Self - Assessment (2016)

An honest improvement on my life this year. An assignment that was created for English IV.

My name is Kyran A. Grey. Within the past few months, I honestly felt as though I’ve made no sudden or slight progression in changing myself. But another of my fellow peers made a suggestion. She told me to look deeper into myself, and look past the beyond of my legacy. Informing me that from her observation that when I entered my senior year, I was not fully considered a senior, that I still acted like a junior. I didn’t really know what was to be meant by that. But then came a question that said “What do your relationships consist or maintain of?” And instantly I knew immediately what she meant. I explained that I no longer cared about petty nonsense, or people. That I had a logical revelation, of being able to walk away from people that were not worthy of my friendship and or time. And I sensed it in myself.

 

 At this time, I am approximately seventeen years of age. And if I had to describe myself in four adjectival words, they are: Blunt, Compassionate, Enlightened, and Funny. I still carry the shadows that reside within my heart, mind, and soul. But I also have the “Will of Fire”. I suppose that in the future I may choose to change my name, and become incognito to those who seek to come back into my life and wreak havoc again. A voyage into the new world for those of my beloved. A continuation for my loyal followers. Life is just a battlefield, there are good days where I’m winning, and then there are the days when I need some air support or troops. But, in my situation, when I have my queen, and my best friends I’m like One Direction, ‘Nobody can drag me down”. And especially now at this day and age, I always win, even when I loss. This is my journey, and I won’t stop believing. Holding onto that feeling.

 

My impressions of this class are surely still the same. I still find entertainment in sixth period, even though there are the days when it feels like “Sudden Death”, one mistake and you’re done for. Those “No Flex Zone” days. It’s aggravating to say in the least, but I suppose that when we are currently behind everyone else, then we’re pressed for time. I believe that in desperate times call for desperate measures. One thing, however, is that out of everything that has possibly happened in sixth period - every laughing moment, every pissed off and serious moment; I’ve learned that it’s just life. That we just roll with the tide and see where it takes us. Vocabulary words are the biggest thing I’ve recalled learning. Surely I’ve other such things, but that’s the most I recall. The only thing that really stuck. All sixty-four of them, pummeled and pushed into my frontal lobe; repetition after repetition. Homework…and tests…

 

Surprisingly enough, we all are not the same in behavior. Meaning we don’t always act the same. Especially by a psychological standpoint. Behavior is determined and influenced by quite a few factors such as: Who’s around you, how you’re raised to act, how you are, and such.

In such period, I try to behave, you know? The casual: Be quite, and do your work type deal. But that’s boring. Of course I try to follow the expectations, and I add my own mix into the cauldron. Adding comical comments when adequate. Always being myself. Perhaps that’s different in my other classes. In my other classes, I’m not completely silent, but not as talkative as I might normally be. Because let’s face it, I cannot be completely silenced. Only when I’m angry.

 

The funny thing is that with anything, I’ve felt like I have been the same way forever. Mentality wise, everything. It’s almost as though I can’t notice the changes in myself unless I have an external opinion of myself. Analyzing myself through another’s’ eyes. And that’s when you truly see yourself. I already know myself and my worth, but I didn’t know how exponential it really was. Kind of like when you take picture day photos from Kindergarten through Twelfth grade, and that’s when you physically notice the changes. My own “AHA!” moment. And I’m proud of myself that I’ve progressed this far.

 

My past experiences in English have always been phenomenal by far. I have always liked English for some reason. Perhaps it was because it helped me to expand my horizon and really get in tune with my depth perception. Or maybe it’s because I always exceeded my peers and it made me feel omniscient. English classes also helped me to think outside of the box and think in ways I never knew I could before and it’s all happened in high school. So in a way, it was my own gateway to nirvana. A milestone to be acknowledged for in myself. An achievement I’m proud to have. Making it this far as I have, and exceeding farther than previously known.

 

Inconsequently, there are always somethings I ‘hate’ about English. The excessive and prolonged essays and assignments. However, I do really enjoy the journal entries. EVEN the free writes. Those are fun. Writing about myself, or whatever I choose too. Song lyrics, poetry, and self-assessments are among my favorite things to write about. I feel very fervent about it all. So it’s cool. Things pertaining to what I’m not supposed to learn and what I am supposed to learn is rather irrelevant, you know?