promise I'm worth it.
I wish someone would focus on my amazing qualities and not just me being a crazy b***h.

Will I ever be happy? Will I ever have my happily ever after and the family I crave?
Will I always get hurt? Will I always face disappointment and feel pain?
Will I always feel not good enough and drown in these dark and disturbing thoughts?
Will I ever find my way in this cruel fucked up world or will I always be lost?

I have such a big heart but its in pieces and cold as ice.
Nobody ever treated me right just put on acts and filled my head with lies.
I changed who I use to be yet my past is always thrown in my face.
I wonder if anyone would give a f**k if one day I disappeared without a trace.
People say they care but when I'm in my dark place their nowhere to be seen.
I just want someone who won't judge me and who won't leave.

Will I ever get my happily ever after and the family I crave?
Will I always feel pain and get treated like s**t by everyone.
Will anyone ever love me even for the awful things I done.
Will these racing thoughts eventually win again or will I always win the fight?
Will I ever meet the love of my life and be treated right?

I just wanna smile and it be real instead of all the fakes.
I feel like I'm the only true real one in this world of fake and snakes.
I rather be too honest then a liar like everyone else.
I wish people knew the real me and everything that is daily felt.
I sinned a lot but at least I'm willing to come clean and admit to it.
I just wish it wasn't always thrown in my face and then I'm treated like s**t.

Will I ever get my happily ever after and the family I crave?
Will I always feel pain and get in this dark place I can barely escape?
Will I ever be treated like a queen or always like the peasant?
Will I ever see happiness or will karma always be teaching me lessons?

One day my voice will be heard either by success or suicide.
I really hope by the first but everyday this s**t gets harder an harder to fight.
I'm not weak me being alive shows that km stronger then your average person.
But some days s**t gets so bad and my thoughts and episodes worsen.
I have two sides the happy carefree side and the sick, dark, mentally I'll side.
Unfortunately for a while now the bad side gets harder to hide.

Will I ever get my happily ever after and the family crave?
Will I always face alone my demons and struggles cus everyone's the same?
Will I ever get married and be someone's wife?
Will I ever be able to be a mother or will I be cursed to never give life?
Will I ever be proven wrong or will I always be proven right by another?
Will I win this constant battle or will I lose and end up 6 feet under?

If you lived my life and walked in my shoes only then would you understand.
Its not just my fault why none of my relationships last.
Its not my fault people are close minded and run away.
People wouldn't last a hour in my head let alone a day.
Maybe one day I will meet someone who won't leave.
Everyone can't be bad I have to have some positivity to believe.

Will I find true happiness and survive from this ugly life that is pure hell?
Well like with everything, only time will tell.